youngbutoldsoul Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Uplifting Message for the Broken Hearted: I’ve been a part of this community for several years, mainly to benefit from the wisdom and advice of others, but little have I contributed. I remember those long, painful nights of endlessly reading threads on here, in hopes of stumbling across something I can relate my situation too, desperately searching an enlightening voice, something powerful to soothe my pain, even if just for a short-while. With the holidays coming up, I thought a great way to spread love is to share it with those most vulnerable, many of you guys, who have made this community possible, who have made the idea of happiness possible for me once again. I’m hoping some of my personal growth and milestones I’ve achieved over the past two years out of a very special relationship, and still single, can offer something useful to any of you: I outgrew the idea that there’s someone just one person that was made perfectly for us. I think it’s an idea that our society romanticizes and have become so engrained in us. This was such a transformative experience for me, especially for a hopeless romantic who grew up idolizing the idea of a perfect love—there is no such thing. No one belongs to anyone. Your past lover may have been predestined to meet you, but they were not placed into this universe to make your life happy, it’s not their job, it’s not your job, to be responsible for another person’s happiness. However much you think you two belonged together, there’s clearly a series of events and reasons that have led to that partnership ending, so don’t force something that no longer belongs. I like that quote by Osho: “If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up, it dies, and ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation”. And with that in mind, appreciate those beautiful memories you made with your past lover(s). Everything seemed perfect and made sense, in the context of that time and place, but now you’re in a different time and place in your life, so be happy you lived to experience something that special, some people might not be as lucky as you to experience something so rich and loving in their lifetime. This idea of “forever”. It’s the grandest commitment, the holiest vow, we can offer another person in our lifetime, but it’s certainly not one without immense pressure. We’re all inclined to seek stability and security, and maybe it’s within this idea that offers us comfort, a sense of purpose that what we’re working towards with someone else has a destination planned. I tried to free myself from this idea too and what I discovered during my journey being single was an enriching experience. I learned to savor the connections with another human being, even if I showed up to dates and events with an aching heart underneath it all, I choose to appreciate the company of another person and enjoy the connection, however long it lasted. It can be an insightful opportunity for you to learn to listen a little harder, to laugh in times of pain, and to realize even if this other person sitting in front of you is not “comparable” in your eyes, they’re still a wholesome individual, full of interests, values, and imaginations who may ignite some sparks with you in some way. Enjoy that. I love that song Closing Time by Semisonic. My favorite line: “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Life is a series of good and bad, births and deaths take place around us everyday. When all was too painful, I emerged from my misery when I held on to a notion that I found very powerful, very uplifting, and made sense to me, in order to organize my emotions and compartmentalize everything that seemed confusing, painful, and frustrating to me. Reframing our situations may often time generate a profound level of wisdom. Think of your life so far, however many years you have lived, and try to think back to one of your earliest memories. Think of all that has taken place from that point in time to where you are now, reading this. However special those times were in your life, those emotions have subsided to some degree over time. Who you were at that time is different than who you are now. Think of these huge events that changed the course of your life as a climatic moment that defines just one chapter in your life. But don’t close the book. There’s so many more unfilled pages, and you are the author of your life. Think of it as many “lifetimes” within this lifetime you are given; every ending just leads to your rebirth, the emergence of a different version of you. I ran into my ex with his new partner taking pictures by a Christmas tree at a local Christmas in the park event, their faces lit from the camera flashes. For a split-second it was a shock, but it quickly faded. Learn to not place so much emotions in things external to you. Invest in everything loving and enriching centered around you and your development, who you want to be, what you want to achieve in your life ahead; when your emotions are not placed in external things (like someone or something else), you convert that energy investment in yourself and nothing can harm you. Strive to be the best possible version of yourself as you can possibly be. If you were told you had only three months left to live, how would you live it? Would your ex still be as relevant or important? This life is about you. It’s all yours. Make something beautiful out of it. Don’t let one human being make you bitter and closed off to all the wonderful things this universe has waiting for you. Write a daily message to yourself and re-read it everyday, even if it seems repetitive, you want to create a habit, a thought pattern to feel better. Every morning I reach over to a note I wrote for myself: I am very happily in a committed relationship…with myself. I feel blessed to be in reasonable health and to see the people I care about breathing. I may not know what will happen in the minutes and days to come, but I choose to be vibrant and happy, no matter how my life changes. Everyday is another opportunity for me to reinvent myself and become an even better version of myself, and I will be patient with myself as I trip and fall every so often along the way. I believe in the endless possibilities in this huge universe, with billions of people. I want to make this world a better place than before I came into it. 8
ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Yes hollywood trains us from a young age a model of relationships that just has no basis in the real world. On these forums in the dating section many many a man come looking for advice because theyve fallen for some girl and they are trying to find the key that will unlock her heart. They think that relationships can last forever. Maybe they could in a different time when people had more perseverence and were more ready to make compromises, in a time when marriage meant something because it couldnt be unilaterally terminated for no reason. 2
flightplan Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Well put. I think your comments demonstrate the growth that comes from relationships that don't appear to work out, but in the end, worked perfectly to contribute to your life. Nothing is permanent and change is constant, including relationships. We're all spirits experiencing human emotions and to do that to the fullest we absolutely need to experience the pain in order to appreciate the love. In the end, it's all love. Great post... thanks for posting. 2
Mandy Goold Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Uplifting Message for the Broken Hearted: I’ve been a part of this community for several years, mainly to benefit from the wisdom and advice of others, but little have I contributed. I remember those long, painful nights of endlessly reading threads on here, in hopes of stumbling across something I can relate my situation too, desperately searching an enlightening voice, something powerful to soothe my pain, even if just for a short-while. With the holidays coming up, I thought a great way to spread love is to share it with those most vulnerable, many of you guys, who have made this community possible, who have made the idea of happiness possible for me once again. I’m hoping some of my personal growth and milestones I’ve achieved over the past two years out of a very special relationship, and still single, can offer something useful to any of you: I outgrew the idea that there’s someone just one person that was made perfectly for us. I think it’s an idea that our society romanticizes and have become so engrained in us. This was such a transformative experience for me, especially for a hopeless romantic who grew up idolizing the idea of a perfect love—there is no such thing. No one belongs to anyone. Your past lover may have been predestined to meet you, but they were not placed into this universe to make your life happy, it’s not their job, it’s not your job, to be responsible for another person’s happiness. However much you think you two belonged together, there’s clearly a series of events and reasons that have led to that partnership ending, so don’t force something that no longer belongs. I like that quote by Osho: “If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up, it dies, and ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation”. And with that in mind, appreciate those beautiful memories you made with your past lover(s). Everything seemed perfect and made sense, in the context of that time and place, but now you’re in a different time and place in your life, so be happy you lived to experience something that special, some people might not be as lucky as you to experience something so rich and loving in their lifetime. This idea of “forever”. It’s the grandest commitment, the holiest vow, we can offer another person in our lifetime, but it’s certainly not one without immense pressure. We’re all inclined to seek stability and security, and maybe it’s within this idea that offers us comfort, a sense of purpose that what we’re working towards with someone else has a destination planned. I tried to free myself from this idea too and what I discovered during my journey being single was an enriching experience. I learned to savor the connections with another human being, even if I showed up to dates and events with an aching heart underneath it all, I choose to appreciate the company of another person and enjoy the connection, however long it lasted. It can be an insightful opportunity for you to learn to listen a little harder, to laugh in times of pain, and to realize even if this other person sitting in front of you is not “comparable” in your eyes, they’re still a wholesome individual, full of interests, values, and imaginations who may ignite some sparks with you in some way. Enjoy that. I love that song Closing Time by Semisonic. My favorite line: “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Life is a series of good and bad, births and deaths take place around us everyday. When all was too painful, I emerged from my misery when I held on to a notion that I found very powerful, very uplifting, and made sense to me, in order to organize my emotions and compartmentalize everything that seemed confusing, painful, and frustrating to me. Reframing our situations may often time