BikerAccnt Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 2) men access their emotions and feelings through sex. Sorry ladies - I know you don't believe it but it is completely true. 3) men who have regular sex with their wives love them more. Sorry but it is true. I bet your guy is so excited by his relationship with you that he is GOING OUT OF HIS WAY to take meds and ensure that he can connect with you. Unfortunately, he can't fully perform so has to do it twice - you guys should work something out there, but realize he will be frustrated if he can't complete this with you. .. I had to quote this part because I think it is so very true for so many of us guys. Now, for me, the amount of sex you are having, would be too much also. I'm happy with a few times a week, but that's me. I do think he should take your feelings into consideration on the matter. I also know, that when my ex-wife felt sex was no longer important for her...somehow she thought, it should no longer be important to me. I fell out of love with her...so make sure you make it clear, you still want to have sex with him. And as said above, if he is using the pill, you can bet he's doing it because he wants YOU to be happy. He wants to connect with you, to show you how he feels. We men really do feel more love, more closeness, when we make love to the woman we care about. The emotion I feel when I am making love to a woman I care about...I can't describe. I never feel that close otherwise. Oh and Trust me, those pills are feakin expensive! If he's using it every time, he's spending a small fortune to make sure he can have sex with you.
slizl Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I would try to work on the quality of sex. Is there something that he can do for you to enjoy it more? What are your needs and wants from sex? I get that people have different sex drives, but if you are having amazing sex, I doubt you would have posted about it. I would also work on the timing of him taking those pills. If he can get hard and orgasm in the morning, maybe have him take the pill earlier in the day so he can orgasm at night.
central Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 You have mismatched libidos. Whatever pills he's taking for ED (if he is) only affect his ability to have sex, not his desire. So, 4x a week is too much for you? Even once a day 4x a week is too much? Break up with this poor guy before you thoroughly disappoint him. He enjoys sex, and you do not. Let him find someone who does as much as he does. At the very least, clearly and honestly explain to him that you have a limit, and what that is. He'll either adapt to it, or thankfully break up with you. Misleading him is dishonest and deceitful.
BikerAccnt Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 You have mismatched libidos. Whatever pills he's taking for ED (if he is) only affect his ability to have sex, not his desire. This is actually a very good point, it's his desire level, not the pills that effect how often he wants you. If you can't line up your libido's at some point, things will be difficult. Regardless of if you or he is dissatisfied, you need to find a middle ground if possible. FWIW, I'm 54, and though I find my GF very attractive, I can't imagine having sex with her once a day, let alone two! Where do you guys find the time?!?! With out schedules we only manage once a week sometimes.. 1
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 It's obvious sex is all they do when they get together.....5 times a week twice a day. Who has time to go out and have a nice dinner and maybe some dancing.
somedude81 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 1) men having sex = women talking. If you are comfortable with your spouse talking to you once or twice a week, then calibrate your sex life accordingly. 2) men access their emotions and feelings through sex. Sorry ladies - I know you don't believe it but it is completely true. 3) men who have regular sex with their wives love them more. Sorry but it is true. Great stuff. Yeah a mans desire to have sex with a woman can be the same type of thing as a woman wanting to talk to the man she cares about. Except that women want to talk for much longer than guys want to have sex.
Mcnulty Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 Sounds like he's on a personal crusade to prove his manliness, through the sex and the Cialis, disregarding what you want. You're right maybe, in that it's psychologically deep rooted. maybe because his wife cheated on him, he thinks he has to be in hunter/gatherer mode whenever he sees you. Be careful, sounds like landmines waiting to go off.
