unbeknown Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Hey all So I've been speaking to this girl now for around 8 months (she's 21, I'm 24) and we've still yet to meet up. The way I've always looked at dating is I prefer to get out of the texting world and in to real life as soon as possible, because at the end of the day anyone can make a connection through text - it's what happens in person that counts. As cliche as it is life's too short. We could realise we've wasted 8 months of talking and not hanging out having fun or we could realise we've wasted 8 months of talking. Same same. So anyway I've invited her out a few times before but she seems super super shy and has turned me down each time. She's even said she's too nervous and does really want to meet up but is too scared. Normally I wouldn't have kept conversing with a girl after so many rejections but something about her really interests me. I'd invited her out tomorrow but she's busy again but this time suggested I go out tonight with her and her friend for drinks tonight (and probably a club too). Should I go? Would me meeting her with her friend help her relax and agree to a 1-to-1 date with me next time? Or will there be too much pressure on me having to talk to both girls? I am a fairly confident non-awkward person but these kind of scenario's always seem to put me on the backfoot as I can't fully converse with the girl I want to date. My usual fear is they both talk to each other loads and I sit there like a lemon and give off the impression that I'm boring ha. Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice greatly appreciated Thanks!
PegNosePete Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) Does she expect you to buy her and her friend drinks all night? Chances are it will be interview style as both her and her friend interrogate you, whilst being kept in pina coladas by you, and getting no alone time whatsoever. Yes there is a very good chance that they will talk to each other (about you) and you will be stuck there like a lemon. I can't really see that ending well. What you could do is say sure, and since she is bringing her friend, you'll bring yours. That will make it an even 2-2. I think her reaction to that idea would be very revealing. Edited December 9, 2014 by PegNosePete
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I would go, but don't expect much private time at all. Bring a friend with you too, otherwise the whole situation is going to awkward. I can understand her wanting to err on the side of caution, but after 8 months of only talking, I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't work out. I think it's going to be very difficult to bring her out of her shell; you will have to decide if it's worth your time and effort.
sillyanswer Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 So I've been speaking to this girl now for around 8 months (she's 21, I'm 24) and we've still yet to meet up. Why are you still trying to see her after all this time when she's being evasive about meeting you?
d0nnivain Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 She's immature if she can't meet you without her friend. Given that huge negative, why do you still want her? Assuming you do, go meet them but I wouldn't get sucked into treating them both all night. Do you have a buddy or two you could drag along just to even things out?
doeblin Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Hey all So I've been speaking to this girl now for around 8 months (she's 21, I'm 24) and we've still yet to meet up. she seems super super shy and has turned me down each time. I'd invited her out tomorrow but she's busy again but this time suggested I go out tonight with her and her friend for drinks tonight (and probably a club too). I don't understand. She goes to clubs, but she's too shy to meet a guy she'd been texting for months for a simple coffee-date? While I guess it's not impossible, it is an implausible combination of extraversion and shyness. Weird! Anyway, bring a buddy of yours to keep the other girl occupied. (Oh, and I would've moved on after the first few flakes... but if she's that amazing... then maybe not...)
Author unbeknown Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 I guess I still want to meet out of curiosity really. She is incredibly cute and I weridly like the challenge. Expectations aren't too high either due to how long it's been of us chatting so I'm not expecting anything or investing too much but I'm a curious person and don't want to dwell on what could have been. I always like to meet up with people to decide. I defintiely wouldn't be buying them drinks all night I don't understand. She goes to clubs, but she's too shy to meet a guy she'd been texting for months for a simple coffee-date? While I guess it's not impossible, it is an implausible combination of extraversion and shyness. Weird! Baffles me too. the only explanation I can think of is she is insecure and with friends she feels comfort and safety - the idea of meeting someone new (even though we've been speaking for 8 months) as a one on one situation makes her nervous as she feels pressure and doesn't want there to be an awkward silence.
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I would take other posters suggestion and bring your own friend. You should tell her I will go but I am bringing my friend (insert name here) with me since you are bringing a friend. You should also make it clear you are not buying the drinks for them. It would be different if it was just the two of you to but I don't think you should have to buy her friend a drink since you don't want to date her friend. I'm a woman by the way. You could tell her you will buy her drinks but not her friend's drinks. Just so her friend knows in advance to bring money.
PegNosePete Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I wouldn't bother mentioning money beforehand. If her friend doesn't bring money it's her own damn fault for assuming you'd be paying for her, and she can toddle off home to get some. 2
Georgia2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I wouldn't bother mentioning money beforehand. If her friend doesn't bring money it's her own damn fault for assuming you'd be paying for her, and she can toddle off home to get some. I think it would be rude if he didn't mention he's not buying the friend a drink.
d0nnivain Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I think it would be rude if he didn't mention he's not buying the friend a drink. I think it's rude that either of these girls think he's expected to pay for them, especially for them both. Even if it was a one on one date I think both people -- the man & the woman -- ought to have enough money (or credit) to pick up the entire tab. The dark ages & the 1950s are over.
Detectingfreak Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I guess I still want to meet out of curiosity really. She is incredibly cute and I weridly like the challenge. Expectations aren't too high either due to how long it's been of us chatting so I'm not expecting anything or investing too much but I'm a curious person and don't want to dwell on what could have been. I always like to meet up with people to decide. I defintiely wouldn't be buying them drinks all night Baffles me too. the only explanation I can think of is she is insecure and with friends she feels comfort and safety - the idea of meeting someone new (even though we've been speaking for 8 months) as a one on one situation makes her nervous as she feels pressure and doesn't want there to be an awkward silence. I went on a date with a girl once and she brought her friend. She smoked my weed, made me buy them both alcohol that I didn't even have because I got way to high. And they took the alcohol they didn't finish and didn't pay me for it. She also made me spend $15 on cigarettes which I didn't smoke. Dating is really stupid now a days because woman expect the man to foot the bill for everything. This is why I do not date anymore and don't plan to. Dating is sooo 1950's. In this day and age you cannot date because you get screwed every-time by woman who take advantage of you. I wouldn't even go.
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