Versha Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 So I'm in my 20s,in long term relationship, very happy..but I had a strange dream recently about my high school professor. He is 30 years older than me and married. Thing is, we are quite close, but not in sexual way, I've never felt threatend or anything like that, I mean he is not pedofile, and he never made move on me or smth like that. But we would sometimes spend hours talking about everything, he would always say that I am easy to talk to and mature and would pat me on shoulder, or knee,or kiss me on the forehead, he would drive me home if felt sick at school.. He still calls me or my boyfriend(he was his professor also) to check how we're doing since we're on university far from home. Once me and my gf danced in hallway, messing around, and he came and asked if I would dance waltz with him, so we danced. I know his wife who is also professor at that school, and I met his children. He is a very responsible father and husband and is happily married.He is smart, sophisticated, and passionate professor(and looks way younger than mid 50s ), he never talked or did that what I mentioned to other students, he cared like that only for me, and it was obvious. Having said that I have to add that I have always felt like it was more of a ''parential feeling'' on his side. He treated me like a father treats daughter, but the problem is he is not my father so why would he treat me like that? What did or does he feel? Has he ever thought of me in sexual way but was/is too moral and racional to show it? Or was it platonic kind of love, something we both felt, a feeling when you care for someone, and want to keep him/her in your life regardless it is unusual and a bit weird? Is it possible just to ''click'' with somenone even if there is a 30 years age difference, and was your professor? The dream that I mentioned was, you guess, erotic. That's why I started to think would I be able to do smth like that in real life. I don't care for other guys since I love my boyfriend more that anything, and for sure, thinking about this doesn't mean I would cheat or that I dont love him enough, I do. He even knows how I feel about my professor and he teases me for that. But what do I feel? I know when I'm talking to professor in person I don't feel sexual tension but I still fantasize about him few times a year. I only know that I don't want to lose him as a person I can rely on..but is there something more to it? Is it ok to think of this as a kind of childish crush, and to wonder what would it look like if we kissed? What do you think? It's hard to talk about this because people tend to judge, so feel free to understand or to judge but at the end I am only a human.
Davey L Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I can perhaps offer a view from the other side. I'm late 40s and occasionally I have worked with young women at work and become quite friendly with them. However my feelings are more paternal than romantic. Maybe because my own daughter has left home long since (she's approaching 30) and I miss the daily father-daughter interaction with her. I also love to help bright and enthusiastic youngsters, male and female, in their careers. I suspect this might be the situation here. I suggest you try to keep the relationship like that and not try to move it into a more romantic basis. 1
Quiet Storm Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 It's normal to be attracted to others when you are in a long term relationship. The important thing is to not act on those feelings. It sounds like you are confident that you will not cheat on your boyfriend, but by giving the dream and the attraction so much thought, it could make the attraction grow. You need to starve that attraction, not feed it. Giving it space in your head, wondering what it means and how he feels about it will just make it grow. You won't ever know how he feels unless you ask him, and that would be disrespectful to your boyfriend. You need to just chalk this up to normal attraction that can be felt by two people in close proximity (or possible "daddy issues" if you had an absent, abusive or distracted father), and let it go. Distance yourself from him and cut out any alone time. When you find yourself thinking about him, get busy doing something and replace those thoughts with other thoughts, activities, look at a pic of your BF, etc. Attraction to others is normal, but when you feel it, you need to take steps to protect & respect your relationship (boundaries). Wondering what it would be like if you two kissed is not cheating, but those thoughts give emotional energy to your "crush", and can make it grow bigger than it ever needed to be. When you hear cheaters say "It just happened"... it didn't "just happen". There was already emotional energy getting put into the possibility of an encounter... thoughts, attention, conversation, etc (just like you're doing right now-laying the groundwork). It was a progression, and the reason "it just happened" is because boundaries were not in place. Focus your thoughts & emotional/romantic investment on your boyfriend. 1
FitChick Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I wonder if the OP grew up with her father in her home. 1
Author Versha Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 well, my parents divorced when I was 14, but my father was not absent, he was always there for me, and my parents didn't fight so I got to see him 5 times a week..it was quite a 'normal' divorce.. Do you really think I looked to my professor as a father figure? It makes me wonder..
mysteryscape Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 I wonder if there's something you get from this relationship with your former teacher that you aren't getting from your boyfriend?
Danda Posted December 10, 2014 Posted December 10, 2014 Also keep in mind that dreams can be weird and crazy as ****. They can also be metaphorical, or just be a scrambled mess. When I was a teenager I had a couple erotic dreams about female peers that made me wonder if I was a lesbian or bisexual. In the dreams I would be cuddling naked with a female friend, not having sex but be aroused. My rational was why would I have dreams like that if I was straight? But then in real life with the same female peers, it was different. I also had a dream once about kissing my brother romantically. How's that for a mind****? Probably the sort of thing most people would never admit to lol. But I think the bottom line is that again, dreams can be ****ing weird and not make such sense. Don't let it stress you out too much.
Author Versha Posted December 11, 2014 Author Posted December 11, 2014 Yes, you are right..cause honestly I don't think about him very often, or at all..I am getting all what I need from my boyfriend..it's just that this dream stressed me out, but now it's been few days since that and I can see that I'm not thinking about it that much. And like you said, when I'm with him in person I don't feel anything, so it's just a weird deam I guess. He will always be special for me as a friend, though.
Recommended Posts