generate a profound level of wisdom. Think of your life so far, however many years you have lived, and try to think back to one of your earliest memories. Think of all that has taken place from that point in time to where you are now, reading this. However special those times were in your life, those emotions have subsided to some degree over time. Who you were at that time is different than who you are now. Think of these huge events that changed the course of your life as a climatic moment that defines just one chapter in your life. But don’t close the book. There’s so many more unfilled pages, and you are the author of your life. Think of it as many “lifetimes” within this lifetime you are given; every ending just leads to your rebirth, the emergence of a different version of you. I ran into my ex with his new partner taking pictures by a Christmas tree at a local Christmas in the park event, their faces lit from the camera flashes. For a split-second it was a shock, but it quickly faded. Learn to not place so much emotions in things external to you. Invest in everything loving and enriching centered around you and your development, who you want to be, what you want to achieve in your life ahead; when your emotions are not placed in external things (like someone or something else), you convert that energy investment in yourself and nothing can harm you. Strive to be the best possible version of yourself as you can possibly be. If you were told you had only three months left to live, how would you live it? Would your ex still be as relevant or important? This life is about you. It’s all yours. Make something beautiful out of it. Don’t let one human being make you bitter and closed off to all the wonderful things this universe has waiting for you. Write a daily message to yourself and re-read it everyday, even if it seems repetitive, you want to create a habit, a thought pattern to feel better. Every morning I reach over to a note I wrote for myself: I am very happily in a committed relationship…with myself. I feel blessed to be in reasonable health and to see the people I care about breathing. I may not know what will happen in the minutes and days to come, but I choose to be vibrant and happy, no matter how my life changes. Everyday is another opportunity for me to reinvent myself and become an even better version of myself, and I will be patient with myself as I trip and fall every so often along the way. I believe in the endless possibilities in this huge universe, with billions of people. I want to make this world a better place than before I came into it. Your words have comforted me & made me think of myself instead of the man who's left me after 19 years of marriage. I will try to be kind to myself. Thank you x 1
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 Your words have comforted me & made me think of myself instead of the man who's left me after 19 years of marriage. I will try to be kind to myself. Thank you x Really happy to know my post somewhat comforted you! Take care of yourself and wish all the best to you X
ralfgarnett Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) Your words have comforted me & made me think of myself instead of the man who's left me after 19 years of marriage. I will try to be kind to myself. Thank you x Hi Mandy I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I feel your pain, my wife upped and left me out of the blue after 17 years of marriage so I know how it feels, just thinking about it that's nearly 40 years of both our lives down the pan and for what ?, why do they do these cruel things to us what on earth gets in to them ?, we give them our love, our hearts, our dedication, our lives our years yet they treat us as they do. Edited December 8, 2014 by ralfgarnett
nolanola Posted December 8, 2014 Posted December 8, 2014 I love all of what you said. One thing that sometimes helps me when I feel sad is to think of my life ten years ago. I think of what I knew at that time, the people I was interacting with (friends, boyfriend, etc), the plans I had for myself. Then I think of all the things that have happened in the past 10 years, most of them I could have never imagined at that time. Some of these things have been good (traveling to crazy places, work opportunities), some of them have been bad (an awful relationship, health issues), but no of them did I see coming. It helps me to think that the next 10 years hold just as many surprises for me. There's no telling what things will happen to you that you can't even imagine right now. This keeps me going sometimes when I feel low and lonely. 1
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted December 9, 2014 Author Posted December 9, 2014 I love all of what you said. One thing that sometimes helps me when I feel sad is to think of my life ten years ago. I think of what I knew at that time, the people I was interacting with (friends, boyfriend, etc), the plans I had for myself. Then I think of all the things that have happened in the past 10 years, most of them I could have never imagined at that time. Some of these things have been good (traveling to crazy places, work opportunities), some of them have been bad (an awful relationship, health issues), but no of them did I see coming. It helps me to think that the next 10 years hold just as many surprises for me. There's no telling what things will happen to you that you can't even imagine right now. This keeps me going sometimes when I feel low and lonely. Thank you so much for that beautiful thought and perspective! It really made a huge impact on my night to read your response.
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