I am thinking of taking risk to contact my ex to become a dumpee in future.

December 9, 2014

I am honestly thinking of it. I've been dumped before two times and I remember the feelings. It was horrible with unbearable pain. I remember that very clear but when I look back I say that, I am glad I lived that pain because right now I am who I am thanks to those pain.

But now, first time I am dumping a gf due to lots of red flags. I can say that, this is very painful too. I am not in pain as much as before because I guess I am used to it but this pain is more mixed with regrets and thoughts of "I hurt her, I never deserve to be happy" etc. Because when we break up we hurt people and I hate hurting people. I guess that is why I felt so clean after being a dumpee and after all those pain.

Now I am seriously thinking of contacting my ex and telling her I still have feelings for her and I want to give it one more shot. I am pretty sure that she won't accept it or she will want to see me to talk but then reject me. Or worst, she will accept and we will have relationship for couple of months and then she will dump me for another guy. Because she also dumped her ex for me. And she also dumped her 2nd previous ex for last ex. She does that.

I am thinking of taking this risk because I don't feel clean hurting someone. It has been 8 days since breakup and we haven't write each other anything. She seem so happy with new photos on facebook. I also know that she will just forget me and be happy anyway. I also feel she doesn't give much of a damn about me. Because at our last breakup talk she told that I was right because she always had backup plans in her relationships. She also said that she didn't want me to break up with her because it is first time someone breaking up with her and her ego talked that time. She made ambition to get me back but not with real feelings.

When I heard those from her, I told to myself, okay, she showed her real face. Breaking up is the right decision. But after 8 days I miss her and I feel like I want her and hug her and kiss her and I don't want her to be with anyone else but me. I know this will lead me to a huge heartbreak but at the end I will feel like "I did my best and I am clean".

I feel so complicated and weird last 3 days. I can not think straight.

December 9, 2014

Don't go back. The same problems that caused you break up are still gonna be there.

And never go back because you feel guilty. I did, and the same things happened. She wasn't abusive towards me (sometimes with her passive aggressive tendencies), but I realized our personalities just weren't compatible, and we weren't meant to be.

December 9, 2014

Don't go back. The same problems that caused you break up are still gonna be there.

And never go back because you feel guilty. I did, and the same things happened. She wasn't abusive towards me (sometimes with her passive aggressive tendencies), but I realized our personalities just weren't compatible, and we weren't meant to be.

I am looking at that time when I broke up and I was very sure of what I was doing. But now I am having questions in my mind that if I did right thing.

I agree with you that if I go back, these things may arise again in my mind. But on the other hand I feel so dirty for hurting someone. I feel so sad for her and I feel like I never deserve to be happy due to what I have put her through. I also feel like everything will go upside down in my life because I hurt a person.

I also miss her so badly.

December 9, 2014

I am thinking of taking this risk because I don't feel clean hurting someone.

So let me get this straight - you want to go back to her because you feel bad. You feel guilty. So you're going to get back into a relationship you didn't want to be in so that you can feel better? Except you won't feel better because you'll be in a relationship you didn't want to be in.

That seems... questionable.

Listen, dating and relationships come with this sort of downside. You're either dumped and have no control over it (pain), you break up with them (guilt and pain), you stay with them and you're miserable (pain and numbness), or you stay with them and you're happy (yay!).

Feeling guilty is not a reason to get back with someone. Loving them and having worked through your (singular and collective) issues is a reason to get back with someone. You're just going to hurt yourself and hurt her worse with your plan.

How about just coping with the guilt, instead? Here's something to start you off: you are not so important in the grand scheme of things that you ruined her life. She will get over you.

December 9, 2014

So let me get this straight - you want to go back to her because you feel bad. You feel guilty. So you're going to get back into a relationship you didn't want to be in so that you can feel better? Except you won't feel better because you'll be in a relationship you didn't want to be in.

That seems... questionable.

Listen, dating and relationships come with this sort of downside. You're either dumped and have no control over it (pain), you break up with them (guilt and pain), you stay with them and you're miserable (pain and numbness), or you stay with them and you're happy (yay!).

Feeling guilty is not a reason to get back with someone. Loving them and having worked through your (singular and collective) issues is a reason to get back with someone. You're just going to hurt yourself and hurt her worse with your plan.

How about just coping with the guilt, instead? Here's something to start you off: you are not so important in the grand scheme of things that you ruined her life. She will get over you.

I agree 100%.

December 9, 2014

Was going to respond with some advice, but no need after what idoltree said.

Head this advice, rockbottom.

December 9, 2014

So let me get this straight - you want to go back to her because you feel bad. You feel guilty. So you're going to get back into a relationship you didn't want to be in so that you can feel better? Except you won't feel better because you'll be in a relationship you didn't want to be in.

That seems... questionable.

