spanishchick00 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 In the past I've been on like 4 dates from OLD, so I'm always nervous about it, like anyone would be, but I've noticed the 4 guys told me, "You look shy, "You seem shy." Anything along those lines. I'm like wth? What am I doing that I'm coming off as "shy?" Just like 5 seconds the meet me, they tell me that I look shy. I make eye contact, I greet them, I tell them things about myself, I ask them questions. I don't look down on the ground the entire time, and on a first date-I'm not going to open up and tell them my life story or reveal any personal information. I don't trust someone at that point to do that... So, what am I doing that they assume that? I really don't like it when someone accuses me of my character when I have to have my guard up with some stranger. Does this make sense?
d0nnivain Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Maybe they are looking for the used car salesperson type -- real in your face. The fact that they are making incorrect assumptions is never good. However, the fact that 4 different people said this indicates to me that you may not come across as straightforward & you think you are. Can you get a good friend to assess your body language? 1
newmoon Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 i agree w/above. if several people tell you then it's something. one person could just be opinion, but 4+ means you're coming off as shy. perhaps when you go on the OLD pick an activity where you know you can shine and be outgoing. perhaps it's the setting (i.e. coffee date) that is making you tense/nervous. change of setting or activity may be needed for that first meetup. many of us are like you - slow to open up about ourselves, but you should be well able to talk about everything else in the world even if the topic isn't you.
CaliGypsy Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 If it happens again, just ask. There must be a commonality for four men to have commented on it .
toscaroscura Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I've been told this too. Around people I don't know I'm friendly, but polite and reserved. But I'm not shy or socially awkward. Maybe they are expecting more the loud, outgoing type? I agree with the others, if 4 people said something there might be truth to it.
Hopeful30 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Maybe you just have the look. Try and use it to your advantage.
Redhead14 Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 In the past I've been on like 4 dates from OLD, so I'm always nervous about it, like anyone would be, but I've noticed the 4 guys told me, "You look shy, "You seem shy." Anything along those lines. I'm like wth? What am I doing that I'm coming off as "shy?" Just like 5 seconds the meet me, they tell me that I look shy. I make eye contact, I greet them, I tell them things about myself, I ask them questions. I don't look down on the ground the entire time, and on a first date-I'm not going to open up and tell them my life story or reveal any personal information. I don't trust someone at that point to do that... So, what am I doing that they assume that? I really don't like it when someone accuses me of my character when I have to have my guard up with some stranger. Does this make sense? Shyness is not a character flaw, so it is not an attack on your character. Further, guardedness can come across as shyness. You need to be relaxed, not stiff, be a little more trusting before you've actually sat down with them. You need to go into each date with the mindset of enjoying it to begin with. If you meet them in a public place, you are not in any danger really. Park in a well lit place if you can, have your keys ready when you are leaving. Don't lock your car either before you go in. If you've had fun with them and want a kiss and they go in for it, do it. If they come on too strong during the date, tell them you are uncomfortable with that and see how they handle it. If they respect it for the rest of the date and offer to walk you to your car, you should be OK. If they don't respect that when you tell them, you can say you're uncomfortable and leave and not let them walk you to your car. Give them a chance first
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