3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I've been dating this girl for about 2 months and recently she is being withdrawn and kind of strange. We have sex whenever we're together, but at the same time we hardly talk outside of that. She has a 3 yr old and the father doesn't help much and she can't stand him. Long story short...I gave her an out get (you left 2 pairs of shoes at my place come and it) she didn't accept it but instead insisted that she would communicate more and she's just not use to thinking of anyone but her and her daughter. things are drifting apart further (to me anyway). She came over and was all over me for some reason. Then as she was leaving, she grabbed one pair of shoes and left the others and then said, "one thing at a time." She came over the next day was all over me again and didn't bother to take the damn shoes. Why is she leaving this crap around my place, but at the same time acting like she doesn't want a relationship??
toscaroscura Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 She doesn't want a relationship with you, but wants to leave that door open for sex or to alleviate her loneliness when it suits her. What do YOU want? If you feel unfulfilled in this arrangement, I'd suggest just biting the bullet and breaking up. You can meet at a public place to exchange any leftover stuff. 1
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 I really like her and don't want to push her away...I told her how I felt about her before all this started..my mistake. We usually talk a little everyday, but yesterday complete silence. So now it's got me twisted and thinking. I don't want to come across as desperate so I haven't contacted her either. She was also acting weird when she came over...casually looking around my apartment as if she was trying to find something hidden and then playing video games on her phone which she NEVER does around me... Should I contact her? Does that come across as weak? Or should I just see how today plays out?
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I've been dating this girl for about 2 months and recently she is being withdrawn and kind of strange. We have sex whenever we're together, but at the same time we hardly talk outside of that. She has a 3 yr old and the father doesn't help much and she can't stand him. Long story short...I gave her an out get (you left 2 pairs of shoes at my place come and it) she didn't accept it but instead insisted that she would communicate more and she's just not use to thinking of anyone but her and her daughter. things are drifting apart further (to me anyway). She came over and was all over me for some reason. Then as she was leaving, she grabbed one pair of shoes and left the others and then said, "one thing at a time." She came over the next day was all over me again and didn't bother to take the damn shoes. Why is she leaving this crap around my place, but at the same time acting like she doesn't want a relationship?? You gave her an out, "come and take your shoes away", she panicked as she doesn't want to lose you so she promised to be more communicative. She was all over you because she doesn't want to lose you. She didn't take both pairs of shoes as she doesn't want it to end. Next day she is all over you and didn't take the remaining shoes, because she doesn't want to stop seeing you. She was also acting weird when she came over...casually looking around my apartment as if she was trying to find something hidden - she was looking for signs you have another woman and that is why you you have gone off her. Speak to her.
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) You gave her an out, "come and take your shoes away", she panicked as she doesn't want to lose you so she promised to be more communicative. She was all over you because she doesn't want to lose you. She didn't take both pairs of shoes as she doesn't want it to end. Next day she is all over you and didn't take the remaining shoes, because she doesn't want to stop seeing you. - she was looking for signs you have another woman and that is why you you have gone off her. Speak to her. Then why is she acting distant and not contacting me at all?? what should I say without coming across as desperate or needy? I know somethings wrong, but I can't pinpoint it... Edited December 9, 2014 by 3rdone
mammasita Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Then why is she acting distant and not contacting me at all?? what should I say without coming across as desperate or needy? I know somethings wrong, but I can't pinpoint it... She's playing games, doing what suits HER agenda and nothing else. You need to lay things on the table....honestly, I think you should let her go. IMO, she's already gone at this point - just stringing you along to suit her needs and nothing else.
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 i'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she's a single mother...how would you go about talking to her about it? All she talks about is her child which I understand, but it's almost obsessive. I feel if I say anything about that, it will really tick her off...or is this a lost cause What should I say?
