not coping, why do I even care?

[heartbroken1357]

Some of you may have read my posts this last couple of months to summarise:

 

I was seeing this girl I met through mutual friends for little over a month,

she seemed crazy about me, things happend fast and I missed a lot of red flags.

I didn't think anything was going to come of it, I'd been single for a year and I

was in a good place, I was actually happy for what felt the first time in years.

 

A month into our 'thing' she goes away for a week, we spend the entire weekend together

before she leaves, meal out passionate sex, she is upset when she has to go

but promises me that I have nothing to worry about her being away

and all week she would constantly contact me upset with missing me.

 

This all changed within 48 hours and she ends it's via text saying she doesn't want

a relationship things happend to fast and that she needs to be on her own.

that's she's really sorry and I did nothing wrong.

 

for the next few weeks she throws me bread crumbs, texts me likes my

photos and status on social networking, while she supposedly wanted 'space'

 

a month later she sends me a text saying if I want answers I can have them

but she was protecting my feelings, she was pregnant with my child

and she had booked in the abortion and was set on it without even telling me.

 

I was supportive of her through the whole process, and would of stood my her either way.

She's since been and seen me and said she can't regret this decision and we can't be togetherdespite her saying we could try again in the future multiple times before I knew

about the pregnancy.

 

I just feel numb she's gone on seemingly happy blocked me of Facebook, probably because

I removed her from all social media and said I needed to do it to move on.

 

she has thrown me too a curb couldn't care less made it all about her

and came round the other week to 'clean the air' more like alleviate her guilt..

if I had of cheated abused or if we argued I could understand, but she even said I did nothing wrong and it wasn't that I wasn't good enough.

 

It's been 2 months since the split and it feels like it was yesterday, ive started eating well again and have returned to work after 5 weeks off, I don't want to feel depressed,I want my old self back but I think about her every day, cry myself to sleep, I feel consumed with guilt for what she went through and the what ifs.

 

this is the 4th timr I've had my heart broken at 24 and everyone all my friends around me

have established relationships some of them don't seem strong at all, one has even cheated and the other argue all the time, yet I was good and did everything I could.

 

I'm young, healthy, have my own place a good career and have the utmost respect for women yet they always leave or hurt me, and I'm starting to think it's me.

 

I've started to hate myself, why do I even care about her after the way she has treated me?

[Reels]

Because you are not yet prepared for another relationship. You need to take some more time.