falling in love can make you calm

[amkxoxo]

So I read this article the other day and it intrigued me. It was about how people with neurotic behaviors tend to even out and become more steady when they fall in love. Do I think I'm neurotic? No. But I find myself very type A and I can get a tad high strung and overwhelmed/anxious.

 

The article explains that falling in love gets the person to focus more on the person they love and not on the bad. It makes the person more mellow and open to trying new things they normally would be very type A about. This person brings them back down to earth and more living in the moment. The person keeps them less overwhelmed and more happy.

 

I found this interesting because I fell in love a little over a year ago and I felt that the guy I was with did d this with me. We had some issues that lead us not to work out, but I felt he gave me more happiness, freedom, and I cared less about what other people thought. I put me first. My time, energy, beliefs first when usually I am running around trying to please everyone. I felt like I was on this high of me. It was the notion that loving someone else so much made me realize that others probably don't love or consider me as much as I thought. I was less stressed and more willing to explore new things because of him. The problem was that my friends didn't take too well to my slightly new persona. They were negative about me doing for me and not being there for them as much as I normally was. In that sense I took negatively to their negativity and spite because I felt they weren't supporting me and my happiness. I have gotten a lot of my old personality back since I have been single for a long time now, but I feel like I have evolved more from the other traits I took on when I was in love. It kind of scares me to be in love again because I'm afraid I will lose friends.

 

Any thoughts on this??

Edited December 7, 2014 by amkxoxo

[d0nnivain]

Falling in love always gave me a dizzying sensation. Being in love gives me a calm feeling. After I got married I truly felt a sense of peace.

[Frank2thepoint]

The problem was that my friends didn't take too well to my slightly new persona. They were negative about me doing for me and not being there for them as much as I normally was. In that sense I took negatively to their negativity and spite because I felt they weren't supporting me and my happiness. I have gotten a lot of my old personality back since I have been single for a long time now, but I feel like I have evolved more from the other traits I took on when I was in love. It kind of scares me to be in love again because I'm afraid I will lose friends.

 

Any thoughts on this??

 

Your "friends" aren't really friends, but users. They are selfish that only want you to support them. Their friendship comes with a price. You shouldn't be afraid to lose friends, because these unsupportive people are not friends.

 

Also, since you have evolved from the traits you've acquired during your time in a relationship, why can't you use that knowledge to change your outlook, to be calmer, not so anxious? The relationship you had gave you something to focus on. You are not in a relationship, but you can trick yourself by having that same focus, and staying positive.

[eye of the storm]

My ExH wanted me to make him happy. In the beginning I tried, God how I tried. But I now know that nobody can make you happy. That has to come from within. You need to be a healthy whole person first. Then you can be in a healthy fulfilling relationship.

 

If you need someone to mellow you out, when you are stressed, it becomes their fault.

 

But I will agree, when I am with my guy, I am more relaxed. Because I am with someone I trust and who I know has my back when stuff goes down. But I am also just as relaxed with my friends who I also know will be at my side no matter what.

[amkxoxo]

