How to seduce a guy (ex)?

[ivanatraump]

Hi everyone, before I start writing my story. I need some advice onto how to read his behaviour and how to handle our hang outs and behave about this whole situation.

 

I was in a relationship with this guy when I started college, 15 years ago. I wasn't feeling since I was still in love with my ex I dumped him over a text explaining him the issuse and just left. That year he called and text from time to time, I ignored him. I even saw him couple a times at college, but I didn't say hello to him, I ignored him. Yes, I am a bitch, but I wanted to spare his feelings and just cut it all off and NC at all since I knew he was still crazy about me then.

 

When FB became popular he added me 3 years after the story above. We chatted one day, he wanted to meet. I said okay. But I've thought about it and blocked him on FB and vanished again, I've felt he wasn't over me at all. 2nd time, yes I am a bitch and cruel creature.

 

6 years from that time in 2013 I added him on FB he had a pretty sexy picture (yes, I might be shallow) Long story short, he IMed me and asked me out I said yes. We met, we dated for 2,3 weeks without having sex. We were going hitchhiking, running, bar and stuff, kissing, holding hands... I was confused about my feeling because what crossed my mind was:" I am such and idiot for letting go of this great, nice, decent, polite and fun guy with good manners" After 3 weeks he says that he wants to have sex with me and be FWB with no commitments. I said I'll think about it. So, we were now dating and having sex and he always IMed me, always calling me just to hear how I am and stuff.

I was a bit confused because we were **** buddies and he acts like he had some feelings for me. It's not the way these situations go. You don't text girl every night with tons of emoticons and are nice on one hand and on the other claiming you don't want a relationship and get commited like ever, that this is out of the question in your life.

I was confused because I am a rational person and when you are in FF situation, there are few things people do, right:

You don't see each other every other day

You don't text all the time

You don't hang out out of the bed much

Basiclly you just do it, cuddle and say goodbye and talk when you want to have sex again.

 

I thought he was into me, but scared of getting hurt. I was scared of getting hurt too because he said he wants FF relationship. Sex wasn't the greatest, but...I gave him a shot, thinking we need to work on it.

 

Of course, I started to have feelings for him. One day I asked him if he wants a relationship with me. A dude told me he will not string me along any more that he is already in a relationship. I was shocked. He said he was sorry and that he changed his point of a view about relationships.

 

I was hurt, but got over it. I told him basiclly in a nice way to not call me, text me or say hello to me ever again and explained to him how he was not suposed to lie to me that he was busy, but that he was suposed to be honest when he found a GF and stuff, I sarcasticlly thanked him for making me a free way to find a guy who will be strong enough to catch me and keep me and stuff Yes, I was pissed off and half drunk when I told him that. That was a year ago.

 

Meanwhile I got over him,at erased his number, NC and all and moved on, met and dated my "new" ex BF. I found out he was seeing me and this girl at the same time and that he was already having a fling with his and met her before I added him on FB and initiated our hang out last year.

 

A month ago a dude IMs me out of the blue, says he wants to have drinks with me. Since I was a bitch to him when we met on college and since he did

what he did, I forgave him because now we are even. I seriously can't blame him. My BFF even told me he did this all to saduce me to get some revenge.

I decided to meet with him...

We had a nice talk. We talked about everything, he even told me about his future plans and what he would like to do in his life, that he is moving out from his friend's flat, buying his own. So, I thought at first why are you tell me all of this, but ok..we are friends, buddies. We didn't talked about his ex GF who he cheated on with me or our past issues and stuff. We talked like friends who never had love problems.

 

When I was heading home. He grabbed me and kissed me and asked me if I wanted to have some FF action with him. I just smiled, pushed him away politely and said " I am not sure..." turn around and left.

 

When I got home he texted me how I am a great person with whom he can always be ralaxed...blowing me kisses.

 

I didn't reply at first I was confused.

Then...I told him basiclly that I am not sure...that Idk..He asked what IDK?

I lied to him that I am seeing someone and that I need to take care of that issues, but that it's not his problem.

 

He was quite, few minutes later he said like no one has to know about us, that it can be our secret.

Since I do have sexual needs on one hand, since I feel good around him, and since I feel good having sex with him and relaxed which is difficult for me I agreed to have some fling again with him.

 

We had sex the next day, which was lasting for 2 minutes because he got really horny I was really horny too. At some point he got angry and frustarated with a condom that he took it off, IDK why, but it turned me on, we wasn't thinking...But I told him to be really carefull. Idk why, but he finsihed it off into me while I was coming After all this happend I thought he didn't...But when I got to myself and got home I realised what he did, I was pissed. I wanted to call him and ask him why he did this. We NEVER ever did it without condoms because we were a mature adult untill last week.

