Beautiful Kisses Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Earlier today my guy friend and I were talking over text and since I know we're having sex with each other & we both know he's my only sexual partner, I felt it was only right for me to ask him if I was his only sexual partner. So I asked him do he think its fair for me to know if I'm the only one he's having sex with, he never responded. I gave him some time to reply because I know he probably wasn't expecting me to ask him that, but now its been 5 hours later and he still haven't answered me. I text him again asking him did he not want to answer the question & still no answer. Why won't he answer my question? Should I just leave it alone & not ask him about it again. Idk what to think now that he won't answer me because if he had asked me that question over text or not I would've gladly & openly answered him.
losangelena Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Eesh. I'm not sure I would have broached that subject over text message. That's definitely an in-person convo, where you can see his face when he reacts. Other than that, you're going to have to wait to see if he ever responds, which he may not. 3
Ebelskiver Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Either he's busy and hasn't gotten to his phone, which seems most likely, or he's seeing someone else and is hoping not to lie to you directly by avoiding the question. Get him on the phone, or even better, in person, and ask him then. You have every right to know if he is sleeping with someone else. It helps you perform a risk/benefit analysis. If he's screwing others it increases your chances of both drama and disease, and you need to know to make the best decision for yourself. 3
Danda Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that you are not his only sex partner, and when you asked him that, it set off a chain reaction in his mind that went something like this: I want to keep having sex with this woman. Why is she asking me this? If I tell her I have sex with other women, will that make her stop having sex with me? If I lie I am a total douche, this is my friend, not some random chick I found on the internet. ****. But why would she not have sex with me just because I have other partners? Then it hit him like a brick to the face: Because then she doesn't know for sure if I am clean and I could give her STDs. DO I HAVE STDS?! What if I got herpes from that chick from two weeks ago, and I don't it, and I gave it to my friend, and then she gets herpes and she kills me. No, no way. I'm just freaking out. But what if I tell her I have multiple partners and then asks me when's the last time I was tested? What if her fear of STDs means she stops having sex with me? I should probably just lie. NO I CAN'T. She's my friend. ****. And meanwhile you were looking at you phone going, "Why won't he answer me?" with elevator music playing in the background. Of course, I could be waaaay off. But that's where my money would be. 6
Ann253 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Are you trying to ask how many people he has been with, or if you two are exclusive? If you're trying to ask his number, then he probably doesn't want to tell you, and it is not really something you need to know. If you're trying to ask if you are exclusive, his lack of response may be your answer. Either way, this is a conversation that is probably best had in person. 2
MidwestUSA Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Some things just shouldn't be asked via text. If you'd asked him in person, you'd have gotten an answer. And if he lied, you'd have his reaction to give him away. Isn't this something you should have determined before ever having sex with him? If you can get naked with him, you can surely open your mouth and ask a simple question. 4
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that you are not his only sex partner, and when you asked him that, it set off a chain reaction in his mind that went something like this: I want to keep having sex with this woman. Why is she asking me this? If I tell her I have sex with other women, will that make her stop having sex with me? If I lie I am a total douche, this is my friend, not some random chick I found on the internet. ****. But why would she not have sex with me just because I have other partners? Then it hit him like a brick to the face: Because then she doesn't know for sure if I am clean and I could give her STDs. DO I HAVE STDS?! What if I got herpes from that chick from two weeks ago, and I don't it, and I gave it to my friend, and then she gets herpes and she kills me. No, no way. I'm just freaking out. But what if I tell her I have multiple partners and then asks me when's the last time I was tested? What if her fear of STDs means she stops having sex with me? I should probably just lie. NO I CAN'T. She's my friend. ****. And meanwhile you were looking at you phone going, "Why won't he answer me?" with elevator music playing in the background. Of course, I could be waaaay off. But that's where my money would be. Wow! I think you hit the nail on the head because I was thinking like if he's just having sex with me, then why won't he just say that. I am big on my health & very fearful of std's I have to protect myself, I'm going to ask to meet up with him tmrw morning & if he declines what does that mean?
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Are you trying to ask how many people he has been with, or if you two are exclusive? If you're trying to ask his number, then he probably doesn't want to tell you, and it is not really something you need to know. If you're trying to ask if you are exclusive, his lack of response may be your answer. Either way, this is a conversation that is probably best had in person. I want to know if we're exclusive because I refuse to continue to have sex with him if we're not.
