Dave77 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Hey everyone. I never though I would come on a forum like that. I'm 21, my ex was my first relationship : it was incredible. 2 years and a half, we were talking about living together soon, marriage someday, kids... Not a single fight, I loved her to death, and I really thought it was the perfect relationship. After 2 years together, we decided to spend a year abroad (different countries), so we began a LDR. Both of us were "unstable" people, with some depression episodes, social anxiety and we though it would be an occasion to become stronger... When we were together all these issues disappeared, so we though that spending our lives together would be the best soluation. Huge mistake Everything collapsed in a few weeks. Both of us started to be depressed when we went abroad. I started to see a psychologist, and started to get better, she did the opposite. Day after day, she was more and more depressed, started to drink too much, to hate herself. I tried to help her, to say that she shouldn't feel that way, that she was a nice person. The more I tried to make her feel better, the more she started to get away from me. She didn't want to listen, she hated herself so much that she didn't wanted to hear something else. And after 1 month and a half abroad everything ended. The told me that she kissed a guy, that she loved him and that she didn't know if she loved me. I tried to talk to her for a few days, I refused to dumped her and finally she dumped me. She looked destroyed - just like me -, guilty, more like a depressed girl that someone who knows what he's doing. 2 years and a half, destroyed. For a guy she met 2 weeks before that. I understood a lot thanks to this breakup : I was HUGELY dependent of her. In the last months, I couldn't be alone, without her, without feeling depressed. I tried to hide all my issues behind this relationship, and I'm glad that now I have to face them. A relationship is between 2 independent people, not 2 depressed people trying to get better. I'm at day 37 of NC, feeling much better, I feel really good about being independent, and able to live on my own without her, nor anybody. But I miss her badly... I think about her almost all the time. I wonder if she regrets, if we can get back together and build a healthy relationship, where both of us are independant... Maybe she's with the new guy, maybe she's regretting, I don't know... I won't contact her, because it would only hurt me, but I can't stop hoping that she's gonna contact me someday. What do you guys think ?
amaysngrace Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Stop keeping track of how many days it's been already. That's more damaging than helpful. It's over. Accept it. Only then can you truly move on with your life.
Recommended Posts