I am not worried about this pretty much, because I had my period 2 days before. That is not the issue.

He didn't **** anyone else but his ex and me last year, he doesn't have STD. I am good too. So no stress about that, but won't happen again

 

The issue with him is that he behaves like he is in love with me, i felt like he did this on purpose to get me knocked up, but on the other hand he says he wants just to be FF.

I didn't text him at all, he called me twodays after. Said he was sorry he came so quickly. I said it fine and said that I have to go, he sent me a kiss I sent him back and hang up.

A day later I apologised for haning up, that I was in the middle of a business meeting, but I told him that he needs to be spontaneous and figure out where is he taking me the next time, that in a return I could fulfill some his fantasies if he has any.

 

I serously don't know what I am feeling for him, but don't tell me please, get out, don't be hurt and stuff. I don't care, for now I am having fun.

But I want also a bit of adrenaline and revenge. I want to saduce him to really be crazy about me. I just don't know how to do that. I know it might all sound a bit twisted, but..It's what I want to do for now. I don't want to be evil, NO! I just want to saduce him really bad.

I'm not contacting him first, like I was crazy about him last year. I keep it simple and short waiting for him to contact me, but I am the one who wants to take on the lead when to meet.

I won't fake my emotions and feelings towards him when I am with him, I will be me. After all we do have some past and I do have some feelings.

 

On the other hand I can't also read his intentions. He says one thing, then he is all so nice, gentle with me, after that 2 minute sex, we cuddled for and hour, I had a nice time, he said he was enjoying time with me too. Sometimes I can't read him. I am distant, I am cold sometimes, but he becaomes so passionate about me and he never takes off his hands off me, then we end up kissing all the time after sex, then he kisses me in public all over like we are some teens. His actions speak louder then the words.

 

Sorry I know this is too long, but I had to put this on paper for the first time. I am getting messed up a bit with this whole situation, but all I want from now is just to saduce him and figure out what is he doing with me and why? Somehow he always comes back. Thought he wants sex when he texted me recently, he said so in a plite way, but still...he acts like me and this post, like bipolar person. Hot and cold and...

Maybe...It's the best for me to not play with fire when I think about it, but something just don't let me go from this go is it ego or a pride, revenge, or something else...I want to figure it out, but how?

I don't want to talk to him and be serious and tell you all I told you all who read this twisted story. For a while I want to sit down, observe and have fun...for a while..

Edited December 9, 2014 by ivanatraump

[Danda]

Ignoring all of the crazy dysfunction up in that piece, if he constantly has his hands all over you and wants to keep getting in your pants, then I don't really see where your desire to seduce his comes from, since he is already sexually into you. It sounds like if you offer him sex, he will take it in a heartbeat, so he is already seduced. (?)

[smackie9]

Hah offering sex was my advice too, and I didn't even have to read all that lol!

[ivanatraump]

Sorry peeps, but I am laughing now a bit at my post and the way I wrote it. I got really excited, I guess and hyperactive, then my emotions went in and it's written the way it is.

 

Anyway, let me rephrase my question then. How to find out is he in love with me or not and what does he really want deep down.

 

I am logical person. When I sump up all of this crazy things that happen in 15 years with him, I don't know what is wrong with him.

 

A GF dumps you in a totally unmature and a cruel way and acts like you never existed.

You keep trying to comunicate with her for more then 5 years once in a while, not 3 times, but like 7 times despite she acts like she doesn't know you infront of your buddies.

After 10 years she adds you on FB and you ask her out, saying you want to have sex, no strings attached. You cheat on your 2 week GF with her and end this FF relationship and stay with your GF, you dump your GF and immediatley contact this crazy girl who was treating you poorly by ingonring you all these years.

For sex, I mean seriously?

I am not sooo good looking, I am not a godess in bed. Can't figure him out.

 

He is a good guy, he has selfesteem and selfrespect, I know him. He never lets people use him or treat him poorly, he never makes up with his exes, just me. When it's over it's over.

He is a good looking guy, he has a few groupies, so if he is depserate because of lack of sex, why me? If I told him that he hurt me, if he knows I ignore people and never come back, why did he try to communicate with me? Again? After all.

 

Yes I am a bit hypocritical now with this stuff, I just don't understand him and his behaviour.

