bf distancing himself after argument one month ago!!

[jasmine3]

Hi everyone..I am new to the forum

 

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost 2 1/2 years and have really hit a rough spot lately and I am at a loss as to what to do. Most of our issues have always stemed from jealousy/insecurity issues on his part. We had a major (worse ever) fight around the end of October that resulted in us not talking and me needing to think things over for a week and a half. The fight started after he flew into a jealous rage because he saw where I was friends on facebook with a guy from out past whom was an aquaintance of his that was trying to be "friendly" with me. He accused me of messaging the guy (which was not the case) and trying to cheat on him with the guy. I was honestly hurt that he would jump to those type of conclusion over being friends with someone on facebook.

The next morning after the fight, I was devastated and hurt that he would act in such an immature manner and not talk things over the night before that I told him that I just needed some time to think things through.

After the period of "thinking things through" was over with, things just didnt seem the same. He seemed to be acting totally out of the norm such as starting petty fights, taking longer than usual to answer a text, going all day without talking to me, making no effort to see me or be intimate with me, doing things to get a reaction from me.

I basically didnt hear from him but once this past Saturday and I confronted him about it on Sunday morning and his response was, "here we go again." I initiated conversation about us only having sex twice since October and the fact that he makes no effort to see me anymore and the dynamics of our relationship had changed. He basically told me that nothing was any different for him and that he had not felt like being intimate because of the arguments that we had had and the fb situation. I asked him if he thought that we should just break up and he avoided the question but said, "obviously thats what you want. Im so tired of arguing with you over nothing, if you're unhappy then move on." The conversation just went on to how everything is his fault etc.

I really love this man but I feel like he is shutting me out and refusing to let us move forward because of a stupid immature social media argument. At this point, I dont know what to do. I feel like he has been distancing himself from me and I have basically responded by getting upset because we havent been seeing each other. Should I just leave him alone and let him get over it on his own time since he seems to still be holding a grudge.

[PogoStick]

Nope, don't drag it out. End it. You can thank me later for saving you another 3 months (or 3 years) of misery.

[ExpatInItaly]

He wants out. But he doesn't have the b*lls to end it; it's going to have to be you. You shouldn't be subjected to such immature and manipulative behaviour either. My feeling is that he is using this argument as an excuse to pull away, when really the problems are deeper than that.

 

I would pull the plug. You can't sustain a relationship this way and he doesn't appear to be all that interested in doing so.

[Rik777]

I disagree with the advise you have been given so far. Think about this, you were in a happy relationship that was getting serious. You and your boyfriend had a heated disagreement because you added someone on facebook that you and your boyfriend both knew that he liked you. Knowing this you still accepted him. Any boyfriend that loved you deeply will feel extremely let down! And may act in the manner your boyfriend has. It feels like being cheating on. He has obviously overreacted. However, in my opinion you played part in this. At the end of the day he is your man, if he does not like you being friends with this person, then DELETE him from your profile. Then sit down with him (your boyfriend) and let him know that you feel that he has overreacted to someone who meant nothing to you. Advise him, that since he felt so strongly about it, you have deleted this person, because he (you boyfriend) means a lot to you. You boyfriend just need a bit of reassurance that you have your eyes on him and nobody else. I say DONT split up from him over this. Yes you can both take a break from being together, but pls be aware that it is unlikely that you peeps will get back together, although in some cases it does works. Personally you are to take some blame for this and you should learn from it by putting yourself in his shoes (If you saw him do the same to a girl that liked him). You may have added this person on Facebook with good intentions, but us guys know what the other guys maybe thinking. Most of the time it turns out to be true. Wish you guys best of lack.

[Redhead14]

Hi everyone..I am new to the forum

 

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost 2 1/2 years and have really hit a rough spot lately and I am at a loss as to what to do. Most of our issues have always stemed from jealousy/insecurity issues on his part. We had a major (worse ever) fight around the end of October that resulted in us not talking and me needing to think things over for a week and a half. The fight started after he flew into a jealous rage because he saw where I was friends on facebook with a guy from out past whom was an aquaintance of his that was trying to be "friendly" with me. He accused me of messaging the guy (which was not the case) and trying to cheat on him with the guy. I was honestly hurt that he would jump to those type of conclusion over being friends with someone on facebook.

The next morning after the fight, I was devastated and hurt that he would act in such an immature manner and not talk things over the night before that I told him that I just needed some time to think things through.

After the period of "thinking things through" was over with, things just didnt seem the same. He seemed to be acting totally out of the norm such as starting petty fights, taking longer than usual to answer a text, going all day without talking to me, making no effort to see me or be intimate with me, doing things to get a reaction from me.

I basically didnt hear from him but once this past Saturday and I confronted him about it on Sunday morning and his response was, "here we go again." I initiated conversation about us only having sex twice since October and the fact that he makes no effort to see me anymore and the dynamics of our relationship had changed. He basically told me that nothing was any different for him and that he had not felt like being intimate because of the arguments that we had had and the fb situation. I asked him if he thought that we should just break up and he avoided the question but said, "obviously thats what you want. Im so tired of arguing with you over nothing, if you're unhappy then move on." The conversation just went on to how everything is his fault etc.

I really love this man but I feel like he is shutting me out and refusing to let us move forward because of a stupid immature social media argument. At this point, I dont know what to do. I feel like he has been distancing himself from me and I have basically responded by getting upset because we havent been seeing each other. Should I just leave him alone and let him get over it on his own time since he seems to still be holding a grudge.

 

He is distancing himself. You need to stop contacting him until he contacts you again. This does not mean you should pull back as well and not respond when he does. Just stay neutral for now. If he contacts you, you meet him in person to have a mature, calm discussion. If he refuses to address it that way, you don't have much of an option, it will never be resolved.

[dreamingoftigers]

Honestly, the sudden paranoia, blameshifting and lack of intimacy.

 

I think he's found someone new to play with and can't own up to it and end things like a man.

[spiderowl]

I get the impression he's breaking up by default. He's behaving in such a way that you will break up with him. It's probably not repairable after that big fight. He feels he cannot trust you and you, quite reasonably, feel he was being over the top. Once trust goes, there isn't a relationship. You can try talking to him about trust but would need to understand why he felt so insecure. I have a feeling it would just end in another fight again. Relationship counselling might help but it sounds like he's opted out.

[smackie9]

Seriously his jealousy is abusive. It's not healthy and you can fix him. Don't be at a loss, be the f happy you don't have to put up with his crap anymore.....trust me once the leash falls off, you will want to run, you just haven't realized it's fallen off yet.

[darkmoon]

perhaps calling him immature gave him the signpost to go elsewhere, you did not care enough to put him first over the facebook friend

 

so do you really love him?

Edited December 9, 2014 by darkmoon

[smackie9]

Seriously his jealousy is abusive. It's not healthy and you can fix him. Don't be at a loss, be the f happy you don't have to put up with his crap anymore.....trust me once the leash falls off, you will want to run, you just haven't realized it's fallen off yet.

I meant you ***can't fix him