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Then why is she acting distant and not contacting me at all?? what should I say without coming across as desperate or needy? I know somethings wrong, but I can't pinpoint it... I guess her main priority is her daughter. Has she got money worries? Is she just tired? Was her last relationship abusive or pretty ****ty and her self esteem is a bit low, so she just waiting for you to make all the moves. and maintaining the contact. Speak to her and tell her how you view the relationship and ask her why she seems distant. She may not want to be, she may just be a shy introverted person, or she may not want to appear too keen as she has been hurt before. Take her out, go do some things she is interested in, so you have something to talk about, and so you are not just having sex.
Emilia Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Then why is she acting distant and not contacting me at all?? what should I say without coming across as desperate or needy? I know somethings wrong, but I can't pinpoint it... abandonment issues
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Well in the correct time frame...it only got weird over the past 24 hours of no communication Monday-today. She texted me saturday morning and asked what I was doing for the day. I told her I had plans this past saturday with my friends (all of whom she met). I told her I didn't have much time but she could stop by. She was REALLY happy to see me and before Ihad to leave she tried to get me to have sex. I refused and told her I needed to go. She did agree to come over the next day. Things got strange the next day (sunday). She was kinda standoff-ish but still cuddling on the couch (hard to explain). She acted like she didn't want to kiss, but we did anyway. to top it off this is the first time I had to initiate sex..usually she does. then Monday for whatever reason I don't hear from her at all.
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 i'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she's a single mother...how would you go about talking to her about it? All she talks about is her child which I understand, but it's almost obsessive. I feel if I say anything about that, it will really tick her off...or is this a lost cause What should I say? Her child is all she has, it is the centre of her world. Get a baby sitter and you need to go out more as a couple so you have something to talk about, so you make some memories of your own.
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 I guess her main priority is her daughter. Has she got money worries? Is she just tired? Was her last relationship abusive or pretty ****ty and her self esteem is a bit low, so she just waiting for you to make all the moves. and maintaining the contact. Speak to her and tell her how you view the relationship and ask her why she seems distant. She may not want to be, she may just be a shy introverted person, or she may not want to appear too keen as she has been hurt before. Take her out, go do some things she is interested in, so you have something to talk about, and so you are not just having sex. OMG you're nailing a lot of this right on the head..money issues? YES...is she tired? YES (She almost fell asleep on my couch) I'm only the second guy she's dated since her daughter was born...she's 3yrs old. She said she is reluctant to let anyone in and is scared. And she is bad at communication and admits it!! She is also very shy... So is this all falling back on me? Why the pullback to no communication? Does she think I'm dating someone else? Is She?
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Her child is all she has, it is the centre of her world. Get a baby sitter and you need to go out more as a couple so you have something to talk about, so you make some memories of your own. we've had quite a few dates...wine tour, dinner, going out to bars with friends, art functions, etc...I have to admit it has tapered off a bit. The last thing we did was the wine tour the weekend before thanksgiving.
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Well in the correct time frame...it only got weird over the past 24 hours of no communication Monday-today. She texted me saturday morning and asked what I was doing for the day. I told her I had plans this past saturday with my friends (all of whom she met). I told her I didn't have much time but she could stop by. She was REALLY happy to see me and before Ihad to leave she tried to get me to have sex. I refused and told her I needed to go. She did agree to come over the next day. Things got strange the next day (sunday). She was kinda standoff-ish but still cuddling on the couch (hard to explain). She acted like she didn't want to kiss, but we did anyway. to top it off this is the first time I had to initiate sex..usually she does. then Monday for whatever reason I don't hear from her at all. She initiated contact and asked what are you doing, you said you were going to see friends, she at that point she thought, "What friends?, Girlfriends maybe??" Why am I excluded?" So she decided on sex to try and keep you on side, which you refused, so a bit embarrassing for her and a bit worrying too, why doesn't he want sex with me? Worry, worry, worry. I wonder what he is really up to?... he wants the shoes gone and now he doesn't want sex. Worry worry worry. Next day Sunday, she was still reeling from the rejection, she tried it on Saturday you turned her down, so she was unlikely to try again on Sunday to get rejected again, hence you had to make the moves. Monday - "He probably has another girl and is only using me for sex when he wants to." ,"I tried initiating the contact on Saturday and he rejected me, so I'll just wait till he contacts me..."
