accident_prone Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) thanks in advance to any replies/advice. been dating a girl for 6 weeks now. im 26 and she is 23. started out just seeing each other once a week and then the past couple weeks have been averaging twice a week. we have nearly opposite schedules but we've worked it out. all of our dates have gone really well and each has been fun and different but nothing has felt forced whatsoever. here's where i'm confused a little. i like this girl a lot and every time we're together she is very affectionate and we get along great! but when we're not together we barely speak. i'm always working during the day and she works mornings and is asleep by the time i'm off but we've managed to pretty much text at least once a day (to exchange pleasantries, to quote her) from the start. i know its not the ideal form of communication but it is better than none but neither of us are big on it. this week has been the busiest and we've been unable to see each other at all and talked very little which is a bummer. we had plans to have dinner last night but she texted me halfway through the day saying she needed to raincheck cause hw and having to work early today. i responded a bit later and she asked if i was mad and told her i wasn't. it just seems weird to me that all the sudden she's not really having time or into making any effort to get together. if she hasnt heard from me (like all day today) she'll send a "hope youre having a good day" message or something of the like, and we talk for a minute while im not busy and i try to set something up to see her (you, know the POINT of the whole thing) and she seems to not have any free time. she SAY what days she off but follows it up with the fact that she isnt free and proceeds to tell me why. and then i say i'm free on whatever night but they dont match and she seems to be "bummed" by it, but that does us no good to not be able to make time for each other. am i wrong? to be fair, she is super busy with school work the rest of the week but idk if thats the full story. i'll assume it is for now. so i totally get that we're not exclusive to each other as it is still early and i dont expect it, but things started and were going so well and now it almost feels as we have hit a bit of a wall and its pretty disappointing and by the time i see her next it will have probably been two weeks, which is fine as im busy but i feel that things may be weird or something especially with such little contact between. normally i'd not bother much at this point but i really like this girl so i'm trying. last night part of our conversation addressed our nearly opposite schedules and she said "we're on the same page, lets just go with the flow." as if weren't already?! and she keeps reaching out and whatnot even though she cant hangout all week. i am both a bit confused and disheartened by this sudden dropoff on what looked promising. any realistic advice or am over reacting as i am want to do? thanks for reading my nonsense! Edited December 9, 2014 by accident_prone typos
Mitzimojo Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I hate to say it but this girl just isn't interested anymore. I know that things were great at the beginning but as so often happens things just don't continue to click and someone pulls away. That someone who pulls away doesn't necessarily want to pull away because they remember how good it was at the beginning so instead of leaving completely they just pull back a bit. Say they want to see you but then aren't available. They don't text or call like they used to. Keep stringing you along, thinking they are being kind but really just confusing you. This girl is no longer interested. You need to move on. And don't have a conversation with her about it. Just say "see ya" and move on. There are plenty of great girls out there whose schedules will match yours and who will want to spend time with you. But you have to be available to find them. Good luck, stay strong and don't worry. Everything is going to be amazing.
Danda Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 My advice would be to drop your enthusiasm for a bit and stop initiating contact. See if she does the 'fade' or if she actually makes an effort to plan something. If she is just one of those wishy-washy people who don't have the guts/respect to just say flat out, "I'm no longer interested," so you can move on, then she will just fade out quickly if you stop initiating contact or acting all excited/happy when she texts you. If her life really is hectic and exhausting right now but she does really like you, and she sees you possibly losing interest, she will find a way to fit you into her schedule and say so. Normally I'd be in the 'just move on' crowd, but if you really like her and do want to try, this is the approach I recommend. Because otherwise you could wind up increasingly hurt and flustered if you keep trying to arrange something and showing obvious interest and keep getting blown off, and you'll likely wind up feeling ticked and ego-bruised if it turns out she was stringing you along the whole time. 1
Author accident_prone Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 thanks for each of your responses. it was my gut feeling that something stopped clicking for her but wanted to give it a chance to see if i was just being paranoid. we have dinner planned for tomorrow night and i'm going to gauge her interest level and see how it goes as it is remotely possible this has just been a bad week for her with school and whatnot. if it feels 'off' when we're together i am going to move past this and not waste anymore time. thanks!
Author accident_prone Posted December 12, 2014 Author Posted December 12, 2014 so we met for dinner last night. she seemed thrilled to see me and we went to this nice place near my house. dinner was great and we just caught up on the past week. felt like any of our previous dates. afterwards, we came back to my place and almost as soon as we got inside, she jumped me. it was great being that we haven't had a chance to be intimate in a few weeks as a majority of our dates have been on her side (she lives with her parents) or short nights out of town. so i wonder if our few weeks with a lack of sex could have played into her seeming off and maybe being confused, granted we were plenty close all those times regardless? again, i dont know. we hung out a little while after and then she went home. all in all it was an ideal/well paced night together. i am just trying to figure out/decide how to play it. i do really like her but i'm certainly not putting her on a pedestal like i almost did. any ideas, experience, insight? thanks!
GemmaUK Posted December 12, 2014 Posted December 12, 2014 It just sounds like she is busy and not much of a texter to me. Lack of intimacy - if as you say you had reached that stage can make a woman feel as though things are tapering off. Sounds to me like she is very interested from her actions. Maybe you should talk to her and say that you like a bit more communication between dates.
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