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Ah man, that feeling when you find out your ex has a new bf/gf.

tikay00

By tikay00
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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Was doing so well in NC. Been a little over a month, and I got to the stage where I could go hours without thinking about her, and I was genuinely moving on, and almost completely over her.

 

Then I get too cocky, and check her FB for no other reason than being curious. Well, curiosity killed the cat. See that her relationship status is updated, and going out with her co worker that I knew she was catching feelings for during the end of our relationship.

 

Crazy part is, I checked her FB the day after they became official. They both updated it on December 6th, and I checked Dec. 7th. How trippy is that? Had to be destiny for me to see that. God's way of saying, "you need to see this buddy....".

 

I don't know whether this is a back to square one feeling I'm having, or just a temporary setback. I feel like I'm more sad that she's in a new relationship before me, and I saw that before I could fully heal, and move on.

 

It sucks, but in a way, I'm glad I saw it now, rather than later. Can't be mad at anyone but myself. If I didn't check it yesterday, I would've checked it in a few weeks anyways, just for the hell of it.

 

I know, I'm weak.

 

Moral of the story, no matter how strong you feel, and no matter how far along you think you've come in the healing process, STICK TO NC. Don't even take a quick peek.

Edited by tikay00
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HurtGator Established Member

HurtGator

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Was doing so well in NC. Been a little over a month, and I got to the stage where I could go hours without thinking about her, and I was genuinely moving on, and almost completely over her.

 

Then I get too cocky, and check her FB for no other reason than being curious. Well, curiosity killed the cat. See that her relationship status is updated, and going out with her co worker that I knew she was catching feelings for during the end of our relationship.

 

Crazy part is, I checked her FB the day after they became official. They both updated it on December 6th, and I checked Dec. 7th. How trippy is that? Had to be destiny for me to see that. God's way of saying, "you need to see this buddy....".

 

I don't know whether this is a back to square one feeling I'm having, or just a temporary setback. I feel like I'm more sad that she's in a new relationship before me, and I saw that before I could fully heal, and move on.

 

It sucks, but in a way, I'm glad I saw it now, rather than later. Can't be mad at anyone but myself. If I didn't check it yesterday, I would've checked it in a few weeks anyways, just for the hell of it.

 

I know, I'm weak.

 

Moral of the story, no matter how strong you feel, and no matter how far along you think you've come in the healing process, STICK TO NC. Don't even take a quick peek.

 

If you suspected something with the same guy before breaking up then she was probably emotionally cheating on you. Be lucky she left you.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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Don't be too hard on yourself. If you slip up it's a blip - it doesn't mean you've failed or crashed. Just go back to NC, and you can move forward again. Curiosity can be hard to resist, but you can do it if you put your mind to it.

 

She's with somebody else, and that always hurts, but eventually you will move on and be with someone new yourself.

 

Trust yourself and be good to yourself.

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jay999 New Member

jay999

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that sucks man! ive broken up with a girl and i know she will find someone before me.. its just a waiting game for me.. gonna kill :(

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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If you suspected something with the same guy before breaking up then she was probably emotionally cheating on you. Be lucky she left you.

 

I only suspected once I stopped putting any effort into the relationship, and I kind of felt like it wasn't going anywhere anymore. We argued way too many times, and it was just toxic. I have no doubts she probably talked to him for comfort during the times I was being my ass hole self, but yeah, I'm sure there was some emotional cheating going on well before the actual breakup.

 

And she probably got fed up with the relationship, and checked out before the breakup, like most dumpers do. Hell, like I did when I dumped her first, so I know the feeling.

 

In the end, I can't be mad. I broke her heart many times, and she couldn't live with that anymore, and I want her to be happy so bad, but a selfish side of me is hurt that she's in a new relationship.

 

Male ego talking. In the end, I just want her to be happy, and hopefully the new guy treats her the way I should have. It still stings actually knowing this.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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that sucks man! ive broken up with a girl and i know she will find someone before me.. its just a waiting game for me.. gonna kill :(

 

Yeah, it such a blow to the ego. For me, it's that feeling of regret, where you feel like the new guy will do everything you should have done for your ex. Show her the love you should have shown her. Not take her for granted. And that feeling where someone you loved has better chemistry with someone else, or they'll never get into arguments. Something you wish your relationship could have been, but the personalities were just too different.

 

And it's not even a feeling of wanting them back, or can't live with out them. It's like, "I wanted to move on before you!" :laugh: Selfish mentality, but can't help it.

Edited by tikay00
Satu Established Member

Satu

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I only suspected once I stopped putting any effort into the relationship, and I kind of felt like it wasn't going anywhere anymore. We argued way too many times, and it was just toxic. I have no doubts she probably talked to him for comfort during the times I was being my ass hole self, but yeah, I'm sure there was some emotional cheating going on well before the actual breakup.