Danda Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Wow! I think you hit the nail on the head because I was thinking like if he's just having sex with me, then why won't he just say that. I am big on my health & very fearful of std's I have to protect myself, I'm going to ask to meet up with him tmrw morning & if he declines what does that mean? In the future, always ask this question upfront. You made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes, and you can't go back and change the past now. But just take it as a lesson learned. If he declines, it would be in your best interest to not obsess over why, but to instead officially move on. A person who can't handle that kind of conversation, texting or not, is not someone you want to be sleeping with. You should also get yourself tested for STDs.
beach Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I want to know if we're exclusive because I refuse to continue to have sex with him if we're not. You have your answer. If he was only having sex with you he would have answered right away. I think you know now, since your health is your priority, that you shouldn't have sex with him going forward. Next time do proper order - the talk first before the sex. 2
FitChick Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Why haven't you been using condoms if you are worried about STDs?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Why haven't you been using condoms if you are worried about STDs? This? I don't understand.
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Why haven't you been using condoms if you are worried about STDs? We do for the most part, but there are times we did not.
Toodaloo Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Either he's busy and hasn't gotten to his phone, which seems most likely, or he's seeing someone else and is hoping not to lie to you directly by avoiding the question. Get him on the phone, or even better, in person, and ask him then. You have every right to know if he is sleeping with someone else. It helps you perform a risk/benefit analysis. If he's screwing others it increases your chances of both drama and disease, and you need to know to make the best decision for yourself. If he doesn't answer call it off and get yourself checked is the only thing I would add to this... What is it about text why don't people talk any more?
Danda Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Why haven't you been using condoms if you are worried about STDs? Condoms are not a guarantee against STDs and STIs. They help reduce the risk but they are not 100% protection. I watched this documentary on the Bunny Ranch, the legal prostitutes out in Nevada. Even though condoms are always used, the women will still inspect the guy's crotch for skin lesions, bumps, rashes, whatever of any kind before the sex begins, because stuff can be transmitted that way.
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 now its been 5 hours later and he still haven't answered me. Maybe he ran out of credit?
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Maybe he ran out of credit? Update: He texted me back this morning apologizing for not getting back to me yesterday and he did admit that he's sleeping with one other woman out of state & he said it doesn't happen often.
Redhead14 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Earlier today my guy friend and I were talking over text and since I know we're having sex with each other & we both know he's my only sexual partner, I felt it was only right for me to ask him if I was his only sexual partner. So I asked him do he think its fair for me to know if I'm the only one he's having sex with, he never responded. I gave him some time to reply because I know he probably wasn't expecting me to ask him that, but now its been 5 hours later and he still haven't answered me. I text him again asking him did he not want to answer the question & still no answer. Why won't he answer my question? Should I just leave it alone & not ask him about it again. Idk what to think now that he won't answer me because if he had asked me that question over text or not I would've gladly & openly answered him. Drop this for now until you see him person. This is not the kind of conversation to be having through text. Even if he texted and said no, you would still be wondering if he was lying. You will get a better sense of whether he's telling the truth either way in person. In addition, you should not ask him that kind of question without telling him what you're doing, hoping for or expecting.
ThorntonMelon Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 His delay was to determine his lie. He's confessing to the minimum crime so you might keep sleeping with him. I would bet everything in my pocket there's a lot more than just an occasional out of state romp. 4
venusishername Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) We do for the most part, but there are times we did not. Oh ****. I realize this happens, but are you kidding? Wake up and smell the roses. At least he was honest. Good for him. So I guess you're not going to continue seeing him because you said you don't want to have sex with someone unless it's exclusive? I have a feeling you might be entertaining the idea, though. Communicate this to him next time, if it is how you feel: I do not want to continue sleeping with you if you are sleeping with anyone else. If you aren't, I want us both to get tested. In the meantime, you MUST wear a condom. Edited December 8, 2014 by venusishername
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Oh ****. I realize this happens, but are you kidding? Wake up and smell the roses. At least he was honest. Good for him. So I guess you're not going to continue seeing him because you said you don't want to have sex with someone unless it's exclusive? I have a feeling you might be entertaining the idea, though. Communicate this to him next time, if it is how you feel: I do not want to continue sleeping with you if you are sleeping with anyone else. If you aren't, I want us both to get tested. In the meantime, you MUST wear a condom. I already handled this, we met up, I told him I appreciated his honesty, however we could not continue to have unprotected sex if any at all. He said he respected that & reassured me that its only one other girl that he does not sleep with often. All I can do is take his word for it and make my own decisions for myself. 1
Author Beautiful Kisses Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 His delay was to determine his lie. He's confessing to the minimum crime so you might keep sleeping with him. I would bet everything in my pocket there's a lot more than just an occasional out of state romp. I already decided how to handle this going forward because one other woman is enough for me. Thanks for your input.
stillafool Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I want to know if we're exclusive because I refuse to continue to have sex with him if we're not. If you feel this way wouldn't it have been best to wait until you two were in a real relationship before having sex in the first place?
sm2281 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I am not sure why he hasn't answered, but maybe it's because he is having sex with someone else. You should ask what his intentions are and if he wants to date/relationship or just fun.
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