Should I be feeling better then this?

December 7, 2014

Only 3 months in, and I still feel horrible. I had a decent day yesterday only to have vivid dreams about the ex girlfriend of 4.5 years(4 years living together). Makes my whole day miserable. I am currently moved back in with my rents and still am fairly young, just turned 27, but I am feeling stuck and have no clue how to move on. I am seeing a therapist, taking a class for work, trying to stay in shape(I was in better shape and healthier during my relationship), since the breakup I haven't been to the gym as much because of my lower energy levels and have not eaten as healthy as I usually do.

Sometimes I read posts on here about guys going on dates and meeting other women after a few weeks or a month after a breakup and here I am 3 months in and feel like I haven't made much progress at all. I don't even know where to begin to get dates or meet other women, I was with this girl since the end of college and I didn't have that much action in college either. I feel like I got lucky meeting this girl. Now that I am in "adult" life I don't even know what to do. It is making the process of getting over her harder because I know she has moved on I'm sure as she was getting close to a guy at work before we broke up. And she hasn't contacted me once since the break up other then sorting out the details regarding bills, accounts and such.

I guess I sit here now and wonder how I am going to feel better but sometimes I feel like it will take a long time. I am thinking of getting a 2nd job in a restaurant(I have a good full time job), just so I can meet some people and be in more of a social setting, not to mention a little extra money on the side. I feel like I am stuck because after work I just go home to my parents house and feel like ****. I also am interested in joining a kickboxing gym type workout to help push me back into better shape, and even some meetup groups. Meetup groups sound cool but also a little nerve-wracking. I wouldn't say I am shy but I am not the most outgoing person and sometimes have trouble meeting new people and stabilizing new friendships . Maybe it is because I was so wrapped up in my previous relationship. I feel like I have negative thoughts and it doesn't help me either. Is it just my mindset? Im confuzedddd.

Anyway, I feel stuck and am hurting over her still, feel like she has moved on and I am on a hamster wheel. What should I Do!!?!?!!?!!!

December 7, 2014

our situations are pretty similar. my girlfriend of 4 and a half years left me also. it's been about 7 months. you're experience is similar to mine. after 7 months i'm still having a hard time and i also lack social outlets. i have no idea what my ex is up to, but i'm willing to bet she's been casually seeing/sleeping with men for a while now. i really don't have a problem with that though.

i guess what i want to say is just hang in there and keep trying to find things that work for you. after 7 months i'm still not healed although i'm doing better than i was. also, don't worry about what she is doing. your only concern right now is yourself. get healthy and rebuild. be patient. love yourself. also, understand that what you are going through is normal. take as much time as you need just as long as you are making positive changes, working on yourself, and not dwelling.

December 7, 2014

You dated for 4.5 years. It's going to take longer than 3 months to feel better but you'll get there with some faith and some focus. As time goes on you'll have good days and bad days and slowly the good days will start outnumbering the bad.

Stay strong, keep pushing and keep moving forward.

December 7, 2014

And then I have dreams, sets me back so much. Vivid dreams about her. This is harder then I could ever imagine.

This feels like she died out of my life. One day she was my girlfriend soon to be engaged, next its like she died and ill probably never see her again. WTF its a nightmare

December 7, 2014

Yeah dude, 4.5 years is a loooong time. It is 100% understandable that you still miss this girl after only three months.

My two cents: Get that extra job, go to the kickboxing gym, and go to those meetup groups!

It is AWESOME that you are starting to make plans about how to move your life forward. All of the things you listed sound like great ways to meet people and make new experiences.

Truthfully, I think you know what to do, it's just hard to get started. Remember: You are young, motivated, intelligent, and clearly have a great capacity for love. By putting yourself out there you are going to find people who respect you, as well as gain more respect for yourself.

You can do it!

December 14, 2014

Yeah dude, 4.5 years is a loooong time. It is 100% understandable that you still miss this girl after only three months.

My two cents: Get that extra job, go to the kickboxing gym, and go to those meetup groups!

It is AWESOME that you are starting to make plans about how to move your life forward. All of the things you listed sound like great ways to meet people and make new experiences.

Truthfully, I think you know what to do, it's just hard to get started. Remember: You are young, motivated, intelligent, and clearly have a great capacity for love. By putting yourself out there you are going to find people who respect you, as well as gain more respect for yourself.

You can do it!

Well, id figure id throw in an update a week later. Wow honestly feels like a lot longer than a week. So I am trying to take it in small steps and figure out ways to improve my situation and get on with my life. I am holding off on the 2nd job for now. I ended up signing up for a boxing gym. Now this is not a gym where you go and fight people but its a boxing workout. I went in 2 days ago for my free trial n there were so many girls there lol. Not only that I got the hardest workout I have gotten since I played football. It was so intense but I felt so accomplished. I was in the best mood after the workout since I have been in the past 3 months. I went ahead n signed up for a full year, went again today n felt amazing after.