 

And she probably got fed up with the relationship, and checked out before the breakup, like most dumpers do. Hell, like I did when I dumped her first, so I know the feeling.

 

In the end, I can't be mad. I broke her heart many times, and she couldn't live with that anymore, and I want her to be happy so bad, but a selfish side of me is hurt that she's in a new relationship.

 

Male ego talking. In the end, I just want her to be happy, and hopefully the new guy treats her the way I should have. It still stings actually knowing this.

 

Its important that you get to be happy too.

 

Save some good feelings for yourself.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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Its important that you get to be happy too.

 

Save some good feelings for yourself.

 

Oh no doubt. I'm not in a self depricating mind set. I was doing so well in my healing, and realized I didn't really want her back, but my curiosity got the best of me.

 

I just hope this isn't a major setback, and only minor. I kind of feel like it's major, because I'm back on this site, and watching the usual relationship videos on youtube again. Uggghhh.....why did I do that!?

Satu Established Member

Satu

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Oh no doubt. I'm not in a self depricating mind set. I was doing so well in my healing, and realized I didn't really want her back, but my curiosity got the best of me.

 

I just hope this isn't a major setback, and only minor. I kind of feel like it's major, because I'm back on this site, and watching the usual relationship videos on youtube again. Uggghhh.....why did I do that!?

 

It's a blip. Moving on isn't a linear process. Sometimes you feel you're making progress, sometimes you feel like you're going nowhere.

 

You'll get back on track and move forward again.

 

Believe it.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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It's a blip. Moving on isn't a linear process. Sometimes you feel you're making progress, sometimes you feel like you're going nowhere.

 

You'll get back on track and move forward again.

 

Believe it.

 

Sure will. Nothing can stop me, besides me. I'm not gonna let myself stop me. Going to make myself move forward, and do bigger and better things.

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me85 Established Member

me85

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Frankly, I'm tired of telling my sad story, even just summarizing it. lol But I know what you're feeling. Been there many times. Checking social media isn't breaking the NC rule. Because that's not actual contact with the person. (I've had my curiosities but have overcome unblocking and checking his FB)

 

You'll be alright in a week or so. Something major happened to me 2 nights ago...I was very drunk and was in the middle of writing an email to send my stupid ex but I stopped myself! I've never been able to stop myself when I'm THAT drunk. That I can recall. ha

 

My ex is with someone else. Has been for a while.

 

You'll get back on track with your life and eventually you won't think of your ex at all.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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Frankly, I'm tired of telling my sad story, even just summarizing it. lol But I know what you're feeling. Been there many times. Checking social media isn't breaking the NC rule. Because that's not actual contact with the person. (I've had my curiosities but have overcome unblocking and checking his FB)

 

You'll be alright in a week or so. Something major happened to me 2 nights ago...I was very drunk and was in the middle of writing an email to send my stupid ex but I stopped myself! I've never been able to stop myself when I'm THAT drunk. That I can recall. ha

 

My ex is with someone else. Has been for a while.

 

You'll get back on track with your life and eventually you won't think of your ex at all.

 

Thank God you didn't send it! Oh man, I sent a casual text on impulse one night, and that felt a million x worse than seeing that she's in a new relationship. I don't what it is about that. I think being the dumpee, any shred of dignity you can scrounge up is a win, and by giving the dumper anymore power back is a huge blow to yourself.

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tommy_tgz Member

tommy_tgz

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I feel ya man, I didn't intentionally break NC but when a friend notified me she was uploading pics of her and some new guy she's dating that's when I sank down at my worst and its been an uphill climb from there. Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I don't wanna get back with her or see any future with her, but I wish I was able to move on first. Women will always have the upper hand after the relationship ends because its very easy for them to get another guy simply by being a woman.

 

Yesterday and today have been pretty hard since I keep getting mental replays of my relationship and the little things we used to do/say. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I know I've been through this before and can go through it again. There's 3 billion women in the world, one girl cannot be all and end all. Keep strong buddy we're all in this together.

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Closetotheedge Member

Closetotheedge

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The same here

 

Actually, my ex on the day she broke up with me by phone

she said to me that

"i'm very horny and want to meet another guys"

 

very nice right?

 

so i understand you, the sadness, the anger, the feeling of betrayal

 

but do not think as "she moved on faster or first than me"

 

think that she is another guy problem now

 

she'll no longer hurt you

 

and that the door of the tiny possibility of you two getting back together are now closed

 

so you have closure

 

it's not a game, not a contest

 

it's your life, you don't want to hook up with a random girl only to stroke your ego

 

let go of your ego, of her, of your fear of other people opinions

 

let go and be free

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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that sucks man! ive broken up with a girl and i know she will find someone before me.. its just a waiting game for me.. gonna kill :(

 

Sorry, I completely glossed over your post. Dude, DO NOT find out on your own, and tell all your mutual friends not to tell you. If the chances are high that you'll bump into her, and possible her new man, then that's life, but do not by any means go out of your way to find out.

