Why Do We Judge People?

[Toodaloo]

I try not to judge. The times I find most difficult are when people I greatly admire do something unsavory.

 

My attitude tends to be to walk away and avoid those that I do not want to be in contact with and to spend more time with those that I do.

 

We all make mistakes and usually for the most incomprehensible and stupid reasons.

 

Its called the "human condition".

[littleblackheart]

Not only is it routine human behaviour, it's also expected and encouraged - a case in point being the 'like' option on this site; other sites also have a 'thumbs down' option. That too is judging.

[autumnnight]

I was thinking about that verse "judge not lest you be judged." A lot of people quote that when they are called out on wrong behavior. Actually the word judge in that context means that it is not our job to mete out or decide what the "punishment" should be, NOT that we cannot identify behavior as right or wrong. If someone I know beats their kids or runs around on their spouse I most certainly CAN judge that as wrong. BUT it is not my job to decide what happens to them or mete out the consequences. In the case of abuse I can call child services, but that is the extent of it.

 

I also think motive matters. Am I saying what I am saying out of concern or am I enjoying a chance to have a surrogate whipping boy for my own issues? If it is the latter I need to shut up and do my own stuff. A lot of people fool themselves into having some Don Quixote complex. They need to put the sword down, leave the windmill alone, and do some introspection.

[Emilia]

Some of it is self-preservation because some people are bad for you and you have to recognise that before you allow them into your life too much.

 

I judge people differently than I used to. I now recognise (thanks to LS) their childhoods and other elements outside their control that played into who they turned out to be as adults.

 

I do judge those that just sit and complain rather than strive to fix a problem strongly though, those that don't take responsibility and want the easy way out. Zero time for those people when I see how hard others work.

 

I don't think judging is bad. It's a natural thing to assess life and environment, we are biologically wired to do it for self-protection.

[ponchsox]

It's based on our value system and experiences growing up. Everyone judges to some extent. We do within 5 seconds of meeting someone new.

[MercuryMorrison1]

I judge people, we all do...It's just human nature in the end.

 

It could be for a multitude of reason's, ranging from narcissism to self preservation. Ultimately though, it is something we are all guilty of because it's simply in our nature. I don't mind admitting that I judge people, that the things they say to me and the way the present themselves and behave automatically triggers me to start formulating an opinion about them. I don't have any shame in admitting it, as I know pretty much everyone I've ever met has done the same with me, and I accept that.

[Got it]

On here and in real life.

 

Is it because of narcissism, insecurity, self preservation?

 

I don't know.

 

When I was younger I judged others more than myself.

 

As I've grown older, matured, and gained more experience I tend to judge *MY* flaws and weaknesses more than other people.

 

I see more grays than straight black and whites.

 

I have much more of an appreciation for people's imperfections, differences, and varying tastes.

 

When I find myself judging other people it bothers me ...... Even though I believe I am less judgmental than most individuals I interact with.

 

I know I'm not better than anyone else.

 

I strongly dislike people who are consistently judgmental of others, yet I know we all do it.

 

It's why most people are discreet in their judgements of others ...... and don't openly fly that flag ...... because it's generally considered to be an incredibly unattractive trait.

 

You might even say it's objectively wrong depending on the intent.

 

I've pondered this topic for quite sometime and would be curious to hear what other people think.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Some people are more "structured" thinkers and so they think like they have a filing cabinet in their heads. The tend to be more long term thinkers. They look towards based practices on how to make future decisions, are more black and white in their thinking and are more likely to be analytical and pragmatic in their thinking style. They are more apt to think in generalizations and biases because of their thinking style.

 

Others are "practical" thinkers. They are more to be fast thinkers, who are into short term thinking. They are pragmatic in their thinking but are more about short term solutions than falling past practices. They are going to be more "grey" in their thinking style.

 

Then others are "personal" thinkers. They are more people focused and more emotional. They tend to be very positive about people but can swing to the other side if they feel someone slights them. They are more emotional and will be very supportive about people they feel think like them. These are your "people" managers whom are very much about how their teams feels and team morale.

 

To learn more about this, look up Talmetrics. It's very interesting and can help explain these pieces.

 

Basically, some people are more apt to judge than others and it is just how the brain is wired to think. Others will be more "grey" and these thinking styles can evolve as we age.

[Got it]

I judge people, we all do...It's just human nature in the end.