Yes, I am a girl. Men and women are different, but the thing is that I'd never, like ever try to contact my other ex who cheated on me e.g. who vanished, dumped me and treated me like ****. He doesn't even cross my mind, I'd rather be in celibate my whole life then contact my exes that dumped me first. treated me poorly if it was just sex..for sexual recession deficit and my needs. This guy doesn't even speak to his father anymore. Because he got offended because he told him some thing...blah blah blah, was trying to be supportive.

 

Honestly, I think this guy is lying to me that he just wants me for sex, yes he is attracted to me and we have great chemistry, but I belive he has some big feeling for me and that he doesn't want to confess that to himself.

Edited December 9, 2014 by ivanatraump

[amaysngrace]

Fifteen years and you still don't know what's going on inside his head about you?

 

He doesn't like you nearly as much as you think he does. Look down on your left ring finger if you don't believe that.

[ivanatraump]

Ignoring all of the crazy dysfunction up in that piece, if he constantly has his hands all over you and wants to keep getting in your pants, then I don't really see where your desire to seduce his comes from, since he is already sexually into you. It sounds like if you offer him sex, he will take it in a heartbeat, so he is already seduced. (?)

 

Hah offering sex was my advice too, and I didn't even have to read all that lol!

 

I want him to become or admit to me that he is crazy about me and wants to be my bf again or something, to get emotionally crazy about me.

 

Because his behaviour is a little more beyond just physical, these are just my thoughts. It's not my ego speaking or something like this. It's just that his behaviour is not logical at all, I don't believe him.

 

What should I do to find my answer? Ask him? Not now...not yet. I can't do that since we are now just having sex and hanging out like best friends.

 

Or maybe it's all my imagination and the answer is simple: "he is just not that into me" but...his behaviour doesn't make sense.

[Danda]

How to find out is he in love with me or not and what does he really want deep down.

 

Based on all the details you have given so far, you will never be able to actually figure this out for sure. So you should probably just accept that right now and go from there.

[ivanatraump]

Fifteen years and you still don't know what's going on inside his head about you?

 

He doesn't like you nearly as much as you think he does. Look down on your left ring finger if you don't believe that.

 

I dont understand why people can't move on. I mean everybody eventuall forgets about their short teenage loves, right?

 

He never stopped contacting me, at least trying to. Untill I made a first move last year.

 

Why would anyone just want to have sex with their teenage loves after all these years? Why would anyone try to contact someone who just sexually attracts you, but you don't love them, some who said they cared about you and that you hurt their feelings? Someone who mostly ignores you over and over again? Just for sex? When you are attractive enough to have it with someone else, someone new, someone exciting.

 

It's like that greek guy who was pushing the rock over and over again...for nothing. He was probably pretty sure I wouldnt reply again when he contacted me a few weeks ago. But somehow I did, despite my feelings, I'm also a curious person.

Edited December 10, 2014 by ivanatraump

[ivanatraump]

Based on all the details you have given so far, you will never be able to actually figure this out for sure. So you should probably just accept that right now and go from there.

 

You are right. I think I should just enjoy and have fun with him as long as it goes this way, but I need to controll this situation now for myself.

 

Which means, no so :love: texts and stuff everyday. Not much communication via technology, just in person.

Because when I try to make contact throught my phone somehow, I just get stressed out because I am a woman

 

Then I start asking mysef questions. What does he want to say? Why he wrote this? Why he didn't answer and stuff.

I will definately pit our meetings to once a week, pretending I'm busy. Maybe once in 10 days, it depends.

 

Afterall he thinks that I am seeing someone or at least like someone.

 

I need to controll this situaion for myself, because If can't I will stay out of it and end it.

 

I will get my answer during some time I guess. I just need to wait and have fun, relax. Maybe I'm a person who just need explanation for every odd actions/intentions which doesn't compel my judgments and percepcion or moral.

[amaysngrace]

He ignores you over and over again but you still keep giving him sex when he wants it?

 

Do you know why he uses you for sex? Because he can. And all he needs to do to make you feel special is hug on you in public a little bit.

 

It's a really good deal for him but what about what you want? Doesn't what you want matter to you because it's obvious it doesn't matter to him.

 

If you care about him and he cares about him then who cares about you in all of this?

[ivanatraump]

He is never ignoring me

 

I don't know where you got that from?

 

I was ignoring him always, he is the one that texts me first alot, he always did. He is the one who starts up phone comunication, not me.

 

The only thing when I felt like I was being ignored was when he avoided me for a week, I texted him, he did reply something, I texted him again he said he had a GF. It's how we stopped haning out last year.

