Dealing with Jealousy

[TrustedthenBusted]

The best revenge you can take on the guy who steals your woman is to let him have her.

 

Seriously.

 

She sounds like a "monkey" girl. The kind that doesn't let go of one branch until she has a firm grasp on another one.

 

These kind of monkeys eventually fall. Hard.

 

Good luck brother. She's giving you a gift right now. Take it.

[dichotomy]

Basic assumption in United States - the judge will usually order the home to be sold and any amount received after paying of mortgage and real estate agent - split 50/50. Lets say this is estimated at 100K. So if At this point your lawyer can propose (before home is listed) to her lawyer "we will give you 50K in cash now - to leave and sign of home to your ex husband". Or if you have more complicated assets and investments - you add all those up - split them and decided who gets what.

 

In my first marriage we had the home, and some investments. I basically proposed - traded - you get all the investments - and I keep the home. She got a slightly better deal money wise - but I loved my home and town (she hated it)- so it worked out.

 

Until the money deals and splits are settled - which can take a while, you will likely be stuck with each other. But why doesn't she just go live with OM?

 

Also why haven't you already discussed this with a lawyer?

Edited December 8, 2014 by dichotomy

[Sloppy19]

Happyman64 I am 31 and she is 32. Not sure on the OM but I think I yet or two older. We hav no kids actually

[Sloppy19]

Thanks trustedthenbusted. The monkey girl sounds exactly right!

[Sloppy19]

Dichotomy... Thanks for the info. This is about a week old and we havent really discussed lawyer. Clearly after reading this I need to do it ASAP.

[oldshirt]

 

I have a follow up question that maybe you all can help with. We currently live in a house we purchased together. My wife works but I make quite a bIt more. I would like to stay in the house for awhile and fix it up either to sell or continue to live in. My wife refuses to move out as she says she has no where to go and can't afford anything on her own. I tell her that it's not my problem but she refuses to leave. Any advice for handling this situation?

 

 

 

That's a legal question that will depend heavily on the real estate, family and divorce laws of your area. That's what lawyers and divorce courts are for.

[elaine567]

Hello all. First time poster and long time reader. I could use some good advice and valuable input.

 

I recently discovered that my wife was cheating on me. I caught it early on as they have mostly been communicating and hanging out casually. When my wife and I sat down to discuss where we go from here, she indicated that he felt "more mature" to her and she liked that he was so independent. Well i don't know the guy and , quite frankly, don't care, but the words she used hit me pretty hard. We have a nice house, a well paying job and I am overall pretty mature and independent. So this immediately made me pretty jealous and defensive. Long story short, we decided to separate and will likely get divorced since she wants to continue exploring a further relationship with this guy. Over the last week or so we have been apart I am struggling with loneliness and all of the normal emotions that go with separation/divorce. But I find myself also dealing with jealousy. More at her than the other guy. I have to be alone and confront all the pain while she gets to occupy her downtime with the new guy. It sometimes feels like she doesn't even feel sad. Am I terrible for wanting her to actually have to confront the emotions instead of filling her time with this guy?

 

Any jealousy advice would be well appreciated.

You have had a sudden shock and a break up with the woman who you are in love with and who you had invested so much in regarding both your futures.

Whether she comes back begging forgiveness of whether she remains happy with her new man, we don't really know, but you need to start thinking about yourself and start ignoring what she may or may not do.

Listen to legal advice and make sure you are well covered re your finances and what you are entitled to.

Do not make the mistake of giving in to your ex, because you feel down or feel you do not care any more.

Take what is yours and take the initiative, do not let her railroad you into doing what she wants.

WSs can sometimes adopt the high ground, as the BS feels so gutted, do not let her do that to you.

[Sloppy19]

Alright all, I really could use some help. After spending the night away from the house while she figured things out, she went it and brought the guy back drunk at 3am. This effectively left my dogs with my sister in law who is temporarily staying at my house. I returned to the house and told my wife that I will be living there (I didn't mention anything about what she did while I was away). I told her that either she can move out or we will have to live separated in the house. I also mentioned that we should separate our accounts now and that we should get a lawyer.

 

This is where things got intense. She insisted that she was not moving out and that she would even bring the OM over to make it uncomfortable for me. She also threatened to make the divorce ugly and would insist on alimony. We had initially discussed an amicable split up and we would just divide things evenly and move on. She doesn't want the high cost of lawyers and didn't want any alimony. I also don't think we can afford them. My questions are this. How should I handle the threat of her bringing over the OM. Also, I would like to just split things evenly and reduce our cost without attorneys as I don't think we can afford it either. How should I handle the alimony/lawyer threat?

[happyman64]

Simple.

 

Let her know if the OM steps foot on your property you will have him arrested for trespassing.

 

Meet with a lawyer for advice.

 

Split finances today.

 

And please a recorder on you at all times before she gest you arrested under fake charges.

 

If your kids are in the house the OM should never be there at this time.

 

Period.

 

Does her family know what she is doing? About the affair?