 

It could be for a multitude of reason's, ranging from narcissism to self preservation. Ultimately though, it is something we are all guilty of because it's simply in our nature. I don't mind admitting that I judge people, that the things they say to me and the way the present themselves and behave automatically triggers me to start formulating an opinion about them. I don't have any shame in admitting it, as I know pretty much everyone I've ever met has done the same with me, and I accept that.

 

I really wish people wouldn't assume that because they think one way everyone must.

 

This is simply not true. People will judge on a varying level and no, not everyone does it. Judging is the way for your brain to process information faster so it will tie "correlations" together, based on past learnings, for future decisions. But this doesn't mean it is accurate or even true. Ultimately judging, assumptions, biases, are all "lazy" thinking. It is so you don't have to stop and think about things. This can be helpful in the way that we know all red hexagon signs with "stop" on them means to stop driving at that point in a car.

 

But judging people, on shallow and one dimensional thinking can be right but can also be very incorrect. And the frequency and level that this is done greatly varies.

 

Some people tend to live more in the "grey" with people and don't jump to assumptions.

[MercuryMorrison1]

I really wish people wouldn't assume that because they think one way everyone must.

 

This is simply not true. People will judge on a varying level and no, not everyone does it. Judging is the way for your brain to process information faster so it will tie "correlations" together, based on past learnings, for future decisions. But this doesn't mean it is accurate or even true. Ultimately judging, assumptions, biases, are all "lazy" thinking. It is so you don't have to stop and think about things. This can be helpful in the way that we know all red hexagon signs with "stop" on them means to stop driving at that point in a car.

 

But judging people, on shallow and one dimensional thinking can be right but can also be very incorrect. And the frequency and level that this is done greatly varies.

 

Some people tend to live more in the "grey" with people and don't jump to assumptions.

 

You're judging me right now by assuming that I myself make my statements based purely on assumptions, which further proves my statement that everyone judges. I'll concede that, some of us may very well do it on a more sub conscious level perhaps without realizing we are doing it, and part of the reason for that is because society has trained us to think that passing judgement is bad, when it very well is not, in fact I would argue that it's actually healthy.

 

About the only people that do not judge are babies, and just look at them...They are helpless and naive to the world, a baby would toddle right into the welcoming arm's of a pedophile, not knowing any better because of their lack of...wait for it...wait for it....Judgement. There is a reason people often time's refer to one's ''Lack of Judgement''. Judgement is about survival on an instinctual level.

 

In conclusion, I stand by my initial statement, you're most certainly entitled to your opinion and I will respect that but as far as I am concerned everyone judges...Some people are ashamed of it, others just accept it as a fact of life. If you deny that you have ever or will ever pass judgement on yourself or others...Than you are only fooling yourself.

 

And for the record, I welcome people who think differently than myself...It give's our species a diversity we would certainly lack if we were all like minded.

Edited December 10, 2014 by MercuryMorrison1

[Targetlock]

i guess its a way of comparing your life to other peoples and its all manner of reasons.

[Under The Radar]

Some people are more "structured" thinkers and so they think like they have a filing cabinet in their heads. The tend to be more long term thinkers. They look towards based practices on how to make future decisions, are more black and white in their thinking and are more likely to be analytical and pragmatic in their thinking style. They are more apt to think in generalizations and biases because of their thinking style.

 

Others are "practical" thinkers. They are more to be fast thinkers, who are into short term thinking. They are pragmatic in their thinking but are more about short term solutions than falling past practices. They are going to be more "grey" in their thinking style.

 

Then others are "personal" thinkers. They are more people focused and more emotional. They tend to be very positive about people but can swing to the other side if they feel someone slights them. They are more emotional and will be very supportive about people they feel think like them. These are your "people" managers whom are very much about how their teams feels and team morale.

 

To learn more about this, look up Talmetrics. It's very interesting and can help explain these pieces.

 

Basically, some people are more apt to judge than others and it is just how the brain is wired to think. Others will be more "grey" and these thinking styles can evolve as we age.

 

Thank you for your post ...... I appreciate it

 

I will definitely check out Talmetrics ...... It DOES sound very interesting.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The question isn't so much why do people judge people, because it's simply impossible not to judge someone for something which can be based on anything, as you judge without even being aware or conscience of it...

 

The question is why do YOU judge...and where does that judgment come from within you?

 

If everyone answered and more importantly understood that within themselves...then you have the overall answers as to why people judge...

 

To simplify it I believe like most things in that it derives from fear, caution and experience. It's to protect yourself and others from what you know to be dangerous or hurtful.