 

My friend who knows him told me he dated her for sometime, so it was obvious he was cheating on her when I made a contact for the first time in 6 years, which was a year ago. And since then we didn't talk at all, untill 2 weeks ago.

[amaysngrace]

I'm sorry. I get confused by your posts.

 

Good luck! I hope it all works out the way you want it to!!

[smackie9]

I don't understand why people don't just communicate.....this would get cleared up right away without our help. You are an adult, now act like one and have a conversation with him.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Sounds to me like you can't understand,

as you said, you're a woman and he's a man.

He has no feelings for you, its strictly just lust,

I think you're just trying to dig for more and such.

 

You WANT him to be crazy about you, you WANT him to have feelings,

You WANT him to confess all this love in one big revealing.

Yet, all he's done is use you for comfort and for some sex,

And all you've done is confuse love for some emoticon filled texts.

 

My 2 cents,

Hope it makes sense.

[Chemist]

Sounds to me like you can't understand,

as you said, you're a woman and he's a man.

He has no feelings for you, its strictly just lust,

I think you're just trying to dig for more and such.

 

You WANT him to be crazy about you, you WANT him to have feelings,

You WANT him to confess all this love in one big revealing.

Yet, all he's done is use you for comfort and for some sex,

And all you've done is confuse love for some emoticon filled texts.

 

My 2 cents,

Hope it makes sense.

 

I love your rhymy answers my good man,

it really makes me wish so much that I can,

give such awesome, careful and witty replies

when girls like this come here to cry.

 

Honestly lady, this is your cross to bear

in the beginning, it seems he honestly did care

you pushed him away and blocked him instead

can you really be surprised when his feelings are dead?

 

Your soul and heart seem a bit bleak

if it is true love that you indeed seek.

take a step back and pay it some mind,

value other peoples emotions and they'll treat you in kind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I won't steal your thunder anymore, that was dedicated to DrReplyInRhymes. Love it.

[gaius]

He loves you but he got burnt the first time being loyal and dedicated, so he's trying something new and being more aloof and noncommittal. It seems to be working, so don't expect him to change back.

[ivanatraump]

I am not chaning anyone, but this situation is still confusing.

I am cool with how things go for now since my last posts here.

 

Anyway we met. We were suposed to just have sex at some place that was the deal. So I text him during the day where and when will we meet?

 

He texts me that he will call me when he gets out of the gym.

We meet. So, since it was cold and he came by train he asked me what will we do because we can't go the the place we wanted to for some reason.

 

Instead we went in a bar and talked, like friends. He was complaining how he was busy lately, how it sucks... then I told him one of things I did at my job and how I almost got sacked and how no one knows about it, then he started to talk about some of his ex FWBs and the wierd places where they had sex. I wasn't bothered with that.

Then I mentioned something about sex and my "kind of an ex bf"and made a joke about what my other ex bf did, I observed him a bit and he didn't like me talking about other guys Which I didn't understand much. But when e talks about some random chicks he banged, when I talk about my ex bf with respect, but some funny situations, he changes the subject and get's annoyed by it.

 

So, it was late, we left the bar. I was gonna say just goodbye he grabbed me and kiss me, I smiled and said, talk to you later and just went home.

 

I don't know what he is doing he complains how busy he is, he knows that the place where we were supossed to go was unavaliable, he knew it before I said I want to go to "our place", so why didn't he canceled it and said we can't go there, I'm tired. To me it seems like a dude manipulated me to hang out with me with some cloth on, and I got frustarated, because I wanted to have sex.

 

He is going on a business trip for two weeks next week. I'm not gonna contact him at all if he doesn't call first, I'm fine with it. Seriously I am also a bit cooler and I don't care much if we get in touch during those two weeks. I don't understand him with that date thing and stuff, he was suposed to cancel because he knew we were not gonna have sex because the place was closed.

 

What I also realised was, that he stopped texting me also how he likes to spend time with me and stuff. Eversince I lied I kind of have some complicated love situation.

 

Just when I cool down about this thing and accept it, it's just sex and that I want probably just sex, when I distant myself and process and accept it as an adult, this guy is acting wierd. This was his idea and I can see it's bothering him by his body language.

 

I think I'll give this a shot for a month, when he come back and after couple of hook ups, then I will talk to him when I figure out my emotions towards him.

Edited December 13, 2014 by ivanatraump

[Perrier]

If a man states he wants me for FWB his intention is clear, regardless of how else I think he is behaving when we are together.

 

Until he utters something different I would assume the status quo.