Listen, dating and relationships come with this sort of downside. You're either dumped and have no control over it (pain), you break up with them (guilt and pain), you stay with them and you're miserable (pain and numbness), or you stay with them and you're happy (yay!).

Feeling guilty is not a reason to get back with someone. Loving them and having worked through your (singular and collective) issues is a reason to get back with someone. You're just going to hurt yourself and hurt her worse with your plan.

How about just coping with the guilt, instead? Here's something to start you off: you are not so important in the grand scheme of things that you ruined her life. She will get over you.

Bingo. You just don't want to go through this phase of emotions, but you have to. What are you gonna be miserable just so you don't have to feel this? I did, and it sucked. She ended up dumping me anyways. When you feel in your heart you guys just aren't right for each other, cut ties.

December 9, 2014

I don't think guilt or pity are good reasons to go back to a relationship. Those aren't your sole reasons, but I don't think it should play a part at all. You will end up dumping her again because the same problems still exist. It's normal to feel guilt for hurting someone, but the proper response is not to go back to the relationship. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean you are a bad person.

December 9, 2014

But you broke up with her not because you don't love her, but because as you mentioned - "red flags". Red flags mean she was cheating on you, or disrespected you, and practically made backup plans.

What has changed in the last week? The red flags are gone?

December 9, 2014

So let me get this straight - you want to go back to her because you feel bad. You feel guilty. So you're going to get back into a relationship you didn't want to be in so that you can feel better? Except you won't feel better because you'll be in a relationship you didn't want to be in.

That seems... questionable.

Listen, dating and relationships come with this sort of downside. You're either dumped and have no control over it (pain), you break up with them (guilt and pain), you stay with them and you're miserable (pain and numbness), or you stay with them and you're happy (yay!).

Feeling guilty is not a reason to get back with someone. Loving them and having worked through your (singular and collective) issues is a reason to get back with someone. You're just going to hurt yourself and hurt her worse with your plan.

How about just coping with the guilt, instead? Here's something to start you off: you are not so important in the grand scheme of things that you ruined her life. She will get over you.

This was very rough but true. Thank you for the comment.

To be honest, why I want to get back is that I think of her with another guy and this hurt me so much. When I was breaking up I was fine for her to be with someone else and I was praying that she finds someone else and get over me and so I can move on guilt free. But as time passed, my feelings changed and became obsessed over her as she didnt write me. I am thinking of her 7/24 and it drives me crazy to think of her being with someone else. Hurts so bad. If I could just trust her, our relationship would be amazing and I would even think of marrying her. She was amazing for me. But she had lots of guys around her and the sad think is she was flirting some of them and keeping their exs in her life even we started dating even though she cut contact with them later.

I couldn't trust her because I thought she will do same thing that she did to her exs. Keep me in her life till someone better comes off.

And no, red flags are still there but she is improving it. She deleted most of the guys from her facebook and she is so much more trustable now.

December 9, 2014

I couldn't trust her because I thought she will do same thing that she did to her exs. Keep me in her life till someone better comes off.

This is the only line you need to memorize and do it very well,

Use that as your new mantra, and don't let it quell.

She doesn't respect you, certainly not enough to drop other guys,

So either date her and be wary, or find a much better prize!

I will admit, it is kind of a rush,

To have an ex come back (or go back..) and say "I wish we never broke up".

But if that day ever happens, and I'm certain it probably will,

You're probably plan D at that point....with a plan E for the thrill.

December 10, 2014

This is the only line you need to memorize and do it very well,
Use that as your new mantra, and don't let it quell.
She doesn't respect you, certainly not enough to drop other guys,
So either date her and be wary, or find a much better prize!

I will admit, it is kind of a rush,
To have an ex come back (or go back..) and say "I wish we never broke up".
But if that day ever happens, and I'm certain it probably will,
You're probably plan D at that point....with a plan E for the thrill.

She had those exs in her life till she met me. She was still texting or having calls from them and she was meeting them. She even wrote one of them that she still have feelings for him and he wrote her back that "I thought your feelings were gone." and she replied "I thought so too.". This happened at the first week of our relationship. Next week of this text, she shooted him out of her life like a garbage, cold bloodded. This just created a big hole in my mind about her. I always thought "is she going to do the same to me?"

I am having a training to become a pilot and we both live in a small city. She is graduating and leaving the city in 7-8 months and planning to go to a bigger city to become a air hostess. My gut told me that she will ditch me as soon as she will go to that big city because there are millions of guys and lots of pilots at her job. And in that period, I will be in the middle of my training and I just didn't want to risk to get hurt. I just couldn't trust her at all.

I liked your comment. That sentence should be my mantra. Thank you for your comment.

I am pretty sure I will have my setbacks but I better man up and move on and stop whining like a little bitch.

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I am thinking of taking risk to contact my ex to become a dumpee in future.

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