going Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I’m in a really difficult spot. I’m a 37 M in a relationship on it’s final stretch. I have a 6 F daughter and we live together with my girlfriend. Just last week, my girlfriend “S” shared with me that she’s no longer interested in continuing the relationship. I’m really taking this hard. Perhaps for a few reasons… I divorced my daughter’s mother when she was only a few months old. The divorce was highly contested and strung out over 18 months. The costs both financially and mentally were exorbitant. I’ve never fully recovered. My trust for people is shot. I’m not able to be open and love from my heart. I’m distant and protected. My business is suffering and has dried up. I’ve been without money coming in for over a year. My self-esteem has really bottomed out. I do not really blame S for wanting to end the relationship, it just seems really difficult for me to imagine a way to pull myself back together. S has stated that she wants the relationship to end. I was upset and tried to further discuss, but she seems quite uninterested in the possibility of ‘giving me one more chance.’ She mentioned that her intention was to wait until after the holidays, but was persuaded by her therapist to go ahead and not drag it out… yet after more discussion (my lead) she is stating that while as of now, it’s over and she does not feel that time will make any difference, she is willing to stick it out through the holidays and try. I’m so darn anxious and confused about all of this. I suppose I can see that she is done, but here I am holding on to this glimmer of hope. I’m afraid that she is just being kind and really doesn’t want to try. Will I be a better person for trying to save the relationship or just walking away and giving her want she wants?
The Poster Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 The problem is there really isn't anything you can do to save the relationship. It has to be up to her and she seems like she's made up her mind already. As painful as it is, your best bet it to honor her wishes and let her go. Fighting is admirable, but it won't get you far at the moment. Of course, anything can happen in the future, but you need to let her be and start healing. Good luck to you.
flightplan Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Take this in the spirit intended, but you have no business being in a relationship. You and your daughter are number one... and until you get your act together financially and your emotional past is dealt with, then you are doomed to fail in any mature, significant, emotionally stable relationship. Instead of worrying about yourself and your soon to be ex, how about focusing on your child and her needs and what she may be going through watching her father be depressed over a woman who really doesn't want to be involved. I'm sorry if this sounds aggressive, but I have a daughter and it pisses me off to see a grown man wallow in self pity at the possible expense of a daughters emotional needs from her father. Grow up, walk away from this woman.... no wait... RUN away from this woman, kick her to the curb... and then go hug your daughter and tell her everything is going to be ok and make it the best Christmas you can for her. Arrgghh..... 1
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