jogoldst Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I dont know if its the emotional games or that I still love her after how horrible she has been, but I cant seem to heal. Doing everything one is supposed to do - focusing on work, hanging out with friends, excerssing, but even in these I still think about her alot. Wake up at night and still see her. I started goign to therapy, but still, cant seem to stop thinking about her beauty and the good times Heres my story - its long and I posted it before, but what the heck. How do you move on? My ex played with my back and forth for quite sometime. Got mad at me when she found out I was dating, and when she is in a new relationship wants nothing to do with me. I mean i know she was yo-yoing me and keeping me on the back burner until she found someone else, but now that she did, she wants nothing to do with me. Funny thing is, whne I met someone else, she told me how could I? That I was intnetionally trying to hurt her and she was tryign to heal. Now that she is with someone else (same thing I was doing, she tells me she wants nothing to do with me. My story is below - its long, but added it anyway. My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 6 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful because we never had a discussion about it. She basically said fi you want to be with you'll move because I am moving regardless. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this. We were fighting alot, and about 5 months ago she freaks out at me and says some pretty hurtful things about me and my family, and I told er after that we could never go back and I was done. I delete her from FB, do all the things ur supposed to do, but after 2 weeks I really missed her and tried to come back. She told me that we we needed time and space and it was pretty obvious what we were doing, and she would pick up her things in a a day or so. After this I go out meet a girl, take her on a date and we make out. My ex calls me up in the middle of the night freakign out, telling me she hates me, were done, she told all her friends and family how horrible I am we are done. We had a few back and forths after this, her crying telling me to come over, and when I did she yelled and screamed at me in front of her roomates and told me to leave and she hated me. I tried to recitfy it and explain myself and she seemed like she was coming around. After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isnt dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again. We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people of if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter. After this (1 month post breakup) she checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I was doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I gave in and talked, she totally reverted and became cold and mean. When I say we needed to not talk, she gots extremely angry and freaked out about old arguments. It came to a head (2 months after breakup) when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and that we had out shot. 2 days after this (2.5 months after the breakup), she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new (nothing serious) and freaked out. Said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else (dating other people was her idea). She then said that she felt betrayed that I can move on so quickly and she is taking time to heal and I am now in a "serious relationship" and that I was "Intentionally trying to hurt her" (which is so far from it when I want since I wanted to be with her). She then texted me 2 days after this if we could have a serious conversation - I agreed, but she came back saying she didn’t need to and there was no point and nothing I could say would make her not feel hurt, but maybe I could email her and she might listen to how I feel. I just left it with maybe it’s not the best time for us to talk, and when things have calmed down we could have a discussion. After this, she literally blocked me on all forms of communication. About 2 month after she told me she missed me / 4 months post breakup) (present), she became extremely indifferent, almost professional-like when speaking to me. I find out from a friend she is dating someone else and he is "making her really happy" and they are in a new relation / BF/GF. After trying to meet up with her for a drink, she tells me to "move and and that I need to stop clinging to us and she doesnt want to confuse me." Her friend came into town last week (who I am a good friend with) and said that she has changed - is extremely prissy, stuck up, needs everyone to pay attention to her and that she is not the same person that we both know before we moved. She also said that spending time with her she realized she is extremely selfish - kind of sucks that she has turned int othis person. I sent her an email about 2 week ago (like 5 pages) basically saying everythign I wanted, everything Im improving on, and everything I wish I done. No response. She imed me today (4.5months post breakup) basically saying that she wants no relationship with me as friends or otherwise. After that I told her that I didn’t want it either because she is a selfish person that literally only cares about herself. Told her not to call, email or write me and I will not do the same.
tikay00 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 #1. Embrace ALL of the sadness, depression, anger, blah blah blah in the beginning. Get it ALL out, and don't run away from any of them. This is the first few days. #2. Be completely honest with yourself, and rationalize the entire relationship for what it was. Put your entire ego aside, and hurt your own pride if you have to, and think about all the good times, and all the bad times. Don't tell yourself, "no, I don't think it was because of this or that. I wasn't like that." Be 110% honest with yourself. But also, do not glamorize her. Think about more of a the non compatible things about her, but don't outright hate her. You will in the beginning, and it will help, but you have to slowly turn that hate into acceptance that it just wasn't meant to be. #3. Every single time you think about your ex, be it her face, memories, etc. literally in the same nano second, start thinking about something else. This is the biggest thing that helped me. Soon as her face pops up in your head, literally start thinking about something you have to do that day, or some car you saw in the street. Anything, but your ex. #4. Dive DEEP into anything and everything you enjoyed before meeting her. For instance, I follow basketball, UFC, boxing like a fiend. When I was with her, I didn't have time for all that. Now, I dive back into it, and follow it like I used to. Also, work out like a mad man, and talk to your friends, and go out. Going out helps like no other, because the more people you see, the more and more you push away the thought of your ex. You know what they say. The brain can only store so many names, and faces. The more new people you interact with, your brain will slowly start to push her out of your mind. Don't get me wrong, you're going to remember her, but you'll realize you're not thinking about her 24/7 like before, and then you keep building on that, and follow step #3 over and over again, until you condition your brain to stop thinking about her.
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