edgar allan bro Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 If you've been reading any of my other threads, you know that my bf of a year left me about a month ago, and I think he's currently seeing someone else. I've been doing NC for 15 days. I had the bad idea of checking up on his FB for the first time in a long time because I'm weak and I'm foolish.. Well, he's been commenting on this one girl's photos, telling her she's sexy, and it just stings really badly. Of course, he can do whatever he wants now; I won't deny him of his rights. But it just really gets to me that he moved on that quickly. It seems like he kind of wants to rub it in my face too. He "accidentally" texted me on purpose with some message intended for another girl. I'm a mess right now. This month has been really busy for most of my friends, and I'm unable to really see anyone on a regular basis.
SoThatHappened Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 This is why NC works to help you heal. See what happens when you checkup on your ex? You get hurt. I challenge you to block every form of communication possible and act like he died. Starting now. If you're still on this forum, post in a few month's time how you feel. 5
Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I know the feeling, my ex girlfriend emotionally cheated on me and left me for the guy she couldn't stop thinking about while she was away. Thing is she won't ever see him again so it's not like they'll be together but it hurts knowing she left me for someone else - who is really ugly may I add!! 3
Satu Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Try not to see yourself as being weak and foolish. Attaching negative labels to yourself isn't helpful. What you should do, is realise that you hurt yourself by giving in to temptation. No contact is the best method of healing and moving on. It works. Try not to hurt yourself again. 3
irresolute Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 There are no accidents- Kung fu panda What a moron, really. You'll do fine without him. I bet he comes crawling to you when that sexy girl ignores him. And then you'll ignore him, and you'll win. Just stay no contact. It's good for you 3
Author edgar allan bro Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 This is why NC works to help you heal. See what happens when you checkup on your ex? You get hurt. I challenge you to block every form of communication possible and act like he died. Starting now. If you're still on this forum, post in a few month's time how you feel. I unfriended/unfollowed him everywhere. Anything I can still see is public at this point. I tried blocking entire websites to stop the cravings to check up on him, but it's really easy to just unblock them again. And it doesn't help that he'll throw in a breadcumb every once in a while just to remind me that he exists. I went 10 days without hearing from him, and I was starting to feel better, and then poof! He sends me another text and I'm wallowing in self-pity again.
BC1980 Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 The really harsh truth is that all of our exes will move onto someone new at some point. It's just particularly hard when it happens so quickly, and you see it with your own eyes. Don't check FB again:) No one needs a front row seat to that, and no one wants to see it. I don't know if my ex is seeing someone new, but I'm sure it would at least sting if I found out. And I haven't even talked to him in a year. One good thing is that his new relationship should kill all hope, and that is a good thing. 3
amaysngrace Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 She's not you and she can't replace you. Nobody can. Believe that and you'll be fine. 5
Bella2 Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Sorry for you!! (I was replaced after 3 weeks and I know how it hurts. It's been almost 4 months since BU and I'm doing okay now) I just posted this in my thread: "Stupid thing I did yesterday: I was on somebody elses FB-account. Suddenly I was feeling very curious. I snooped. Found a picture of my ex and his new girlfriend. I have to admit, it was a beautiful picture and they look really great together, two very good looking people. The picture had 90 likes!!! A lot of people I know liked the picture. That sort of hurt. Knowing that all these people I know are now liking him and "the new one". Also the comments: "Ooooh, you are so so beautiful together!" "Oooh, stunning!!!!" And then they both liked the comment, of course. I can just imagine my ex saying to "the new one": "O, we look sooooooo great together!" I'm not depressed over it or anything, but I've been seeing this picture in my head since then, been thinking about them, how they are now the official couple loved and adored apparentely by all these people I (used to) know. So why did I look? Curious, still some self torture, I don't know.... Word of advice: do not snoop on social media!!! (really, do not do it, especially when you're still feeling very fragile)"
Bella2 Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 She's not you and she can't replace you. Nobody can. Believe that and you'll be fine. That's very true, in fact. I just used the word "replaced" in my reply above, but it's true what you're saying (although it can still feel like "being replaced")
Author edgar allan bro Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 (edited) It's been almost 2 months since the bu, and my ex will randomly text me every week or two or so, and it's always over something very concise. He told me yesterday that he won an award for the project that I helped him make, thanked me for doing such an amazing job, and I replied with a brief "Congrats", to which he replied with a grin. 10 hours later, it's 2 in the morning, and he asks me what I initially found appealing about one of his friends. (They live together. I'm assuming they got into another argument, and my ex was looking for someone to gossip with, since he knows that his pal and I hate each other's guts.) I don't intend on replying, but it's really getting to me. I have good reason to believe that he's seeing someone else now, and I'm just baffled as to why he can't just leave me alone after breaking up with me. (Even though I do think it was a stupid and rushed decision on his part. He admitted to me the week after the bu that he had regrets, but that he had to "live with his decision now" jeezus). Edited December 26, 2014 by edgar allan bro
Elle1975 Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Don't answer at all. 2am? Wtf.. my phone is turned off at night, but still...