I was previously working out but I felt I didn't have much energy and was getting bored of my workout. This puts you in another zone n with 30 other people doing it with you while the trainers are walking around making sure you keep up, makes you focused n working hard. In 3 days this has made a big difference for right now. I still have a ways to go but for right now im gonna focus on work, these workouts n trying to expand my social circle.

Btw im not trying to promote but just wanted to say if ur in a rut n u want an ass kicking challenge u should try these gyms. The one I go to called title boxing club, they got like 100 locations in the US so look one up n see if there is one by you. It is sort expensive but I paid year up front n saved a little bit. I thought I was in pretty good shape but this is so intense it might just be the change you need!

Its working for me so far figured id share the advice!

December 24, 2014

I figured id update mostly because it helps just to type it out and get it out of my mind. I know everyone is going through the same thing in a different way or another but im sure we can all relate. Past few days I have been really down. A combo of dreams I have had/holiday season. Still been doin the boxing class which has been great for releasing stress and tension. Punching a bag helps release that built up anger. Anyway I just have been real down I guess its the rollercoaster of emotions. I still miss her like crazy. I have no potential dates or attractions. Still gonna be living at my parents for the foreseeable future. Trying to keep busy but just really lonely right now. Hard to imagine myself with someone else................. sigh................

December 24, 2014

OP, I feel your pain and I am very sorry you have to go through this but remember that it is the tough times in life that shape and mould our character and at every interval you have to just keep telling yourself that you might be sad, lonely, overwhelmed in the moment but you will come out on the other side ok. You have to believe deep down that you will be fine, it might take a while but you will be fine.

As far as the holiday season is concerned, its normal to feel a bit sad or even a lot sad. There is so much pressure to be merry and jolly around this time of year when the reality is usually far from it. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time and remind yourself that all will be ok.

December 25, 2014

OP - I feel your pain brother. It really sucks, especially this time of year. Like you, my ex and I also lived together. I think that adds another dimension to the heartbreak pain we are feeling. New Years day would have been 3 years for me and her. All I can think about is the past few Christmas's we spent together. Here I am, on Christmas eve, and I will be all alone without her. I have been having these dreams about her lately and they really don't help me at all. Anxiety is at an all time high too. I emailed her last week, and of course, I didn't hear back. But for some reason, I still have a huge urge to email her and wish her a merry christmas. God, I wish that I could just take some magic pill to wash away all of this pain.

Anyways.. just wanted you to know that I hope you have a good holiday and you are not alone with the pain you are feeling. We will overcome this. I promise.

December 25, 2014

OP, I feel your pain and I am very sorry you have to go through this but remember that it is the tough times in life that shape and mould our character and at every interval you have to just keep telling yourself that you might be sad, lonely, overwhelmed in the moment but you will come out on the other side ok. You have to believe deep down that you will be fine, it might take a while but you will be fine.

As far as the holiday season is concerned, its normal to feel a bit sad or even a lot sad. There is so much pressure to be merry and jolly around this time of year when the reality is usually far from it. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time and remind yourself that all will be ok.

Thanks for your reply. I know that I am a strong person but I am pretty surprised how much this is hurting. I think I am trying to accept the fact that it will take a while. Some days I just don't know what to think or feel. The pain hurts in my chest my head and overall just feel like ****. I am trying to do the right things to keep afloat, some days are still ridiculously hard.

December 25, 2014

OP - I feel your pain brother. It really sucks, especially this time of year. Like you, my ex and I also lived together. I think that adds another dimension to the heartbreak pain we are feeling. New Years day would have been 3 years for me and her. All I can think about is the past few Christmas's we spent together. Here I am, on Christmas eve, and I will be all alone without her. I have been having these dreams about her lately and they really don't help me at all. Anxiety is at an all time high too. I emailed her last week, and of course, I didn't hear back. But for some reason, I still have a huge urge to email her and wish her a merry christmas. God, I wish that I could just take some magic pill to wash away all of this pain.

Anyways.. just wanted you to know that I hope you have a good holiday and you are not alone with the pain you are feeling. We will overcome this. I promise.

Thanks for the reply. Yeah living together has really gone to my head, especially with the holidays here. I had another dream last night and some of these are so vivid waking up hurts. Its only been 4 months since the breakup. Actually its hard to believe cause that sounds like a long time but it only still feels like a few weeks for me. I feel like i should be getting better and not feel as bad after 4 months but i guess after 4 yrs living together maybe it will just take longer. These 4 months have sort of been a blur but it has been very lonely i can tell you that straight up. I know im not the only one i just dont know how we all deal with it, it feels overwhelming

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