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 She initiated contact and asked what are you doing, you said you were going to see friends, she at that point she thought, "What friends?, Girlfriends maybe??" Why am I excluded?" So she decided on sex to try and keep you on side, which you refused, so a bit embarrassing for her and a bit worrying too, why doesn't he want sex with me? Worry, worry, worry. I wonder what he is really up to?... he wants the shoes gone and now he doesn't want sex. Worry worry worry. Next day Sunday, she was still reeling from the rejection, she tried it on Saturday you turned her down, so she was unlikely to try again on Sunday to get rejected again, hence you had to make the moves. Monday - "He probably has another girl and is only using me for sex when he wants to." ,"I tried initiating the contact on Saturday and he rejected me, so I'll just wait till he contacts me..." wow...who are you?? So you think that even after we were intimate on Sunday she was still thinking about Saturday??? I did ask if I could see her that night (sat) if that counts for anything before I left and she said she would see if she could get free. But when we talked later that night thru text I didn't bring it up again...figured she would tell me if she could go or not.
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Does she think at this point all I want is sex? Even though I told her I was falling in love with her 3 days prior to all this?
stillafool Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 i'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she's a single mother...how would you go about talking to her about it? All she talks about is her child which I understand, but it's almost obsessive. I feel if I say anything about that, it will really tick her off...or is this a lost cause What should I say? Just be honest with her and forget how you sound. Tell her you really like her and would like to spend more time with her. Offer to take her and her daughter out so she'll know you are interested in more than just sex with her. I commend her for putting her child first.
stillafool Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Does she think at this point all I want is sex? Even though I told her I was falling in love with her 3 days prior to all this? OOPs, sorry didn't read the above before my prior post. If you have already told her the above what was her response to that?
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 So you think that even after we were intimate on Sunday she was still thinking about Saturday??? Of course, being rejected sexually is difficult for a woman (because everyone says, "men always want sex") and it is going to be more difficult for a shy, insecure person, who says she is "reluctant to let anyone in". 1
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) She went after me like a wild animal...did she say it back, no. I didn't expect anything back as she is bad at communicating anything along those lines and really has a hard time letting people in and has told me so. our faces were within an inch of each other and her smile could not be wiped off her face... Edited December 9, 2014 by 3rdone
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Of course, being rejected sexually is difficult for a woman (because everyone says, "men always want sex") and it is going to be more difficult for a shy, insecure person, who says she is "reluctant to let anyone in". So you think this is the sole reason for her NOT contacting me yesterday (Monday)...? Not because I scared her with the "I'm falling in love with you"? which I said last Wednesday? So she's waiting on me to contact her? I don't even know what to say at this point
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 So you think this is the sole reason for her NOT contacting me yesterday (Monday)...? Not because I scared her with the "I'm falling in love with you"? which I said last Wednesday? So she's waiting on me to contact her? I don't even know what to say at this point Having put yourself out there with the Ily, you are also feeling a bit vulnerable. I doubt this has anything to do with scaring her off. Just phone/text/email her and ask her what she is doing. I guess she is waiting for you.
pteromom Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 i'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she's a single mother...how would you go about talking to her about it? All she talks about is her child which I understand, but it's almost obsessive. I feel if I say anything about that, it will really tick her off...or is this a lost cause What should I say? The child is 3 - of course she is obsessive. At 3, the child needs his/her mother a lot. If you want to be in a relationship with a single mother, you have to accept that you aren't her top priority. If that's not ok with you, this isn't the relationship for you. 1
Author 3rdone Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 The child is 3 - of course she is obsessive. At 3, the child needs his/her mother a lot. If you want to be in a relationship with a single mother, you have to accept that you aren't her top priority. If that's not ok with you, this isn't the relationship for you. I do accept it wholeheartedly...I think it's awesome. I want to meet her, I want them both in my life. We've had that discussion. It's just within the past few days that things got weird 1
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