Author edgar allan bro Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 Don't answer at all. 2am? Wtf.. my phone is turned off at night, but still... I only saw it this morning. I have no clue why he stays up so late.
Author edgar allan bro Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 Where do I start.. He broke up with me over a stupid argument two months ago. In the past two weeks, he was breaking NC a lot to text me. I told him that his behavior was suspicious, and he offered to meet with me. He was sick this morning, but he still dragged himself out of bed to come meet me, even though he was in a foul mood. He's been through hell and back in the past few months. It's like everything is falling apart (parents, school, career, etc.). He truly is living in a stressful situation for a guy his age. I can tell he misses me, and would like to have my support as a friend, but I just can't put myself through that emotional torture. When I asked him what he thought about trying to patch things up, he said that he doesn't know what he wants, that he tries not to think about that right now, and that he doesn't want to make any decisions as of today because of everything else that's going on. "Who knows" what will happen eventually. I told him that I didn't want to be his safety net or his friend while he was out living his life, and that he would have to stop texting me if he didn't want to be together with me. He agreed to it, if it would make things easier for me. He was a bit blunt about the whole thing. As we were getting ready to say our goodbyes, I started to tear up, and I told him "I know I'm probably going to seem weak to you, but I'm tired of acting tough. I do love you, and I wish we were able to work things out." I guess seeing me act emotional was a trigger for him to let himself go as well. He became really affectionate all of a sudden, and looked really hurt. He was telling me not to cry, and kissed me twice, on my forehead and on my cheek. We hugged, and he said "who knows, maybe I'll get some rest tonight, and the gears in my head will finally start turning, and I'll make a decision". Why would he tell me that right at the end? I feel so sad now. I told him not to text me anymore, which I know is right, but I miss him so much all of sudden. I haven't seen him act so affectionately towards me in months and it really made me miss how we were before. Is he just playing games with me?
trippi1432 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I'm sorry to say that he is probably not trying to lead you on.....he's being honest when he says he doesn't know what he wants. You were very brave to tell him your feelings and where you stood....and although not your fault, he may have felt (in THAT moment), that there was some hope for both of you or even remorse at seeing you hurting. I would advise that you NOT text him or contact him after this meetup today....DO give him time to think, but in the meantime; work on you and healing. We give ourselves hope when we chase breadcrumbs. I don't see him as playing games....when a man says he doesn't know what he wants....believe him. ((Hugs)) 1
Author edgar allan bro Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I'm sorry to say that he is probably not trying to lead you on.....he's being honest when he says he doesn't know what he wants. You were very brave to tell him your feelings and where you stood....and although not your fault, he may have felt (in THAT moment), that there was some hope for both of you or even remorse at seeing you hurting. I would advise that you NOT text him or contact him after this meetup today....DO give him time to think, but in the meantime; work on you and healing. We give ourselves hope when we chase breadcrumbs. I don't see him as playing games....when a man says he doesn't know what he wants....believe him. ((Hugs)) Thank you... I feel so hurt and empty right now. I finally saw him being emotional again, and it broke me. I don't want to be his safety net, but I care about him so much, and want to be there for him...
lj3 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I'm in the same boat why what its...etc...absolutely heart broke...not eating well..down sick the while nine yards. I know this doesn't help much but I'm with you. You would think it's high school stuff but the pain actually is worse in adult break ups. I hope you get what you want and peace and sanity cuz I know exactly how it feels. I wish you the best! 1
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