momto3boys Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 My ex and I have been separated for 7 months. Weren't getting along but recently I decided to reach out to be friends with him (he left me)... It the holidays and I really would like things to be civil during Christmas. Some how us chatting turned sexual. He has a girlfriend he's been with for almost 2 months. Well we slept together for the first time 4 days ago. Then he said "one more time." And then we slept together again (he initiated both sexual acts both times) again 2 days ago. Told me it was the last time and to delete texts (of him askin me for sex). I told him I thought we shouldn't talk unless it's about the kids, but today is my birthday and I reached out to him to try to befriends and now he is not responding and if he does it's one time and that's it. I really just want friendship with him. Did I ruin my chances at a froendship? My oldest son is by someone else and I am really really good friends with him. So I am looking for another good coparenting relationship with my soon to be exhusband. Could he be ignoring me because he's afraid I'll want to get back together? Did I ruin the chance of a friendship? What can I do to build a good friendship with him? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 He got what he wanted from you; sex. Now you're dead to him again, especially now since you could easily jeopardize his "relationship" with his GF. Don't let him manipulate you and stay firm next time. This was never about friendship in the first place, he just needed someone to brush his ego and found a willing person in you for just that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author momto3boys Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 Well as soon as he heard i have started dating thats when he started initiating sex... I just did it because its been a while for me. I dont want anything other than a friendship for our childrens sake. He is so "hot and cold". Its really annoying. I definitely have no intentions of sleeping with him again. I guess i ruined a possible friendship because i was dumb and slept with him, ugh Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 You are divorcing him. The "friends" is just sex. So that means no to being friends and no to the sex. Stick to a boundary. You keep switching teams... And it not right to the gal he's dating now. Just don't... Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Well as soon as he heard i have started dating thats when he started initiating sex... I just did it because its been a while for me. I dont want anything other than a friendship for our childrens sake. He is so "hot and cold". Its really annoying. I definitely have no intentions of sleeping with him again. I guess i ruined a possible friendship because i was dumb and slept with him, ugh He wanted to check if you're still available to him; clearly, you are. You can't be friends with a guy like that. Accept it, people like him are the ones who always try to do the "power play" with people they are involved with. Civil behavior is all you'll ever get from him, but no friendship. Again, stay firm. There's absolutely no reason for you to sleep with him, especially now that you're dating. Do you think a future boyfriend would appreciate you sleeping with your ex at his every whim? Besides, it's just not healthy for your self-esteem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author momto3boys Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 This girl is a big part of the reason he left. So i dont feel bad for her at all. She also bashes me constantly to mutual friends. I had boundaries set but he went over them. Maybe my friendship with my oldest sons dad is one of a kind because we hang out and do things with our son and it is not sexual at all. He is my best friend. I just keep thinking if im nice to my soon to be exhusband he will be more willing to help me (financially, and hes told me this..) Thats why ive been pressing for a friendship. Plus the relationship was bad...He wasnt even answering when he had my children so i could see how they are. I want a relationship with him that he will answer so i can see how the kids are, and send me pics of them while he has them. I send him pics often when i have them. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 He will help financially when the court orders it. When is the D to be final? He's using you because you've allowed him to. Think about it - you need money from him - he comes around and has been all nice - you like that icky attention for some reason so you sleep with him - and then he doesn't have to pay you money. So it works out great for him, right? Right. So stop having sex with him - he is not your friend. He's a father that should support his kids. Have it ordered by the court so there's no need to be all up in his schedule anymore. He picks them up/ drops them off at the same time every time. No need to discuss anything unless of an emergency for the kids. You stated he uses drugs - if that's the case then you should ask the court to have monitored visitation (IF at all). He shouldn't be around the kids while he's using. Link to post Share on other sites
Author momto3boys Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 I am not sure if he is doing drugs right now, i know the girlfriend does...The girl is only 20. I really dont want her around my kids. We have a custody hearing jan 9th. So things should be put on papers soon enough. He just quit his weekend job so he will be doing every other weekend, so i wont have to hear from him often. Right now he does every sunday for the whole day. My 3rd son has severe food allergies, thats why i try to keep communications open so i can check in on him. I am terrified about how "safe" his house is for my son with allergies. I am sure i could bring that up in court though? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I am not sure if he is doing drugs right now, i know the girlfriend does...The girl is only 20. I really dont want her around my kids. We have a custody hearing jan 9th. So things should be put on papers soon enough. He just quit his weekend job so he will be doing every other weekend, so i wont have to hear from him often. Right now he does every sunday for the whole day. My 3rd son has severe food allergies, thats why i try to keep communications open so i can check in on him. I am terrified about how "safe" his house is for my son with allergies. I am sure i could bring that up in court though? Sure. And ask the court to test him to be sure he isn't using drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 People you will be sitting across the table from in Court are not your friends, and are not "friend-worthy" material. That's my moto. You have to accept that. It's reality, and reality sucks, sometimes. No more leg-spreading with this guy. When you get graphic like that, it will be more of a turn-off. Cause that is how he views it, hon. It's obvious, cause he left to go back to another woman after the session, and, to add insult to injury, he wanted you to delete text evidence, as he's ashamed of his communications with you. Doesn't that make you feel nasty? I hope my post is a good motivator for you. No offence intended. Yas 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 This girl is a big part of the reason he left. So i dont feel bad for her at all. She also bashes me constantly to mutual friends. What goes around comes around. No need to feel bad for OW to be honest, she knew who she was getting involved with, but a situation like that isn't healthy for you. You're too co-dependant on him. Stop thinking about being friends, it won't happen. He's probably not even capable of proper friendship without using them for his advantage. And decrease your picture-posting-traffic. Chances are he's not even looking at them. You also can't expect him to leave communications open while the children are with him; he's just not the responsible type. Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I'm a little upset by your actions actually. I have been following and offering advice throughout your separation and you go an do this to me? I can't believe you slept with that man after the way he has treated you. I feel like you cheated on me! Joking, but seriously, you screwed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Did I ruin my chances at a froendship? My oldest son is by someone else and I am really really good friends with him. So I am looking for another good coparenting relationship with my soon to be exhusband. You don't have to have a friendship with an ex-husband to have a good co-parenting relationship. I think you're using that as an excuse because for some bizarre reason you still seek validation and acceptance from this man. He has treated you horribly and that doesn't produce "friendships". Logically, you know this but emotionally, you want a "friendship" to stay attached to him. Could he be ignoring me because he's afraid I'll want to get back together? Did I ruin the chance of a friendship? What can I do to build a good friendship with him? He's ignoring you because he can sense you getting emotional and he doesn't want that or the possibility of his gf knowing. He wanted sex and control, and he got it. He doesn't want you making it more than what it is. You need to focus on your kids and your life ahead. As I said before, the only relationship you need is one that is civil for the sake of your children. It's unfortunate because I have followed your story and this is my first time posting on your thread. Why would you want to sleep with him when he's disrespected you so much? Link to post Share on other sites
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