 

The feeling SUCKS!

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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I feel ya man, I didn't intentionally break NC but when a friend notified me she was uploading pics of her and some new guy she's dating that's when I sank down at my worst and its been an uphill climb from there. Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I don't wanna get back with her or see any future with her, but I wish I was able to move on first. Women will always have the upper hand after the relationship ends because its very easy for them to get another guy simply by being a woman.

 

Yesterday and today have been pretty hard since I keep getting mental replays of my relationship and the little things we used to do/say. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I know I've been through this before and can go through it again. There's 3 billion women in the world, one girl cannot be all and end all. Keep strong buddy we're all in this together.

 

Did you find out recently? Found out yesterday, and hit me pretty hard. Wasn't full blown back to square 1 feeling when I initially found out, but this morning, and all day kind of feels like it. How are you feeling though? Does it feel like you lost all your built up NC strength, or does it feel like it'll go away after a few days?

 

I was doing so good too! *bangs head on table* Now the holiday season is coming up, and I was thankful that my emotions weren't stressing me out, but now it's like I'm dreading the holiday season.

 

And man, that sudden shock when you see it is indescribable. It's like seeing your parents naked or something lol.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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The same here

 

Actually, my ex on the day she broke up with me by phone

she said to me that

"i'm very horny and want to meet another guys"

 

very nice right?

 

so i understand you, the sadness, the anger, the feeling of betrayal

 

but do not think as "she moved on faster or first than me"

 

think that she is another guy problem now

 

she'll no longer hurt you

 

and that the door of the tiny possibility of you two getting back together are now closed

 

so you have closure

 

it's not a game, not a contest

 

it's your life, you don't want to hook up with a random girl only to stroke your ego

 

let go of your ego, of her, of your fear of other people opinions

 

let go and be free

 

The thing that sucks is we were both each others problems. We just weren't compatible, but the love was there. It's hard to imagine the women you loved, loving someone else, and being loved by someone else that's probably more compatible than you.

 

It's like the sadness that dumpers get that the relationship couldn't work out. I feel that same sadness.

6Pack Established Member

6Pack

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The thing that sucks is we were both each others problems. We just weren't compatible, but the love was there. It's hard to imagine the women you loved, loving someone else, and being loved by someone else that's probably more compatible than you.

 

It's like the sadness that dumpers get that the relationship couldn't work out. I feel that same sadness.

 

 

BINGO. This was the exact same thing that happened to me. I was in a toxic relationship with a good person, but we just were not right for each other...but we loved each other anyway. I broke up with her because I knew I needed to move on to someone more compatible. But months later, I decide to check her page and find out she is ENGAGED to someone already. It hurt really bad. When I did talk to her, she said that because they are both Scorpio, they are a better match personality wise. I was like WHAAAT??? It hurts like hell, I feel ya man.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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BINGO. This was the exact same thing that happened to me. I was in a toxic relationship with a good person, but we just were not right for each other...but we loved each other anyway. I broke up with her because I knew I needed to move on to someone more compatible. But months later, I decide to check her page and find out she is ENGAGED to someone already. It hurt really bad. When I did talk to her, she said that because they are both Scorpio, they are a better match personality wise. I was like WHAAAT??? It hurts like hell, I feel ya man.

 

I really do believe in some parts of the horoscope. I'm a Capricorn, and she's a Sagittarius, basically the least compatible zodaic sign for me, and vice versa, but there was deep love. Her co workers a Leo, the most compatible with her, and when I found that out, it was gut wrenching, because I feel like they won't have fights, and drama like we had.

 

It's all good though, just gotta realize certain people weren't meant to be with each other. It's okay, and that's life.

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6Pack Established Member

6Pack

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I really do believe in some parts of the horoscope. I'm a Capricorn, and she's a Sagittarius, basically the least compatible zodaic sign for me, and vice versa, but there was deep love. Her co workers a Leo, the most compatible with her, and when I found that out, it was gut wrenching, because I feel like they won't have fights, and drama like we had.

 

It's all good though, just gotta realize certain people weren't meant to be with each other. It's okay, and that's life.