 

This circus of a thread which for reasons beyond my intellect is nearly 20 Pages and about a very popular socially accepted topic of hate known as "cheating", is a good example of how blind judgment/anger/hate can be and how strongly it is derived from pain and experience and a form of offering caution. It becomes obvious within a short time that it's merely a form of venting and channeling that anger that they have built within themselves...possibly for something completely unrelated...but sometimes you just need a stick and something to beat on...regardless of the purpose, to release some of that anger.

 

I only fear that people who are more vulnerable than I actually listen to these people and take it to heart, but then again we are aware of that...and perpetuating the cycle, by either hating themselves or hating and judging someone else for something else.

 

At the end of they day everybody can and will be judged for something...and as they say, sometimes the best defense is an offense...and many people use that as a form of protection.

 

Furthermore everyone loves to hate on something they all agree on, it's lime a big emotional orgy..very satisfying for them and its a hunger that's never satiated for most.

[Under The Radar]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted in this thread ...... I appreciate it.

 

A lot of food for thought here with so many perspectives ...... with many of them containing truly insightful gems ...... I'm always learning from LS.

 

I'll continue to digest and ponder people's contributions ......

 

...... Though, I have a lot more answers now than before I created this thread.

[emmaupton12]

This is good you are not judgemental to others. The judgemental to others is actually the wastage of the energy. According to me the main goal of man should improve himself not others. You don't have to focus on the bad things of others like "focussing on others". Just focus on your life term goals and be positive.

[Taramere]

 

When I find myself judging other people it bothers me ...... Even though I believe I am less judgmental than most individuals I interact with.

 

I know I'm not better than anyone else.

 

I strongly dislike people who are consistently judgmental of others, yet I know we all do it.

 

It can be comforting, in taking our attention away from our own flaws and issues and focusing them externally. Also, unfortunately it tends to be a very frequent part of getting along with other people. Even though we all talk about bitching being an unattractive quality, in the end a lot of friendships are built on the back of bitching and complaining about other people or circumstances (that are other people's fault, obviously).

 

Also, judging others helps to remind us of certain social mores. A lot of what I learned as a child I learned simply from listening to negative judgements being made about other people. Whether it was a woman on the bus, or some idiot on tv or a badly behaved child in the supermarket. Those bitching sessions are often a way of signalling to other people "here are my standards, here are my triggers, the things I find hard to tolerate" in a way that isn't critical towards the person receiving those signals.

[Woggle]

Anybody who says they don't judge is a liar.

[Got it]

You're judging me right now by assuming that I myself make my statements based purely on assumptions, which further proves my statement that everyone judges. I'll concede that, some of us may very well do it on a more sub conscious level perhaps without realizing we are doing it, and part of the reason for that is because society has trained us to think that passing judgement is bad, when it very well is not, in fact I would argue that it's actually healthy.

 

About the only people that do not judge are babies, and just look at them...They are helpless and naive to the world, a baby would toddle right into the welcoming arm's of a pedophile, not knowing any better because of their lack of...wait for it...wait for it....Judgement. There is a reason people often time's refer to one's ''Lack of Judgement''. Judgement is about survival on an instinctual level.

 

In conclusion, I stand by my initial statement, you're most certainly entitled to your opinion and I will respect that but as far as I am concerned everyone judges...Some people are ashamed of it, others just accept it as a fact of life. If you deny that you have ever or will ever pass judgement on yourself or others...Than you are only fooling yourself.

 

And for the record, I welcome people who think differently than myself...It give's our species a diversity we would certainly lack if we were all like minded.

 

Please indicate where in my post I said anything about your decision making process based purely on assumptions? I don't see it in there at all.

 

Please read more slowly and not be quite to leap to a conclusion.

[Got it]

Thank you for your post ...... I appreciate it

 

I will definitely check out Talmetrics ...... It DOES sound very interesting.

 

I am glad you liked it. There are three components that Talmetrics uses to put together a person's personality assessment, there is motivational style, thinking style, and behavioral style. Motivational style is the smallest piece of the pie and it is what motivates people into action. We have different motivators and it is what gets you out of bed in the morning and moving towards different goals. What is also important is the ones that are higher and how they work together. For example, the pairing of high economic (the strive for money or ROI, practical solutions) and high political (the strive to guide and influences others) is called the "CEO". This is what a number of top managers show as their two main motivators. There are seven different motivating styles.

 

Then you have thinking style which I went over in my first post. This drives your pure thinking style. This has a few different assessment tied into it including Myer's Briggs.

