She dumped me, ignores me, and is proud of already dating someone else

[I'm an aspie]

Hey, I'm crying as I am writing, even though she ended it six weeks ago. I don't know what do do about this.

 

Initially we met via a forum connected through fb. We texted a lot, and even though there is great distance between us, I left to meet her only a few days after this. We were doing great (at least the way I see it), and I stayed there for some time (she wanted me to). However, only two weeks into it she wanted me to help her financially... I thought this was fair, as I was kind of living there.

 

I became fond of her very early, and wanted to enter a relationship (she repeatedly said she wasn't ready). She had already left another relationship, so I am afraid I was just her rebound.

 

So, in late October I visited her again. She then said she wasn't interested in a relationship right now, and was not in love with me. I asked her several times if we should end this for good, but she told me she wanted to wait. She sent me home just a few days after my arrival, and since then she has not been texting me much. Lately she hasn't been answering my texts, even though I have been very emotional in these. I have Asperger syndrome and as such I am very sensitive to things like this, in part because it's hard for me to understand why she is doing this. I think she is dating another guy already, though. She kind of brags about it in the forum we initially met each other.

 

There are several things about her making me believe she either has BPD or is narcissistic, however, I love her still. Can you please tell me what I can expect from her? This is over? If so, how can I get over her?

[Danda]

That you wanted to get that serious that fast shows that you have some issues, yourself, OP. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction.

 

I think you need to accept this woman's words as true, that she is not interested and does not love you, and you need to move on.

 

But you also need to do some introspection and try to understand why you had such intense emotions so fast without hardly knowing her yet. You need to figure this out so you can protect yourself better.

[I'm an aspie]

That you wanted to get that serious that fast shows that you have some issues, yourself, OP. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction.

 

I think you need to accept this woman's words as true, that she is not interested and does not love you, and you need to move on.

 

I guess you're right. I have a tendency to making strong bonds with the people i love. But this is so hard for me. I hope I'll get over it soon. But I do think she has been cruel in the way she ended it, and I think I am an easy target for manipulation, because of my personality.

[Frank2thepoint]

I became fond of her very early, and wanted to enter a relationship (she repeatedly said she wasn't ready). She had already left another relationship, so I am afraid I was just her rebound.

 

So, in late October I visited her again. She then said she wasn't interested in a relationship right now, and was not in love with me. I asked her several times if we should end this for good, but she told me she wanted to wait.

 

Her not being ready for a relationship, nor wanting to be in one, is the only thing you need to focus on, because this gives you the answer you are seeking. You have feelings for someone that doesn't want anything with you. So your opinion that she is being cold is pointless, because she was upfront with you from the beginning. You pursuing her, trying to convince her to be in a relationship, when you knew very well she wasn't ready or available for it, was your fault. You should have walked away. Leave this girl alone, move on with your life. Next time, ask the right questions and be assertive with walking away if you don't get the right answers.

[I'm an aspie]

Her not being ready for a relationship, nor wanting to be in one, is the only thing you need to focus on, because this gives you the answer you are seeking. You have feelings for someone that doesn't want anything with you. So your opinion that she is being cold is pointless, because she was upfront with you from the beginning. You pursuing her, trying to convince her to be in a relationship, when you knew very well she wasn't ready or available for it, was your fault. You should have walked away. Leave this girl alone, move on with your life. Next time, ask the right questions and be assertive with walking away if you don't get the right answers.

 

 

Thanks to you and all other ones answering. I think you are right, but you know, love sickness can make you believe things you know isn't really true. I guess it will be hard to let go, but there doesn't seem to be an alternative.

[Gloria25]

A I don't think your condition is why this happened cuz if you read the threads here, there's lotsof people jumping to have sex, throw ILYs around and/or shack up with someone while barely knowing them for a month or two.

 

Please heed what people are telling you here...which is to not play "victim" here. I mean from what you posted, seems you already suspected she had ulterior motives (wanting financial support)....and, that kinda explains why everything was so fast and hot/heavy between you two. I'm very suspicious when someone is throwing a ILY to me and I barely know them, and I don't do shack ups.

 

Maybe joining some hobby/meet ups/volunteering and/or social groups would be best for you to have connections with people and work on your social skills so that having someone to date isn't the only happiness in your life. Some people think that kids with certain conditions should be separate from the rest of the group to get "special" attention, nut while I believe we all at sometime need a little extra work, being in the group with others may help pull us out of our shell...Ever hear some people say to play tennis with a stronger player - which forces you to be a better player.

 

Good luck.

[I'm an aspie]

A I don't think your condition is why this happened cuz if you read the threads here, there's lotsof people jumping to have sex, throw ILYs around and/or shack up with someone while barely knowing them for a month or two.

 

Please heed what people are telling you here...which is to not play "victim" here. I mean from what you posted, seems you already suspected she had ulterior motives (wanting financial support)....and, that kinda explains why everything was so fast and hot/heavy between you two. I'm very suspicious when someone is throwing a ILY to me and I barely know them, and I don't do shack ups.

 

Maybe joining some hobby/meet ups/volunteering and/or social groups would be best for you to have connections with people and work on your social skills so that having someone to date isn't the only happiness in your life. Some people think that kids with certain conditions should be separate from the rest of the group to get "special" attention, nut while I believe we all at sometime need a little extra work, being in the group with others may help pull us out of our shell...Ever hear some people say to play tennis with a stronger player - which forces you to be a better player.

 

Good luck.

 

Yes, I'll probably see the situation much clearer later. Right now I am of course still emotionally attached to her.

 

Thanks again.

[Satu]

She's not someone you should trust in any capacity.

 

No contact is the way forward.

 

It will take some time for you to get through the painful feelings, but when you have you will be able to make better and more realistic choices.

[I'm an aspie]

It will take some time for you to get through the painful feelings, but when you have you will be able to make better and more realistic choices.

 

Thank you for responding so quickly. I think you're right. Much love.

[Satu]

Thank you for responding so quickly. I think you're right. Much love.

 

Love to you too.