what would you take from this?

[Vodka]

will try to keep this as short as possible-

 

I met this guy about 4 months ago, we started it as exclusive FWB. *I* feel we get along well, for me there is a connection. I feel like we have quite a bit in common and we are sexually compatible. I asked him today if he was still into our 'arrangement' because he had gone quiet for a day or 2 and this is the text I get:

 

 

 

I am trying to stay positive about what he means because I like him, but how do you read this? Does he want something more with me or is he telling me that he wants more than what we have, just not with me? We will talk about this but he said he wants more time to think about it so I won't pressure him.

[Danda]

Looks like he was being honest, so in my opinion you should take his words to mean exactly what they do. That he's not sure what he wants and needs some time to think.

 

That's actually really great that he was honest and didn't give you an answer (one way or the other) just to bluff a sense of self-assurance. I know you might feel distressed, since you do seem to know what you want while he doesn't, but try to appreciate his honesty. He's neither leading you on by pretending to feel the same way for sure just in order to keep accessing you sexually, nor did he get defensive or dismissive towards you.

 

That he's unsure likely means one of two things:

 

1. He had his reasons for only pursuing a FWB situation, and those reasons might still stand, yet he's been having the same secret, nagging thoughts and feelings as you. He's feeling torn and isn't sure what to do, because there's no obvious, simple solution to his dilemma.

 

2. He doesn't feel the same as you do, but he really likes the situation he has with you right now, including really liking you as a FWB. Now that you've made this move, he has no idea how to keep things the same without having it get complicated and/or hurting you. He wants to do the right thing and handle the situation gracefully, but he's not sure exactly what that is / how to do that.

 

No matter what the case or what happens next, just remember that you were brave and honest, you took a chance even though you might get hurt, and all of that is admirable and not a mistake, no matter how it turns out.

[Vodka]

So you do not read it as him wanting more with me?

[angel.eyes]

Typically, FWBs are a stop gap until you find someone you want to date and invest in the effort of a relationship.

 

Unfortunately, one person (usually the woman) develops feelings and gets hurt in the process. In your situation, it doesn't seem promising for you. Sorry.

[Gloria25]

I just need to understand what happened here...

 

If I'm correct, you are in a FWB situation, yet you got scared when you didn't hear from him in two days?

 

I'm sorry, but in my FWB situations, I don't hear from them for longer than two days...cuz it "is" a FWB situation. Quite frankly, the only time we're really communicating is to set up a date/time to meet.

[Vodka]

Well I didnt get scared, it was just abnormal because we talk every day...

[Danda]

I just need to understand what happened here...

 

If I'm correct, you are in a FWB situation, yet you got scared when you didn't hear from him in two days?

 

I'm sorry, but in my FWB situations, I don't hear from them for longer than two days...cuz it "is" a FWB situation. Quite frankly, the only time we're really communicating is to set up a date/time to meet.

 

I noticed that, as well, but as a result I figured there might be some merit to her hopes if the two of them typically enjoy conversation on such a regular basis as every day / every other day.

 

As far as:

 

"So you do not read it as him wanting more with me?"

 

No, I see it as him being honest with you in that he's not sure and needs time to think. It probably hit him out of left field when you made your move.

 

Either he values you at least in some way and is therefore proceeding with caution (making sure he really knows how he feels before answering you), OR he is about to drop off the face of the earth.

 

It's a situation where the result is likely going to make you really happy, or really upset. Which is why I can understand the suspense you probably feel right now and how uncomfortable that is.

 

So I am trying to encourage you not to jump to any conclusions or work yourself up over it. Deep breath and just give him some time, and remember that you haven't done anything wrong or stupid. You've been honest and brave and have taken a chance. I'm hoping it can help you relax a little bit to understand that.

[Gloria25]

I noticed that, as well, but as a result I figured there might be some merit to her hopes if the two of them typically enjoy conversation on such a regular basis as every day / every other day.

 

As far as:

 

"So you do not read it as him wanting more with me?"

 

No, I see it as him being honest with you in that he's not sure and needs time to think. It probably hit him out of left field when you made your move.

 

Either he values you at least in some way and is therefore proceeding with caution (making sure he really knows how he feels before answering you), OR he is about to drop off the face of the earth.

 

It's a situation where the result is likely going to make you really happy, or really upset. Which is why I can understand the suspense you probably feel right now and how uncomfortable that is.

 

So I am trying to encourage you not to jump to any conclusions or work yourself up over it. Deep breath and just give him some time, and remember that you haven't done anything wrong or stupid. You've been honest and brave and have taken a chance. I'm hoping it can help you relax a little bit to understand that.

 

I still don't agree...

 

I believe we women are quick to read more into something than trusting a man's word. Yes, men often speak more via actions rather than words - but at the same time, when a man "declares" where he stands on a relationship - trust him at his word.

 

In FWB situations, the lines can get blurred cuz you are having sex with someone you consider a "friend"? And, FWB - unlike FBs - aren't just about sex, you do other things with that guy that people dating would do (i.e. going out to a movie/dinner/show, talking on the phone, cooking, etc.). But at the end of the day - IT IS A FWB.

 

Please note that some people pay escorts and/or strippers just to "sit down and talk to them"....I'm using that as an example of guys appreciating talking to a female that will not be someone they'd probably turn into a gf.

[Vodka]

Just fyi...I didnt tell him I loved him or anything, I just asked if he was still into our arrangement (fwb). He has told me he loved me before but it was when we were texring so I just assumed he was joking around. He has also started asking me to stay over. The last time he did I said no because i have my own routine in the morning and he said and you cant fit me into your routine?

 

So who knows...

[mrs rubble]

I bet you if you meet someone else, he'll make up his mind super quickly one way or the other.

[Gloria25]

Just fyi...I didnt tell him I loved him or anything, I just asked if he was still into our arrangement (fwb). He has told me he loved me before but it was when we were texring so I just assumed he was joking around. He has also started asking me to stay over. The last time he did I said no because i have my own routine in the morning and he said and you cant fit me into your routine?

 

So who knows...

 

He "loves" you in only four months of dating, and you two are just "FWBs"....ok

 

The love, FWB, and only four months of dating don't add up. I don't get how you can love someone, but only want them to be your FWB. I also don't believe you can love someone in four months of dating...

 

But that's me...

[FitChick]

Never agree up front to be FWB because you are limiting the relationship. Date them and if it develops into FWB then decide to end it or continue while dating others for a serious relationship.