 

And then there is behavioral style, this is what most personalities assessments look at. This is who you are "when you walk through the door" who the people around you see. This is the DISC assessment. The other two motivators are "beneath the water" so to say. This is made up of four elements, dominance, influence, compliance, and steadiness. How high or low one scores in each of the areas greatly influences your behavior tied into your thinking style (how you process information) and then your motivators (what gets you moving). There are similarities in the elements in the three different styles and the more similar, the more they enhance that behavior, the more they are different, the more they synergize each other.

 

The most important thing is that there is no right or wrong way to any assessment. For every strength it can be a weakness/bias. So think in terms of if one is a structured thinker. They are going to be fantastic at analytical thinking, long term planning. They are going to be slower in their thinking style, more deliberate and have this great ability to follow past practices for present issues. But, this strength can be a weakness if one is in a immediate problem that needs a fast solution. Their slower speed is going to cause them to need more time to figure things out. They can also fall in, depending on the breakdown, "analysis paralysis". This type of subset of a structured thinker is the person that continues to analyze data but struggle to come to a decision and execute.

 

Anyway that is just one simplistic example of the assessment but I find it very fascinating. The more we understand our strengths and weaknesses, the more we understand how our spouse processes information, etc. the better relationships we can have. As a manager, it helps to understand my subordinate's assessments because then you really understand why they think like that and it has shown to make managers more understanding.

 

It has been wonderful to have been able to run my husband through it and see his assessment. He has a great assessment and a fantastic complement to mine. We can see why we clash in areas and why we are in lock step in others. It also shows that he is fantastic in a leadership position and has the skill sets to be successful. That has been shown in real life with his ability to change departments/industries and still be just as successful. Because while the topic/product/goals may change the approaches are the same.

 

What has been most fascinating with this is there is no evidence of gender influencing the assessments at all. So the belief that "men and women think differently" doesn't actually show up at all in the assessments. It shows a wide spectrum across the individuals but nothing tied to gender. I was quite shocked by this but very happy. There really is no differences based on sex.

Edited December 11, 2014 by Got it

[Got it]

I will say understanding these assessments, the science behind it and the philosophies has also really helped me on LS. I understand better why some people post the way they do, stay stuck in situations like they do, and why others are more influential than others. It has lent to a more compassionate understanding of people in general.

[MercuryMorrison1]

I really wish people wouldn't assume that because they think one way everyone must.

 

Perhaps assumption's was the wrong word, But you did in fact assume that because I think a certain way therefore I think everyone else thinks the same way as me.

 

Which, I'll state again, is further proof that everyone passes judgement most people here seem to agree. But as stated in a previous post, I will respect your opinion if you do not see things that way...I will just ask that you grant me the same courtesy.

[Got it]

Perhaps assumption's was the wrong word, But you did in fact assume that because I think a certain way therefore I think everyone else thinks the same way as me.

 

Which, I'll state again, is further proof that everyone passes judgement most people here seem to agree. But as stated in a previous post, I will respect your opinion if you do not see things that way...I will just ask that you grant me the same courtesy.

 

No you said in your first post that everyone judges, you wrote, " I judge people, we all do". I didn't assume that. You specifically wrote that. I disagreed with that. I then tied assumptions to judging and then you extrapolated from that I said you made decisions/judgments on a purely assumption basis.

 

I don't care what you think, your opinion is your opinion. I argued a different point of view and then I argued, and continue to argue, your lack of comprehension//understanding of what I wrote.

 

So I now also agree that your point is being proven. Though I am starting to speculate reading comprehension may not be a strong suit.

 

 

But I have reserved judgement.

[MercuryMorrison1]

No you said in your first post that everyone judges, you wrote, " I judge people, we all do". I didn't assume that. You specifically wrote that. I disagreed with that. I then tied assumptions to judging and then you extrapolated from that I said you made decisions/judgments on a purely assumption basis.

 

I don't care what you think, your opinion is your opinion. I argued a different point of view and then I argued, and continue to argue, your lack of comprehension//understanding of what I wrote.

 

So I now also agree that your point is being proven. Though I am starting to speculate reading comprehension may not be a strong suit.

 

 

But I have reserved judgement.

 

Now there's no need to get nasty and insult my reading comprehension simply because of a disagreement!

 

But on a serious note, Though I am disagreeing with you as you are me, I've treated you with respect and I request that you do the same for me, assuming we are both adults here, let's try to act like it, otherwise I will not allow this debate to continue any further.