yetanotherguy Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 In my earlier post I refer to having sex 6-7 times a week. To be clear - we know each other very well, know what we like and what works, involve vibrators etc. - so although this seems like a lot, in many cases we are talking about 10-15 minutes total (if I can slow her down - she loves to get to the finish line! ). Variety matters, and you don't have to get elaborate, etc. Often times - maybe most of the time - there is no intercourse at all. The point is we make time to have some fun and then snuggle and talk and fall asleep - like teenagers again. I wouldn't trade it for anything. If you can talk about simple variety and some tools and involvement short of intercourse, perhaps you can still both meet each others needs without it being a burden. It should be fun . It does sound excessive - I get that - but most people don't have that problem with their 52-year-old mates. It may not be as frequent as time passes either - could be he is trying to say he is not an old man and he is afraid because his libido is declining and he doesn't want to show that. One final thing - most men (and I assume women) masturbate when there is an out-of-synch sex drive. Many women don't like that idea but its true. Many women think they are being compared with the girls in porn, but that's not what it is about for men but I won't go further with that on this post. I'm pretty sure this guy doesn't have any time left to masturbate! So if the sex you engage in is equal to or slightly better than masturbation (not a very high bar there by the way) and you can limit the more "involved sessions" to a frequency you are comfortable with, you might not be far off in terms of the outcome. I encourage you to talk about this with him. He will be uncomfortable, but if you let him know you love having sex with him and want to understand his needs a bit better and want to balance the sessions, that might be an answer. Good luck in any event! :bunny::bunny: Have fun - you could have worse problems!
Author beautifulinside2 Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 You say you're exhausted. Do you want less sex? or more sleep? Have you considered going to bed earlier? I get enough sleep because he makes sure we go to bed early. I want less sex, because "I'm tired and my back hurts"
sillyanswer Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I get enough sleep because he makes sure we go to bed early. I want less sex, because "I'm tired and my back hurts" Thanks for clarifying. You have to tell him this. Also, if you want to have less sex then you can make that happen immediately: say "no". It would be better if you follow that up with an open conversation, though.
Author beautifulinside2 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 Yetanotherguy, Hit it right on the money, thanks for your input. During our previous conversations about frequency he basically stated all of your points 1-3. He said he is excited that we share so much in common that he uses sex to feel closer to me. We do almost everything together from watching football to going to sporting events, dancing, dinners, parties, bowling, etc. In fact, we are going on Vacation during the holidays. He also revealed that he and his ex wife shared nothing in common and stayed married because they were catholic and for the kids. He developed a passive aggressive personality because she was always cursing and angry so he had to learn how to get his point across without being confrontational. I have to say that my bf is smoking hot to me. My job is stressful so some days I could just sleep right after dinner and work. Sex is his communication of how he feels about me, but sometimes I would rather hear it from his mouth rather than his penis. I think he loves me, but will not say it.Maybe I can find some balance there. I want to put a time limit on amount but I don't want to remove all the spontaneity of it. He would not break up with me if I didn't do it everyday, he already told me this but I want to make sure he us happy because he makes me happy. I enjoy sex with him most of the time, so I will enjoy it when I can and perform even when I don't feel like it because he cooks for me and caters to me even when he doesn't feel like it. McNulty had a point with the hunter/gatherer mode due to his wife's infidelity. It's almost like he needs to make sure I'm fully satisfied even after I tell him I am so there will be nothing left for the next guy. He is trying not to make the same mistakes, but I tell him we are different people his ex wife and I.
phineas Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) he's treating you nice b/c you are having sex w/him and things are humming along. change the sexual dynamic and watch the behavior change too. good luck. Well DUH! But, seriously. I'm almost 43. I can rub one out every day. sometimes twice a day because it's just 10 mins of action but when i'm with someone we take a while. I can't do that every day. I need sleep & fluid replenishment. I've dated a few women in their 40's that were grabbing me for sex every time they saw me and sometimes stopping by for a quickie. But I take care of them so they come back back for more. sounds to me like OP's BF isn't really giving her the "O" and she is just laying there until he finishes. if that's the case then no wonder she see's it as a chore. Edited December 9, 2014 by phineas
Diezel Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I wonder what the dynamic of this thread would be like if a guy came and posted: I have sex with my girlfriend, but lately she wants to decrease the frequency of it. We've only been going out for 3 months.
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