LoudNoises Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 So I am 25 years old and I've never dated anyone until this year. I was never the guy to go out and meet girls. I worked with this girl and went to college and had one class together. I've known her for a little over a year and about 6-7 months ago we started this BFF thing and it had some little flirting going on. We both ended up falling for each other. I loved everything about her. Her smile her everything. We dated for 2 1/2 months and she broke up with me. Those 2 1/2 months were the best time of my life. I know it was ONLY 2 1/2 months but we both were in loved. We spent every second together and we quickly fell in love with each other. Being my first relationship, I was selfish at times and would have angry outbursts on her. I really regret that I did that. That eventually ended the relationship. After the breakup, I didn't follow the no contact rule. I ed everything up with her. She got really mad at me one night. I got a little tipsy and yelled at her. She called me "the one that got away" according to her twitter. So we went about 1 1/2 - 2 months without talking. I still saw her at work almost everyday. We didn't talk to one another but we had awkward eye contact once in awhile. About 1 1/2 month ago she started talking to me again at work. It felt so good having some kind of contact with her. I was so happy. Days went by and we would talk more and more at work. Then it went to both of us taking all our breaks together. We never did see each other outside of work but by taking breaks together we had more of "us" time. She started to be flirtatious and would be really touchy. She stated she wanted to be BFF again with me but nothing else before she became flirtatious. We continued to take our breaks together whenever we would work and more flirting and touching would happen. I would always go out from my work center and go to where she was working on the other side of the store. I was so happy and it felt like we were slowly getting back together. We went out for breakfast on Black Friday before work and I paid for everything. She would mention another time that I understand we are just friends. Then all of this came crashing down a couple days ago and she told me she was in a relationship but wanted to continue to be BFF with me and get coffee sometimes. She never mentioned to me she was talking to any guy and relationships don't happen straight out of the blue. I figured she was talking to this guy for sometime now but she would always text him with her phone tilted towards her or in a way I couldn't see when we were on break. She said she doesn't want to end this BFF/friendship with me because she's in a relationship now. I know she still has this connection with me and that she misses me. Her roommate and one of my best friends told me she felt like her relationship was rushed or happened to quick with this guy. All of this is killing me slowly in the inside and I know I can't be BFF with her. What should I do? Help me. Ps we still are working together and I see her almost everyday.
Light Breeze Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 This BFF thing isn't gonna work when you're still in love with her, It's just going to hurt you. IMHO, you should go NC as much as possible and tell her you need to heal and can't do it. Tell her you must do it for your emotional well being and she should respect it. It looks like she's just keeping you for backup. The wants to have her cake and eat it too thing. Don't giver her that. This is your first love, and I know how it feels to lose it. But, take this as an oppurtunity to learn and grow, as hard as it sounds. You do this and you will be wiser and better in your next relationship. 2
Author LoudNoises Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 She knows I still have feelings for her and she did all of this. Is there any point of meeting her and talking about this? Should I just ignore her from now on?
Light Breeze Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 If she knew all about it, then no, I would say go the NC route at once. As you work together and complete NC is impossible, just give a wave or a nod if she greets you or be civil but avoid her as much as possible. You can now start healing and working on yourself. I am confident that you and all us here who are experiencing the same thing will find that light at the end of tunnel. Stay strong brother. 1
Author LoudNoises Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Thanks brother! I told her awhile ago when we broke up and when i broke the NC rule that there will always be a part of me that loves her. I guess she forgot but I'm going to hate what I have to do but it's for the best. I can't let her keep me on the hook. 1
EgoJoe Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 It's cool to be the player but it sucks to be the played. She's not attracted to you because you're always available. Be unavailable. Stop buying her stuff period.
Author LoudNoises Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 I was going to meet up with her and discuss things and tell her I can't be friends with her. She agreed at first but then refused to. I can't tell her over text that I don't want to be friends. I hate saying stuff over text and this is coming from the guy who got dumped over text. What should I do?
PaperCrane Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Nothing. Do nothing. Ghost out of her life. Your heart hasn't caught up with reality. I'm speaking purely hypocritically though as I accepted hanging out with my ex recently after 3 weeks of NC. I also did all the wrong things after losing my first love. If I can stop one person from going through the hell I did, it will be worth it. Point being is that you need you. Love yourself, find hobbies and just have fun. Above all else, do not talk to her under any circumstance. Ignore texts and calls. The only thing you respond to is a literal emergency or a "I want to give us another chance" and it needs to be out of the blue as 100% her decision. Do not wait for her though. Best of luck! 1
Author LoudNoises Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Thanks. She was one of my best friends for a year and it's gonna suck and feel horrible losing her but it's for my own good. I've done NC with her before and I made it through 2 months-ish and was really happy. It just sucks going through it again.
PaperCrane Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Thanks. She was one of my best friends for a year and it's gonna suck and feel horrible losing her but it's for my own good. I've done NC with her before and I made it through 2 months-ish and was really happy. It just sucks going through it again. It's a special kind of pain. For me it was like an ever turning knife in my gut. Just being around and seeing her was the most exquisitely torturous agony. It felt good just to see her and then it just twisted around and around. The only way to heal is to pull it out. The longer the wait the deeper the scar. You know this though, since you've done it before. Keep your head up and know that it will pass.
Author LoudNoises Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Learned my lesson not to date a co-worker. She always look at me when we are at work. I hate making eye contact with her because it brings back memories of when we were together. It was worth the pain though cause everything about her was perfect. I looked passed her flaws and i just loved everything about her. I guessed you are suppose to let them go caused if they leave and come back then it was meant to be.
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