 

My initial response to you was based more so on your reaction to my first post on this thread, and less on what you had actually written. You claim that not everyone judge's and that's fine, you're entitled to that opinion, but your reaction to my first post here was purely judgmental even if you don't realize it, which in my eyes only further proved the point that I was making which that ''Everyone Judges'' even those who say that they don't.

[Got it]

Now there's no need to get nasty and insult my reading comprehension simply because of a disagreement!

 

But on a serious note, Though I am disagreeing with you as you are me, I've treated you with respect and I request that you do the same for me, assuming we are both adults here, let's try to act like it, otherwise I will not allow this debate to continue any further.

 

My initial response to you was based more so on your reaction to my first post on this thread, and less on what you had actually written. You claim that not everyone judge's and that's fine, you're entitled to that opinion, but your reaction to my first post here was purely judgmental even if you don't realize it, which in my eyes only further proved the point that I was making which that ''Everyone Judges'' even those who say that they don't.

 

How do you know that is what I was saying? I never said it. I understand that your perception is as such but I never said that. And I am not judging you. How was it purely judgmental? I actually thinking you are reading more into it than what is written. Nor have anything I written said anything that you are inferring.

 

What do you think "judging" means? In what way do you feel I am judging you? What does that look like to you?

[truncated]

The question isn't so much why do people judge people, because it's simply impossible not to judge someone for something which can be based on anything, as you judge without even being aware or conscience of it...

 

The question is why do YOU judge...and where does that judgment come from within you?

 

If everyone answered and more importantly understood that within themselves...then you have the overall answers as to why people judge...

 

To simplify it I believe like most things in that it derives from fear, caution and experience. It's to protect yourself and others from what you know to be dangerous or hurtful.

 

This circus of a thread which for reasons beyond my intellect is nearly 20 Pages and about a very popular socially accepted topic of hate known as "cheating", is a good example of how blind judgment/anger/hate can be and how strongly it is derived from pain and experience and a form of offering caution. It becomes obvious within a short time that it's merely a form of venting and channeling that anger that they have built within themselves...possibly for something completely unrelated...but sometimes you just need a stick and something to beat on...regardless of the purpose, to release some of that anger.

 

I only fear that people who are more vulnerable than I actually listen to these people and take it to heart, but then again we are aware of that...and perpetuating the cycle, by either hating themselves or hating and judging someone else for something else.

 

At the end of they day everybody can and will be judged for something...and as they say, sometimes the best defense is an offense...and many people use that as a form of protection.

 

Furthermore everyone loves to hate on something they all agree on, it's lime a big emotional orgy..very satisfying for them and its a hunger that's never satiated for most.

 

you know what? I have zero problem judging people who knowing engage in hurtful behvaior. While I would use a different word than "broken" ( smack of psycobabble) I wuld still judge them.

 

There are some behaviors that are so hurtful that the reasons behind them don't change anything. Maybe if we all do a little bit more "judging" and calling out people when they engage in hrutful behvaior, there would be less of it.

 

No, I'm not a BS. I'm just sick of seeing people engage in hurtful behvaior then make excuses for it.

Edited December 11, 2014 by truncated

[MercuryMorrison1]

How do you know that is what I was saying? I never said it. I understand that your perception is as such but I never said that. And I am not judging you. How was it purely judgmental? I actually thinking you are reading more into it than what is written. Nor have anything I written said anything that you are inferring.

 

What do you think "judging" means? In what way do you feel I am judging you? What does that look like to you?

 

I suppose that's quiet possible, as it is often hard to really grasp how someone truly feels based purely over a conversation that takes place solely on the internet.

 

Judgement mean's a lot of different things to me personally, Or I should say, Judgement has one meaning but I use it in multiple respects to gauge people and get an idea of what kind of person I perceive them to be, from which point I can better determine if I think that the two of us will benefit or flounder from each others company in the long run, I know many who've done this with me as I have them, and I am ok with that.

 

Now of course I try to use discretion and this is in support of your original statement.

 

For example, I try not to look at overweight people and automatically assume they are a filthy slob, because that would be unfair judgement, now if through an extended conversation with them I determine that they are in fact quiet messy and do not pick up after themselves, then I do pass the judgement that they are in fact a slob.

 

I admit freely to being judgmental, and I have no shame in it, it's a tool as far as I am concerned. But on the same note, I will say that I even though I admit to judging people, I always try to do so fairly as it's easy to mal perceive people without actually having extended conversations with them.