accident_prone Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 thanks in advance to any replies/advice. been dating a girl for 6 weeks now. im 26 and she is 23. started out just seeing each other once a week and then the past couple weeks have been averaging twice a week. we have nearly opposite schedules but we've worked it out. all of our dates have gone really well and each has been fun and different but nothing has felt forced whatsoever. here's where i'm confused a little. i like this girl a lot and every time we're together she is very affectionate and we get along great! but when we're not together we barely speak. i'm always working during the day and she works mornings and is asleep by the time i'm off but we've managed to pretty much text at least once a day (to exchange pleasantries, to quote her) from the start. i know its not the ideal form of communication but it is better than none. it has been about 40/60 as far as initiating said pleasantries goes, with me doing the 60. and our conversation is rarely lively, not at all matching what we have in person. its strange to me i guess. this week has been the busiest and we've been unable to see each other at all and talked very little which is a bummer. yesterday i was busy most the day and didnt get a chance to even message her and never heard anything from her either but then we spoke a little today and it seemed okay. i've dealt with similar in the past and things ended up deteriorating slowly seemingly out of nowhere so i am a bit paranoid now i guess and dont want her to fade out since we're so busy right now. i am not in need of constant contact but i guess i thought 6 weeks in, there would be more contact effort on her part? thanks for reading my nonsense.
Gloria25 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I don't see anything odd with the level of communication and your schedules - but then I'm not your average chick... In the beginning stages of a RL, I guess you need a certain level of communication as a measure of interest and to develop a connection - but then again, cuz of the lifestyles you two live, I don't see how the level of communication you two have is gonna get any better. Also, cuz of your schedules, I wonder if more than 6 weeks will be needed to gauge her interest cuz you guys barely have time to see each other in person.
losangelena Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I had about that level of contact with the guy I'm seeing at about six weeks. I too thought it was a bit weird, but now, at 12/13 weeks, we're texting everyday. It helped that we had the Thanksgiving weekend to spend almost the entirety of with each other, though. Texting it weird. It's not a great medium, but it is better than nothing. If I were you, I'd do two things—focus on the time you do spend together, as you say it's good and she's affectionate; also, ask her if she feels comfortable with a greater amount of communication between dates. Everyone's communication styles are different, so she may be comfortable where they are and not know that you'd feel more connected with more. You'll never know if you don't ask.
GemmaUK Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I like the sound of this! You're both busy but are clearly considerate of each others time and plan dates around your lives - maybe not this last week but sometimes things do just get busy. Sounds like she is not much of a texter, like me. It can soak up time. Plus if you start a text convo you kinda have to be available enough to keep it going that day rather than reply the next day. Your dates all sound good so as long as you are opening up and getting to know one another as well as having fun then it all sounds perfectly healthy to me.
Author accident_prone Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 well she just cancelled our dinner plans for tonight without offering an alternative. after not seeing each other for a week and she was seemingly excited about it before on Friday when we made them. everything has been great up until this point and now this flaky behavior. should i just back off or what?
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 It's obvious, with your opposite schedules, it's impossible to get the level of attention required for a relationship.....I bet money on it she has met someone else that has a more open schedule. Tip: never expect someone you are first dating is exclusive to you. It's very possible she had her options open. Back off, and date others. If she contacts you again fine, go out again.
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 well she just cancelled our dinner plans for tonight without offering an alternative. after not seeing each other for a week and she was seemingly excited about it before on Friday when we made them. everything has been great up until this point and now this flaky behavior. should i just back off or what? I wouldn't call seeing each other once or twice a week, very little texting, one sided initiating, lame messages, as "great". You are ignoring the red flags because she love bombs you with affection when you are out together.
Author accident_prone Posted December 8, 2014 Author Posted December 8, 2014 the past week has been off for us cause it is her finals week though i'm not dense enough to not understand there may be more going on. and she bailed tonight cause she works super early which tomorrow which is understandable but i also feel is a lame excuse. 6 weeks in and having never had any serious relationship talks (neither of us are in a rush for that) i never expected exclusivity or anything, just expected a reciprocation of effort. i mean i know girls want to be chased and all but idk. we spoke a few minutes earlier about her cancelling tonight cause she thought i was pissed but i told her i wasnt. she made it a point to say that we are on the "same page and to just go with the flow" so i feel that she may have somehow felt some unintended pressure from me and backed off a bit. we'll see i guess. i am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and continue forward and see what happens. but i'm certainly going to back off a bit and see if it makes any difference.
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