 

If not tell them.

[aliveagain]

Please, please, please, talk to a lawyer. Most will give you an hour of free consultation. File a restraining order on other man to keep him off your property today. Please remind her that the uglier it gets the more of her money will be eaten up by lawyers fees and the less she will have in the end. The equity remains the same but lawyers will eat up all your assets the uglier it gets. Document everything, time away from your home, showing up drunk with other man at 3 in the morning, keep a journal. With someone as irrational as your wife get that VAR(voice activated recorder) at any electronics store, Radioshack, Futureshop, Bestbuy, they cost around 50-80 dollars. Keep it on you when with her. Depending where you live it may not be admissible as evidence in Court but it will come in handy if she files false charges against you, just play it back for the police when they come to arrest you.

 

As I said in an earlier post, you are now in the way of her happiness with other man. She wants you gone, she wants you to help pay for the house and other man to move in. She is going to milk you dry so stop giving a sh*t about her, make the affair a bad place to be. The way to do that is hurt her financially, remove her from credit cards, change your banking immediately by taking half the cash(she is entitled to half the cash legally) and starting a new account that she can not access. All your new deposits will now go to that account. Make her pay for her half of all the bills and document any that she doesn't pay so you can be reimbursed from the sale of your home. Do not finance her affair, document any costs associated with it such as hotel bills, dinners they have together, gifts she buys him, bar bills and have those items deducted from her side of the equity.

 

To her you are now the enemy. She discus's everything with other man and together they plot against you. It is two against one. The harder the affair becomes the faster the fantasy implodes. You need to ask yourself, do you really want her back? She is tainted and nothing coming out of her mouth can be believed. Protect yourself friend. She doesn't want a lawyer involved because she will lose control. You need to take back control, file a restraining order on other man.

[Man Mountain Makino]

This is where things got intense. She insisted that she was not moving out and that she would even bring the OM over to make it uncomfortable for me. She also threatened to make the divorce ugly and would insist on alimony. We had initially discussed an amicable split up and we would just divide things evenly and move on. She doesn't want the high cost of lawyers and didn't want any alimony. I also don't think we can afford them. My questions are this. How should I handle the threat of her bringing over the OM. Also, I would like to just split things evenly and reduce our cost without attorneys as I don't think we can afford it either. How should I handle the alimony/lawyer threat?

You're at war now, whether we like it or not. Go see a lawyer right away and prepare yourself.

[aliveagain]

Alright all, I really could use some help. After spending the night away from the house while she figured things out, she went it and brought the guy back drunk at 3am. This effectively left my dogs with my sister in law who is temporarily staying at my house. I returned to the house and told my wife that I will be living there (I didn't mention anything about what she did while I was away). I told her that either she can move out or we will have to live separated in the house. I also mentioned that we should separate our accounts now and that we should get a lawyer.

 

This is where things got intense. She insisted that she was not moving out and that she would even bring the OM over to make it uncomfortable for me. She also threatened to make the divorce ugly and would insist on alimony. We had initially discussed an amicable split up and we would just divide things evenly and move on. She doesn't want the high cost of lawyers and didn't want any alimony. I also don't think we can afford them. My questions are this. How should I handle the threat of her bringing over the OM. Also, I would like to just split things evenly and reduce our cost without attorneys as I don't think we can afford it either. How should I handle the alimony/lawyer threat?

 

Tell her that as a grown woman she is free to see other man(not in your home) that there is nothing you will do to stop her, she just can't do it as your wife. The choice is hers.

[drifter777]

I hope you understand that it's game on! Run to a lawyer, tell him what's going on and what you want to do about it. He'll help you get it done. You should be able to get a 14-day ex parte restraining order today and I'm sure your lawyer will tell you if this is something you should do.

 

Forget the 180 - it's too late for any thoughts about doing anything to keep your marriage. Anyway, a restraining order and divorce filling would be part of any 180 plan in order to shake her out of the fog. What she is doing is right now is way past WW fog. She's done with you and I hope you understand that and start protecting yourself. Please take this as serious as she is and get moving right now. All her words are false bravado - she's trying to bluff you into doing something stupid. Rise above it and do whatever your lawyer tells you to do.

[oldshirt]

Simple.

 

Let her know if the OM steps foot on your property you will have him arrested for trespassing.

 

Meet with a lawyer for advice.

 

Split finances today.

 

And please a recorder on you at all times before she gest you arrested under fake charges.

 

If your kids are in the house the OM should never be there at this time.

 

Period.

 

Does her family know what she is doing? About the affair?

 

If not tell them.

 

 

This ^^^^^^^

 

 

And also stop talking to her about it. Stop trying to get her buy-in and agreement. Get a lawyer yesterday and just start doing everything you need to do to protect yourself, your home, your kids and your assets.

 

Don't talk to her about it, just do what your lawyer tells you and do what you have to do.

 

 

This drama that you had is what people meant when they have told you that you can't be nice and 'nice' you way out of this. You are going to have to be strong and do what you have to do to protect what's yours even though it will upset her and make her mad and probably cause her to do bad things.

