ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Met this girl online, turned out she was from my hometown and we knew a lot of the same people. She even was my parents neighbor for nearly 20 years. I was happy to meet someone who would maybe share my small town values. She worked as a nurse and had a second job. Couldnt get pregnant. Owned two houses and rented an apartment here in the city. Had her own car. 3 kids in their 20s, no interest in marriage. Sounded like a good fit. She showed up at my house october 14 for our first meet up. Had some minor outpatient surgery and stuck around at my place for a few weeks while recovering. Ran out of cash towards he end of the month, her son had her car and bank card. She said shed catch me back. Fast forward to now. Ive learned that she has no apartment, no car, probably no job. She during this time became pregnant also. I tried to get her to go home so i could think but there was always some excuse. As the weeks went by looking after her needs the dollar figure kept going higher and higher. The more she owed me the more demanding she got, dangling the money in front of me like a carrot on a stick. She would crank my heat despite me asking, then telling her to leave it on the automatic timer. Took money out of my bank account without asking twice, first was $40 as i slept, next time it was $160 and i caught her within minutes. It took 7 hours, a transit pass, $40 cash and a cheap hotel room to get her out. Obviously homeless. The night before i met her she was staying in a hotel, citing she had too much family staying at her house and she wanted some quiet. Chances are high that the real reason she was in a hotel was because the last victim did the same thing as me to get her out. On her way out she stole my deceased mothers diamond rings. They werent worth much but it was the sentimental value. How can a woman live like this? Mooching me into financial ruin and lying about practically everything? To make matters worse while she was here she underwent a medical abortion. Or so i thought. The day i finally got her out she was wanting to get a prescription because she was bleeding too heavily. But she left the feminine pads behind. I checked out her story with a pharmacist friend and it was a pile of baloney. I dont understand. Why lie, manipulate, and steal over matters so serious? I made a decision when i broke up with my last ex to never get another girlfriend again and to just multi date. I figured id give it a try with this one and take it slow. Next thing i knew wihin days i had suzy homemaker live in pregnant practical wife. Anyways shes gone and blocked and if i can find a picture of the rings ill report them stolen. Im not sad about losing her at all. I am sad about the horrible financial position im in. I think when i land on my feet im going to go back to multi dating forever. Ug.
MousyBrown Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Woah. That sounds... terrifying. I've never dated online before, and though I know some people who have pulled it off successfully, the whole business seems like it's got a lot of risks involved. If you're done with long-term relationships, I totally wouldn't blame you. That said, I think the world wide web is the real culprit in this one.
Author ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Ive met some pretty good girls online. The reason this one went so far is because she was from my hometown and we had a lot of mutual high school friends, she even used to drink wine with my adopted mom and knew my parents. Given all that i was more inclined to beleive her. Turns out almost everything she told me was a lie. I think im going to stick to asians lol.
dreamingoftigers Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Woah. That sounds... terrifying. I've never dated online before, and though I know some people who have pulled it off successfully, the whole business seems like it's got a lot of risks involved. If you're done with long-term relationships, I totally wouldn't blame you. That said, I think the world wide web is the real culprit in this one. He didnt screen her, let her practically move in, slept with her etc, gave her his pin number and and then really let her play him for weeks while everyone on here told him to send her packing. Yeah she's a crazy stealing ho-bag who is a pathological liar. But seriously, boundaries! Multi dating wont save you from crazy. It may in fact mean you get 3 crazies. 2
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Have you not learned anything in all this mess? I'd bet you haven't even changed your locks yet...? No one will use you unless YOU ALLOW them to!!! YOU ALLOWED all of it by not taking action when the FIRST red flag came up! There will be a next one unless you change yourself and the way you deal with boundaries.
Author ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Shes out and has no keys. Its over. I just cant fathom why someone would live like that. As the puzzle peices come together she probably actually lives like this, kiting from one guy to the next and ending up in a hotel when the poor exasperated "nice guy" cant take it anymore. I can see how she gets away with it, her excuses are really good and it takes a while to realize its all a facade. But why?