There are times when I am happy. I have a lot of great things going for me. I seem to be more self motivated when I have a guy in my life. I take more time to get in shape and look good for them. I want to be successful and I work harder to impress them. I go over and above for them. I am happy being this way. I do try and be perfect and be what I think they want. I can't help it. It just happens. I try so hard to not do it, and to be ore laid back and relaxed. Its a struggle to balance. Trying to be great and trying to not try so hard. I think deep down I am terrified that if they eventually see bad sides of me or aspects that they don't like they will leave me and hurt me badly. I think in a way I go over and above to please them and be the perfect girl so that if some of the bad creeps through, it won't be as bad since I do so much good. My ex left me anyway though. To work on his life, his career, his finances, to be a better man and boyfriend as he put it. He didn't want to put the effort into a relationship that he felt a relationship with me deserved. Man, that hurt. I don't date a lot but I feel like I have a missing piece sometimes and I think its love. My ex and I were good together and it was my first real experience getting that close to someone. At the end of the day he hurt me and I have some lasting effects from that, and I can't seem to shake them. I wish I could. I rarely fall head over heels for someone, like I did him. When I do, I tend to go all in. I start thinking of them and us and our future and how happy I am and I'm in a daze. Maybe I go over and above when I shouldn't but I want to make them happy because to me they are making me happy. I fought for me and my ex to work. We didnt. Thats ok. I miss him. I dated others, one of which was also great. Short but great until his work moved him away. I go into things with a romantic mindset. Like Oh today when I got to work I am going to meet the man of my dreams and he is going to be awesome. We are just going to click. I seem to get these moments when I meet guys. Like it clicks and I know I like them and need them. Other guys I feel forced or that they like me way too much and I pull away because the click isn't happening because of their immediate wooing of me. My ex says he has the click happen too. He told me that he liked me so much and he saw himself with someone like me but because he had so much going on in his life the click didn't happen with me. He kept saying that he hoped he woke up one day and I did click for him. Our story is more complicated but thats the gist. Clicking is stupid but it happens. Like with my ex, it was one day we were talking on a bus ride. When we happened to be riding the bus together we would chat sometimes. i never thought anything of it until we were having a good conversation and i told him we should exchange numbers. I didn't think of it in a romantic way at all. I just thought his roommates and my roommates and he and I could all hangout because it sounded like fun. Then he made the comment "wow its never this easy to just get a girls number" CLICK. It happened he was funny and I like him. Stupid I know. I then tried to start spending a lot of time with him to get to know him more and we talked about more in depth stuff and I really liked him.

 

As for the other friends thing I talked about. I did get rid of some of the friends. Some I saw as traitors, some betrayed me by talking behind my back. I always do things with good intentions but one friend in particular hated me dating my ex because years before she briefly date him for a month or two. she would not admit her dislike for he and I but I knew she hated it because she rallied other friends behind her. Rumors were flying. My roommate who was also my best friend took her side against me. I trusted her. They talked behind my back. My roommate would spill details of what he and I did and said to this girl because she lived with me and saw it first hand. That was hurtful. I am bitter over it all. Slowly I am letting it go. I have to. Its not attractive. A lot of the info my roommate was "reporting" was misconstrued and exaggerated. Drama. And it wasn't true. After it all went down I became paranoid about the whole thing. I didn't know what friends knew what about me. Once in a while I still am paranoid. I have realized that my roommate wasn't a good friend and the girl she rallied with was not either. I dropped both of them. I am happier thought its awkward with many mutual friends. I have done my best to make it up to my still friends by being the best friend I can be, not knowing what they heard. The funniest thing of all is they all think I had sexx with my ex, but I actually didn't. That to me is gold and it makes me smile thinking about it.

 

I want to continue to work on me. I want to be happy, stable, a better friend, and in better shape. When I am at my peak. Busy, in shape, happy, not thinking about it great guys tend to come along. I want it to be soon but I can't push things.

Edited December 9, 2014 by amkxoxo

[SpiralOut]

If someone has some sort of anxiety problem, falling in love won't fix that. But I do think it's helpful to have someone in your life who loves you and accepts you. Just having that emotional support makes a big difference.

 

 

I'm more relaxed now that I'm seeing my guy. Like you, I had some bad experiences with friends and ex-boyfriends who didn't treat me well. It made me very suspicious of everyone for a long time. In fact I am still wary of people. Being with someone who truly cares about me, that I care about back, makes it easier for me to relax. Being around him makes it easier for me to trust people again because I see the good in him and he helps me to remember the good in me. But I still continue to work on myself. It's my responsibility to do that for myself, it's not something I would ever burden him with.

 

 

Keep working on yourself. You've got the right idea.

Edited December 9, 2014 by SpiralOut

[Thegreatestthing]

Yes definately,before I met my bf things were Erratic he made it all better,and even now talking to him calms me down.

I don't know how ,but this bf and my ex turn me into a very sweet,cheribum type of person.