Dating and our childhoods...

[Gloria25]

I am posting a quote from someone I listen to a lot, respect, and admire....

 

"Why the 'Perfect Match' Isn't Always Healthy

 

You probably have no idea how much you have been imprinted against your will by your parents' relationships and how that affects your relationships. Patterns from your childhood repeat because your brain sets down those patterns as a way of experiencing and dealing with relationships. If the version of being cared for in your house meant dismissal, rejection or invalidation, then that's what you are familiar with. Therefore, if you repeatedly find yourself in unhealthy, combative, painful or unsatisfying relationships, you are simply repeating history.

 

How do you break these patterns and heal yourself? It's actually quite simple: You need to force yourself to be with healthy men or women, and make new synaptic connections, which will eventually become familiar. You can't be sporadic. In order to change your wiring, you must consistently engage in new experiences.

 

Until you are healthy in your own mind, you won't be attracted to anyone healthy, and nobody healthy will be attracted to you."

 

Next year when I start dating, I'm gonna try to step out of my comfort zone. Now and then in the past I've tried, but go back into either being alone and/or pursuing casual situations - but, I'm gonna try harder this year. Posting and sharing here on this thread makes me realize I need to try harder this time.

 

Now, I'm not changing my views on kids and the whole "white picket fence", but I'm gonna aim higher than FWBs and/or involved guys...definitely.

[StalwartMind]

I think there is a great bit of truth to all that, sometimes people don't even realize they are in unhealthy environments, which prevent them from being with "the right people" and seeing sense. There are other factors and reasons indubitably so. This is why it's great for everyone to force themselves out of their comfort zone once in awhile.