HermannHessse Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Been lurking in the forums for stories and advice. but I figure I need some advice and answers for myself. Got dumped by my gf of 2 years because she felt she need independence and she was being too dependent on me. After the break, we had NC for about a year. Recently she contacted me asking to meet up and talk face to face, in hopes of closure of our break up. I been healing and picking myself up over the course of 1 year, and I guess I'm more than certain that I'm done trying to get back together with her, and began my process of moving on. I guess what's troubling me is why would she want to meet or have closure? Not forgetting she was the one who wanted the break up and what I heard was she was moving on as well and in fact began dating someone else. I'm also confused on why would she want to meet when she also mentioned she wasn't ready to be normal friends either. And what should I do?
flightplan Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 First, be honest with yourself. Do you want to get back with her? If not, don't meet her. She is not meeting you for closure. She is fishing... and she's not being honest about it. Your call, but if it we're me.. I wouldn't do it if you feel it's going to reopen old wounds. 1
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Meeting may cause YOU more pain. If you're doing well then don't meet her. I think IF you consider meeting her you need her to be perfectly honest about what her motive/intent is for meeting. 1
Author HermannHessse Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 First, be honest with yourself. Do you want to get back with her? If not, don't meet her. She is not meeting you for closure. She is fishing... and she's not being honest about it. Your call, but if it we're me.. I wouldn't do it if you feel it's going to reopen old wounds. I'm beginning to move on from the break up and learning to let go but I guess I would admitted part of me still wants to get back with her. But I know it doesn't work that way anymore. 1
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Then ask her and be specific - what is your goal in meeting with me? 1
Author HermannHessse Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 She mentioned that it was to get closure for both of us. I guess part of me wants to see and meet her to catch up. Maybe try to remain some kind of friendship between us.
erklat Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 She is a dumper - she does not need closure. For you, closure comes from within and it seems to me Like you found your own. Do not accept any kind of friendship proposal because now You have the upper hand. If you meet with her before she Discloses her agenda... That is void. 3
CarrieT Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I guess part of me wants to see and meet her to catch up. Maybe try to remain some kind of friendship between us. There can only be friendship between Exes when/if there is NO romantic feelings by either party. Trust me - I *AM* friends with my Exes - and it was only after considerable time and distance that we were able to return to each other as friends. If you are still pondering a reunion of any type, you can't be friends. She wants the "closure" thing to assuage her guilt of breaking up with you. But if you are still hurting, there is no healthy closure you can get from a meeting.
lil hoodlum Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 If it were me, I wouldn't do anything. She even stated she wasn't ready to be "normal friends" yet? Screw that, what's in it for you buddy? 2
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 It's been OVER - that IS the closure. I think meeting her would cause you new pain. Can you tell her you prefer not to meet - as it's obvious it is already closed?
Ajax Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I think after a year you don't owe her anything. I'm usually pretty forgiving and willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but frankly I'd be insulted by the insinuation that you might still need closure after a year. I mean, sheesh! She left a year ago because she needed independence? Hasn't she found that yet? There's an ulterior motive here and it's not a good one. Walk away from this one. 2
No Limit Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 She's probably just going to babyfeed you with manipulative waste. Not really worth your time. 2
BC1980 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 She mentioned that it was to get closure for both of us. I guess part of me wants to see and meet her to catch up. Maybe try to remain some kind of friendship between us. So she is assuming that you need closure, and she can provide that closure for you. Nice. How thoughtful of her. Anyway, it appears as if you have already made peace with this, and the fact is that she doesn't need to meet with you to find her closure. If you are ever going to be friends with an ex, it will happen organically and on its own time. If she is still seeking closure, then she is not in the right frame of mind to accept a friendship. 1
6Pack Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I would say it depends on two things: 1. The circumstances of the break-up (Only the OP really knows these; we cannot second guess). 2. Where is the dumpee in the recovery process, and what does he want? I would actually meet an ex in this case, to see what they really wanted. Just dont get hopes up and be prepared to be on guard, against all things such as manipulation, etc. Let the ex reveal her hand first. I have done meetings with exes before...sometimes it was I who asked for it and sometimes it was the ex.
travelbug1996 Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 It doesn't sound like it was a bad breakup. Just that she needs to find her independence and couldn't do that while in a relationship. If she wants to get back together you guys could potentially have an even better relationship. If she just wants friends and you want more, I would suggest not doing that as it will cause you more pain.
Author HermannHessse Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Thanks guys for advice. I guess there is the possibility she feels guilty and wants to lessen that guilt but the break up wasn't really on bad terms. We were close and best friends, i guess i feel pity that we will lose that friendship now after the break. But what other ulterior motive could there be? Maybe she needed to feel better about her previous relationship so her current one with this new guy would be better?
Satu Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 What your ex is suggesting doesn't ring true for me. What does she really want from you?
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