tim505 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Hi everyone, I was talking to this girl and she finally told me today that she only likes me as a friend. Do I still have any chance? We were talking so much in the beginning and she seemed really interested. I think I just texted her to much and lost the attraction. Really sucks but I learned my lesson. Just wanted some opinions. Thanks, Tim
Danda Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Sucks but you got rejected. Best to move on. Also the concept of the "friendzone" is really flippin weird to me. Someone either has romantic and/or sexual interest in you, or they don't. Someone either considers you a friend, or they don't. But these two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other. If anything maybe the "friendzone" just needs to be redefined. Rather than meaning, "The guy/gal only sees me as a friend," which applies to the vast majority of friendships everywhere completely irrelevant to gender and sexual orientation, it should be defined as, "I am a person who desperately wants to hook up with one of my friends, and it's driving me insane." The latter is something that many people experience and can be empathized with. But don't make the mistake of thinking the "friendzone" is some kind of obstacle course to be overcome. It's more like a situation that just feels crappy, but you still need to handle the fact that you were rejected romantically/sexually and move on. 1
deathandtaxes Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Did you ever go on dates with her? I don't think there's a thing as texting too much if people are really into each other. Don't beat yourself up over this, OP. No, you do not have a chance. She is being entirely honest with you, and that behavior should be lauded. 3
doeblin Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Move on, mate. There is such a a thing as too much texting; a bit of mystery is attractive. With the next girl try to set a date as soon as you can. Even if she rejects you, you will have your answer sooner, so you don't keep chatting her up for weeks. Be cool.
somedude81 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Sucks but you got rejected. Best to move on. Also the concept of the "friendzone" is really flippin weird to me. Someone either has romantic and/or sexual interest in you, or they don't. Someone either considers you a friend, or they don't. But these two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other. If anything maybe the "friendzone" just needs to be redefined. Rather than meaning, "The guy/gal only sees me as a friend," which applies to the vast majority of friendships everywhere completely irrelevant to gender and sexual orientation, it should be defined as, "I am a person who desperately wants to hook up with one of my friends, and it's driving me insane." The latter is something that many people experience and can be empathized with. But don't make the mistake of thinking the "friendzone" is some kind of obstacle course to be overcome. It's more like a situation that just feels crappy, but you still need to handle the fact that you were rejected romantically/sexually and move on. Many people see the friendzone as an insult. "You're not good enough for me to want to date your or have sex with you, but you can be my friend instead." Many guys also make the mistake of seeing the friendzone as a second chance. If a girl wants to still know and spend time with the guy, it must mean that she must like him on some level right? Sadly this is a trap that I myself often fall into.
Danda Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Many people see the friendzone as an insult. "You're not good enough for me to want to date your or have sex with you, but you can be my friend instead." Many guys also make the mistake of seeing the friendzone as a second chance. If a girl wants to still know and spend time with the guy, it must mean that she must like him on some level right? Sadly this is a trap that I myself often fall into. Yeah that has been my observation, as well. To the point and over time, that I no longer offer friendship to a guy if I've turned him down for romance or sex, because even if I mean it in all the right ways (caring about him, enjoying his company and our bond platonic-wise, still wanting to be there for him, etc), chances are he is going to take it even harder than if I just said no and never spoke to him again. I still don't understand it to this day, but it's something that I just try to respect about the male mentality even if it doesn't make sense to me.
somedude81 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Yeah that has been my observation, as well. To the point and over time, that I no longer offer friendship to a guy if I've turned him down for romance or sex, because even if I mean it in all the right ways (caring about him, enjoying his company and our bond platonic-wise, still wanting to be there for him, etc), chances are he is going to take it even harder than if I just said no and never spoke to him again. I still don't understand it to this day, but it's something that I just try to respect about the male mentality even if it doesn't make sense to me. I believe that the best to handle rejecting a guy is to completely cut him out of your life if you can. Absolutely do not become friends. If a guy likes a girl enough to ask her out, odds are he's not going to be able to turn off his feelings if he gets offered friendship. It's also really confusing from the guys point of view if the girl keeps spending time with him and goes on non-dates. 1
Author tim505 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 she definitely was interested in the beginning. why else would she keep texting me even taking the time to reach out to me. i really feel i was probably just being a bit to pushy i guess. we did hang out once but i only went to the bar with her and a bunch of her friends. we never had a 1 on 1 date. she said from the beginning that she only intended us hanging out as friends but i dont know if i entirely believe that. based on how she was texting. anyways time to move on.
Shining One Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 You need to think of the Friend Zone as a room with two doors. One is labeled "Exit" and you can just walk right out. The other door is labeled "Her Pants" and is securely locked with armed guards standing next to it. It is your choice on what to do next:Walk out the exit door and move on with your life.Keep trying and failing to get into the locked door.Languish in the room.It took me a long time to start using option 1 as my default answer, and I'm much happier for it. 1
doeblin Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 she definitely was interested in the beginning. why else would she keep texting me even taking the time to reach out to me. i really feel i was probably just being a bit to pushy i guess. [...] Why do you think you were pushy if you didn't even ask her out? So next time with another girl as soon as you have a steady banter, ask her out. ASAP. The best signal of interest is when she doesn't flake. And vice versa. It's possible she was texting you because she was bored. Anyway... Be cool.
Author tim505 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 i did ask her out on another date. i asked her the first week and she said she was really busy. i asked her the week after and she said. "im sorry but i really only like you as a friend. i get the feeling you want more and I dont want to lead you on" i dont understand how i could have possibly did anything wrong.
somedude81 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 i did ask her out on another date. i asked her the first week and she said she was really busy. i asked her the week after and she said. "im sorry but i really only like you as a friend. i get the feeling you want more and I dont want to lead you on" i dont understand how i could have possibly did anything wrong. Yeah that's very clear. What did you do wrong? You weren't (insert adjective) enough.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 i did ask her out on another date. i asked her the first week and she said she was really busy. i asked her the week after and she said. "im sorry but i really only like you as a friend. i get the feeling you want more and I dont want to lead you on" i dont understand how i could have possibly did anything wrong. If she was honest with you in the beginning, then why are you questioning her behavior toward you? You should have drop it and moved on without dissecting what her words and actions mean.
Author tim505 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 i honestly have no idea but im honestly over it. i started talking to another girl anyways. 2
deathandtaxes Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 You need to think of the Friend Zone as a room with two doors. One is labeled "Exit" and you can just walk right out. The other door is labeled "Her Pants" and is securely locked with armed guards standing next to it. It is your choice on what to do next:Walk out the exit door and move on with your life.Keep trying and failing to get into the locked door.Languish in the room.It took me a long time to start using option 1 as my default answer, and I'm much happier for it. Gold star post!! #1 option is best, I agree. If you want something more, why would you EVER settle for just being a friend? You will never be happy.
venusishername Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 No. I'm sorry, Tim. She was as clear as day that you have no chance romantically.
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