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 (edited) Shes out and has no keys. Its over. I just cant fathom why someone would live like that. As the puzzle peices come together she probably actually lives like this, kiting from one guy to the next and ending up in a hotel when the poor exasperated "nice guy" cant take it anymore. I can see how she gets away with it, her excuses are really good and it takes a while to realize its all a facade. But why? Because it works for her. Because you LET HER! Because you are moving your boundary to suit her comfort zone instead of sticking to YOUR healthy boundary. Because a guy like you doesn't change the locks - and most likely she has an extra key she had made - and she will return when you least expect it and take more from you. Because you don't listen to warnings and take ACTION sooner! Edited December 7, 2014 by beach
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 And because you believed all her lies without looking for evidence! Stop being so gullible. It has everything to do with you and almost nothing to do with her. Think about that.
Raena Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Thank goodness she's finally out though. What a relief! So the pregnancy was all a scam too? Thank your lucky stars you were able to escape this experience relatively unscathed. Use it in the future to decide how NOT to let anyone walk all over you. 1
Author ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 The pregnancy was real. Whether it was me or the previous victim at this point i dont know. The medical abortion was a scam, she didnt get it. I just dont understand why someone would choose to live their life like that. I probably never will. Leeching off a guy who is already in a bit of financial trouble and baiting him with promises dragging him into ruin. How can you wake up in th morning with skeletons like that in your closet.
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Why does she? Because she CAN! The question is - why did YOU keep participating?
Author ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Lol @ beach.. Are you paid LS staff? You seem to be on here 24/7 your turnaround is nothing short of incredible. Its hard to explain why i kept participating but it would be analogous to the "death by a thousand little cuts" phrase. At no point was there something so outlandish and false that it wasnt beleiveable. It would have been impossible to spot without an ever longer list of inconsistencies. My tenants, for example, loved her, and there was no sex or gratuities going back and forth (even the female one). Being someone who has no shame in living like that and lying even when it is such a big deal for what has been probably quite a while she has very well honed lying skills. It wasnt until a few weeks in when the pregnancy bomb got dropped (she couldnt get pregnant, remember) and i really wanted her to go home so i could think that i started to get suspicious and want to check facts. Up until that point she apparently had a house her son was staying in and he had her car and bank card - i got suspicious because given the gravity of a pregnancy any rational and normal person would have no problem giving a man some space and would likely want some herself - and it would be perfectly reasonable to call uo your son in such a situation and say come pick me up in my car because i want to go home. But whats done is done, its over now. I got straight up played like a song and now i get to deal with the mess. I just dont get how a 42 year old woman can live like that, drifting from one sucker to another squeezing them until they dry up and leaving their lives in shambles, pregnant even. Im leaning towards what many have suggested, that she was probably knocked up when she got here. But to go kiting off one man then anothet while pregnant??? Wtf
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Did you ever notice that strong men with healthy boundaries are never in these situations?
Author ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Did you ever notice that strong men with healthy boundaries are never in these situations? What you are inferring with that statement is not very respectful. You are implying that because i have been misled over the course of 7 weeks by a very skillful operator that i am not strong nor in posession of healthy boundaries. In this 7 weeks i have lost a job received 4 offers and started a new one, dealt with a pregnancy and a supposed abortion, with the associated financial difficulties that go along with an unexpected job loss, got a girlfriend and broke up with her. I think im hanging in here pretty good all things considered and i have a huge financial mess to deal with that might break me. I dont know what your relationshp status or history is but sometimes lifes a bitch and then you meet one too. Back off.
deathandtaxes Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I think im hanging in here pretty good all things considered and i have a huge financial mess to deal with that might break me. I dont know what your relationshp status or history is but sometimes lifes a bitch and then you meet one too. Back off. For your sake I hope she's not pregnant and/or it's not your's. Talk about a financial mess at that point...
MousyBrown Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I think im hanging in here pretty good all things considered and i have a huge financial mess to deal with that might break me. I dont know what your relationshp status or history is but sometimes lifes a bitch and then you meet one too. Keeping hanging in there! I think you've learned from this experience, and you'll be more cautious in the future. 1
Author ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Keeping hanging in there! I think you've learned from this experience, and you'll be more cautious in the future. Thanks man or woman whichever you are.
SpiralOut Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Next time don't have someone come to your house for a first date. Meet in public places for the first few dates at least until you can determine that they are normal. As for why she did that, it's because she has problems. I read your other thread and her behaviour sounds antisocial in the clinical sense. It would not surprise me at all if she has a mental disorder.
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