 

Her emotional state and bad behavior will be on her. It's your job to protect your interests, not protect her feelings or keep her from acting worse.

[oldshirt]

Simple.

 

Let her know if the OM steps foot on your property you will have him arrested for trespassing.

 

.

 

And don't even bother telling her you will call the cops for him trespassing if he shows up again - just do it.

[dichotomy]

I say this with some hope for you - but I suspect your going to get you a$$ handed to you - its already starting.

 

Bring OM to the home? Just you wait for what she does to you next.

 

Today is Monday. If you have not met with a lawyer by the close of the week- you deserve what you get. Tough love - Trying to help you.

 

She will get a lawyer - even a basic one will make her see dreams of $$$$$ out of this.

[lolablue17]

Everything that happened until now is not your fault!

 

But every thing will happen from now on, is your fault only! Because you don't see a lawyer. She will fry you as if you are a piece of potato. Of course she doesn't want lawyers, because now she can do what ever she likes as if it's the wild wild west.

 

You're not in her league when it comes to manipulations.

 

GET A LAWYER TODAY!!

 

GET A GOOD ONE!

[oldshirt]

Everything that happened until now is not your fault!

 

But every thing will happen from now on, is your fault only! Because you don't see a lawyer. She will fry you as if you are a piece of potato. Of course she doesn't want lawyers, because now she can do what ever she likes as if it's the wild wild west.

 

You're not in her league when it comes to manipulations.

 

GET A LAWYER TODAY!!

 

GET A GOOD ONE!

 

 

 

Yes ^^^^^^^^^^^

 

You have been informed of what the score is. If you do not stand up and fight for your rights, what you have coming to you will be of your own doing.

[No Limit]

Your wife is using cheater 101 on you because you're threatening her fantasy, you meanie you!

 

Anyway, luckily that makes her behavior predictable. While you cannot throw her out, you can always call the cops on him - but don't use the route "Well, I can make it uncomfortable for him too!"; the moment you so much as twitch your little finger she has something in court against you.

 

Also, don't believe anything like "he's just more independent and mature than you" etc, she's just blameshifting. Since she can't go live with her OM chances vary from he's married to he lives with his mother.

 

Again, get a lawyer, you can't handle it without court action with someone like that. The only way you could avoid court would be to give her any amount of alimony she wants and leaving her the house, and I promise you next to sentimental value you might connect to your home, even in the financial aspect a lawyer will be cheaper than that. And if she can't even afford her own home, chances are she's going to approach you about it on her own in time.

 

For the time being - just in case she tries to pull of the plan B stunt on you; act civilly towards her, no more, no less. No activities together, not even when she invites/initiates. You two don't have children together, the moment she's out of the house there's no reason to keep in touch with her. Everything she has to say to you she can tell your lawyer, the rest isn't of importance anyway.

 

Also, don't lose your pokerface. She's going to try to provoke you as good as she can; making you sound like the bad guy to outsiders, showing OM around. Don't let that get to you. Don't rank her as "wife" but "sex toy".

 

And by all means, if you read this; get the hell out of your chair and get your money in a seperate bank account before she clears it out.

[bigman1]

OP, here is the answer to her "threat". Ask her how much she thinks that the OM will stick around when you are home? Bring him home but he is gonna have a hard time keeping it up with me knocking on the door, making noise and being an ass in general. You have to let her know that you are going "jihad"over this. If sh[t is gonna get blown up, then you are gonna make sure it gets blown the **** up!!!

 

Alimony? Fine. Legal fees, High as they can ****ing get! Meaning it and saying it are two different things. Give her that look and tone that you have when she knows that you are serious. Every spouse knows when the other one is SERIOUS. Give her that look, that tone and let her know that the only way to reclaim your manhood is go nuclear so that when folks hear the story they won't look at you like some poor cuckold whose wife banged another man in his bed and in his face and then got the house. They are gonna look at you like the man who would rather live in a box under a bridge just so his cheating wife couldn't get one dime.

 

You don't have to be serious, and you will in fact be very surgical in how you divorce. She just needs to believe that you don't give a flying **** and plan on ruining her relationship with this douche, her reputation, and her credit because you don't give a damn. Trust me when I say this, a man with no hope is a dangerous mother ****er. If she believes you to be that man, and if he believes you to be that man, then you are winning the mind game. Then, hire the best lawyer you can afford and follow their advice.

 

I have been in the legal field for decades and I can tell you, when the other side believes that your client does not give a rats ass, they adjust their strategy. Look how she made you blink.

[aliveagain]

Friend, step back from the line of fire, think about your situation, your "wife" is actively dating another man. You can't control her so your only real option is to remove yourself by any means out of the infidelity she has placed you in. Start the paperwork, it takes time to divorce and should she wake up in the process you still have the option to stop the process anytime up to the final decree. If she doesn't than your out of her mind fu*k sooner and can move on with your life. Do not allow her to abuse you any further than she already has.