Post-Breakup...Now What?

[lakerman34]

This may have been better left in Coping section, but I feel as if putting this thread in that section would have left to obnoxious "stop talking to her" and "NC" responses (OK--not obnoxious, but irrelevant).

 

So I dated a girl for a VERY short time (about 2.5 months). We broke up amicably about 3 months ago, and then post breakup got REALLY ugly. We NCed to the point that we made sure we didn't even SEE each other. We are neighbors and live amongst mutual friends.

 

Anyways, fairly recently, we started talking again. We aren't friends, but we are acting more civilly.

 

Last weekend, she invited me over to her house. We spoke about the relationship, she went from very guarded to giddy and it was very joky. She told me all that has happened with her since breakup, but I was careful not to tell her a whole lot.

 

Anyways, long story short, she REALLY breaks my balls. A lot. And I know she doesn't necessarily MEAN everything she says, but it doesn't come across as "I'm just messing with you," but rather as "I like putting you down because it makes me feel better about no longer dating you."

 

She CONSTANTLY scrutinizes my personality and how I act. She tells other people and discusses my actions with other people. We aren't friends, we are just acquaintances who share friends and live next to each other, but I always feel as if whenever we are together, it's constant bickering. It's not even fighting, just bickering. I said (while drunk) last night that I was "sick in the head" (made sense with the context), and she responded, "we all already know that." She also called me a pervert (which, in all fairness, she and I had the kinkiest sex), which my response was "oh yeah? Well, you're an *******." (Again, more joky than serious, but it IS kind of how I really feel).

 

I'm not sure what the underlying message with all of this is. Part of me thinks that she still really likes me but refuses to admit it to herself, part of me thinks she wants to bone me or this will all end up into a passionate night of possible mistakes between us, and part of me thinks we should just stay away from each other because it'll always be a constant battle that goes nowhere.

 

What are your thoughts? For reference, we had INSTANT chemistry, the relationship was incredibly intense, BUTTTT the fact that we lived right next door to each other became too much. I barely ever see her now (unless I want to go pay her visit). She pretends sometimes that she doesn't want me there, but (like I told mutual friends) I think she REALLY likes me being there and enjoys my company (many times I see her almost hiding a smile after I say something funny), but won't ever admit it. She's incredibly stubborn (something I used to call her out on all the time).

[Simon Phoenix]

You're pissing into the wind, that's what it means.

[lakerman34]

You're pissing into the wind, that's what it means.

 

Perhaps.

 

It's just, I feel as if I come from a place of peace. I come from a place of "it's done, what happened happened, lets deal with it like adults and realize that we don't have feelings for each other BUT we did date so friends is off the table, BUT we can be in each others presence."

 

She almost HAS to bicker with me. And honestly, my bickering with her is almost weirdly amusing for me, but she scrutinizes me like crazy. Today I told her "I'm going to start calling you The Scrutinizer." Her roommate said, "hey, look at that, you're a superhero now!!" My response was, "absolutely not, definitely super-villain. Evil to the bone."

[Satu]

It sounds like you enjoy playing with each others heads.

[Simon Phoenix]

Perhaps.

 

It's just, I feel as if I come from a place of peace. I come from a place of "it's done, what happened happened, lets deal with it like adults and realize that we don't have feelings for each other BUT we did date so friends is off the table, BUT we can be in each others presence."

 

She almost HAS to bicker with me. And honestly, my bickering with her is almost weirdly amusing for me, but she scrutinizes me like crazy. Today I told her "I'm going to start calling you The Scrutinizer." Her roommate said, "hey, look at that, you're a superhero now!!" My response was, "absolutely not, definitely super-villain. Evil to the bone."

 

I mean, that sounds like a crappy situation dude. I would get annoyed with that pretty fast. But to each their own. Why wouldn't you just hang out with people who enjoy your presence and aren't constantly nitpicking you? You don't get points for degree of difficulty.

[lakerman34]

I think she doesn't understand the differences between "joking around" and "I'm being serious -- I'm actually mad at you." Sometimes, I think she forgets that I, too, have feelings and somethings she just shouldn't say (even though she never says anything TOO hurtful, it just gets rather annoying after a while).

 

If I wanted to, I could scrutinize her too, because lord knows that girl is especially flawed. But I don't do that. Partially because I'm a decent person, but mostly because what do I have to gain from it?

[Simon Phoenix]

I think she doesn't understand the differences between "joking around" and "I'm being serious -- I'm actually mad at you." Sometimes, I think she forgets that I, too, have feelings and somethings she just shouldn't say (even though she never says anything TOO hurtful, it just gets rather annoying after a while).

 

If I wanted to, I could scrutinize her too, because lord knows that girl is especially flawed. But I don't do that. Partially because I'm a decent person, but mostly because what do I have to gain from it?

 

Honestly, I don't think she cares and I think you are banging your head against a brick wall. There's no reason to hang out with your ex right now, there just isn't.

[lakerman34]

So, I've decided to listen to you.

 

I'm not winning any points from being in a pointless relationship, so I'm going to decidedly NC. Not because I need it, but because she's being a d!ck.