One Week In - Not Getting This Girl

[salman1985]

I've recently started dating again. Never used online dating before, so i thought i'd give Tinder a shot. Lo and behold, i came across this woman.

 

We hit it off immediately, exchanged numbers n all. For the 1st one week, we were texting each other all throughout the day. What made this easier was a common interest - poetry. We would write poetry for each other. It would be pretty intimate at times. Also, she would almost always be the first one to start the texting everyday, and we continue till late in the night.

 

Things go on brilliantly, and then i told her i was only in the city for 2 more months, which was not true. I live here. I don't know why i said that. I guess i probably wasn't ready to make a huge commitment since we had hit it off spectacularly well in a very short time.

 

She believed me, and i played on. Once she asked me when i'm going back, and i told her "Around end of Jan most probably. I haven't purchased my return ticket yet".

 

Anyway,i asked her out last Thursday and she said yes instantly. I was pretty elated since this is the first woman i've known who shares a passion for poetry similar to mine. So i went and bought a nice poetry book that i would gift her. It wasn't too expensive or anything. Just a regular nice poetry book.

 

So i'm at the gym on the day of our date and its 4:00 pm. We are supposed to meet at 6:30. I'm all set to go home and start getting ready, when she texts me this "I just cried in Public, Not my idea of a good day. I need to Hibernate. How much will you hate me if i ask to reschedule?"

 

I was bummed out, but i was also glad that she offered to reschedule. So i was all cool about it texting thats its ok etc.

 

I didn't text her the rest of the day since she said he needed some alone time. I didn't want to sound too pushy.

 

I didn't text her the next day either. I was waiting for her to text me so i know she's doing better since again, i didn't want to bother her. She sent me one text in the evening "I've been trying to write a poem to apologize for yesterday. It's not working". I replied, again all cool and calm, saying its OK and asking her how was she was feeling now. She didn't reply the rest of the day.

 

The next day, she sends me a text in the afternoon saying that's she's much better now since her best friend came over and they had a great time. We texted back and forth for a while (She was pretty slow in replying compared to her usual self. Usually she replies in minutes but this time she was taking an hour or so ). She mentioned that she's a little worried since her Schedule till January is getting fuller by the day and she's having a hard time making everyone happy. Towards the night, i asked her a random question about fiction writing. She didn't reply, which kind of bummed me out. But i didn't text again. I thought she'd get back to me the next day.

 

The next day ( Today ), she doesn't text at all. I wrote a nice poem for her, so i dropped her a cute lil text in the evening asking her if she would like to read it. She replied around 5 hours later with a brief "Sure, send away".

 

Not wanting to sound too desperate, i waited 15-20 minutes and then sent her the poem. It's been over 5 hours now, and no reply.

 

So..

 

Why has she become so distant ever since she cancelled on me?

 

Am i getting bummed out for no reason? Or is she just busy since it was the weekend n all?

 

I mean, even if you're busy, one text all day to a guy you supposedly like is weird. No?

 

Would love some advice here. Should i wait for her to get 'normal' with me again? Or should i give up and move on?

 

Also, should i ask her out again if she remains cold on texts?

 

Many apologies for the long rant. But this is driving me nuts!

Edited December 8, 2014 by salman1985

[DivorcedDad123]

My advice is to be honest. Why would a woman/man want to invest in a relationship with someone who's only going to be around for a little over a month? My guess is she see's you as someone who's not going to be around much longer,so why bother making you a priority?

You kinda did this one yourself,but I'd be honest with her and use the "trying to keep my privacy until I'm sure of who I'm talking to" excuse for the lie. Tell her you used that for online dating until you were sure she wasn't an axe murderer/bunny boiler.

Sounds like she's already lost interest though. ANYBODY can text back in a reasonable time frame. No one is THAT busy.

[ExpatInItaly]

You shot yourself in the foot, OP. You told her you're going to be leaving, so of course she doesn't want to invest. She probably liked you but figured it's not worth moving forward since she thinks you're going to leave soon. Not sure why you're mystified by her behaviour; that was a very unwise move on your part.

 

In any case, you said you lied because you're not looking for a huge commitment. So why are you so disappointed that she's apparently feeling the same way?

[Standard-Fare]

The problem with this relationship is that there's nothing real about it so far. All you have is texts and poems with a stranger, and a fundamental lie that put things in the wrong direction from the start.

 

If you're interested in this girl, make sure to take her out soon and also to clear up the lie about your "move." Until then, stop overanalyzing all this meaningless minutia...