 

Yes, I believe in some parts of the Horoscope as well. I am Aquarius, and she is Scorpio, and that is supposed to be the most Un-compatible! And her best match is another scorpio, which is what he is. When she told me he is scorpio, I was super pissed because I knew they would be a match. Although, I dated a person after her, that was Aquarius like me, and that ended after only 3 months, so not every person is a match just because they are the same sign. But yes. I was mad that she found someone more compatible.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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Yes, I believe in some parts of the Horoscope as well. I am Aquarius, and she is Scorpio, and that is supposed to be the most Un-compatible! And her best match is another scorpio, which is what he is. When she told me he is scorpio, I was super pissed because I knew they would be a match. Although, I dated a person after her, that was Aquarius like me, and that ended after only 3 months, so not every person is a match just because they are the same sign. But yes. I was mad that she found someone more compatible.

 

That's the worst part, because as the dumpee you want them to get with some complete a hole that's not compatible with them at all, then you realize they're the most compatible with them lol. It sucks.

 

But look at it like this. She wasn't compatible with you either, so do just like her, and find someone that's just as compatible for you, as the new guy she found.

 

I read something today, and it said the post breakup isn't a competition. You can't focus on what they're doing, otherwise you will never reach your full potential in life. Just gotta do you, and do what's best for you, no matter how long it might take. Don't feel like you got left in the dust, and they won. It's life. Everyone's lost before. It's how you pick yourself up, and go about your life is what will define you.

 

Blessing in disguise. We become stronger, and better people.

 

And you're right, the zodiac isn't completely accurate. So many variables.

Edited by tikay00
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Elfend Member

Elfend

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I seriously don't get it. Love is love. As long as you both love each other (and still do) regardless of incompatible you both are, can't we just focus on the good times we had and will have?

 

We all have problems in our relationship once in a while but who is to say that we (or any couple) is not compatible? We had good times. Good times only happen when both sides put effort to make it happen!:o

willpower321 Member

willpower321

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Aw omgosh! hugs for you!

I am in the same boat we have been apart for a month now and I am too wondering if he is with someone else. I know it would make me super sad for all the reasons you have mentioned...Try not to think about it too much. I am not sure how to do that but I have been trying too.

 

But what I just wanted to bring to your attention is that anything that starts a month after a break up - is not going to work out and it is a rebound.

Although it is harder to do... the best thing is for us to heal ourselves on our own without the input of someone new. I just keep telling myself he never cared about me anyways (from all that he put me through) and it seems to be working...

Are you finding tho that for some reason ALL the good memories like to surface post-break up? Can't stand that!

 

I have had a few casual dates - and I literally feel nothing, not even a heart beat for them so that is probably not what I need right now lol!

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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Aw omgosh! hugs for you!

I am in the same boat we have been apart for a month now and I am too wondering if he is with someone else. I know it would make me super sad for all the reasons you have mentioned...Try not to think about it too much. I am not sure how to do that but I have been trying too.

 

But what I just wanted to bring to your attention is that anything that starts a month after a break up - is not going to work out and it is a rebound.

Although it is harder to do... the best thing is for us to heal ourselves on our own without the input of someone new. I just keep telling myself he never cared about me anyways (from all that he put me through) and it seems to be working...

Are you finding tho that for some reason ALL the good memories like to surface post-break up? Can't stand that!

 

I have had a few casual dates - and I literally feel nothing, not even a heart beat for them so that is probably not what I need right now lol!

 

The past 2 days I've gone through the same symptons as the first few weeks of the breakup. Wake up super early for no reason, immediate thoughts of her as soon as I wake up. Constant thoughts of her and her new BF. No motivation to cook or eat, etc.

 

They got into a relationship 2-3 months after the breakup, and he seems like he's more compatible with her. It doesn't seem like a rebound at all. They've been talking for a while since they're co workers, and probably built up a deep bond, since he was probably the guy she went to every time I treated her bad.

 

Just my pride and egos that hurt. Gonna get through this.

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tikay00 Established Member

tikay00

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I seriously don't get it. Love is love. As long as you both love each other (and still do) regardless of incompatible you both are, can't we just focus on the good times we had and will have?

 

We all have problems in our relationship once in a while but who is to say that we (or any couple) is not compatible? We had good times. Good times only happen when both sides put effort to make it happen!:o

 

That's not real life though. Love alone isn't enough to hold onto a relationship.

 

I get what you're saying, and yes, love can make you endure, but when you both realize you're not the right ones for each other, there's no point anymore. When the relationship is toxic, and there's more stress, and drama than happiness, and joy, it's time to cut it off. She did us both a favor in the end, and I thank her for that, because I wouldn't have had the courage to walk away like the first time, because the first time I wasn't attached, towards the end, I got too comfortable, and settled, because I was scared to be alone.

 

It will only drive you further apart the longer you're together, and there will be built up resentment.

 

Judging by the relationship memes my ex likes on FB, seems like she's trying to hate me.

 

Funny thing is last time I spoke to her, she said she tried to hate me to get over me, but she can't, and she could never hate me. I told her the same thing, and I meant it as well.

Edited by tikay00
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