vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I have been shaken up by the ordeal of the relationship I have gone through. We met via a matrimonial site. She was divorced earlier and this was my first marriage. Initially I was reluctant but soon I was attracted to her and we got to know each other. Parents talked. I was living outside US and was decently employed. She visited my country and I went and saw her at her parents house. Her father was an ex diplomat of my country and I was surprised when he booked a room for the both of us to spend time. Soon we got married. My father gave us jewellery worth more than $ 50,000. I learnt just before marriage that she was fired from her job because she left to get married and did not have enough days for leaves. Initially things were good. I took her to Seychelles, Italy, Switzerland, France and many other places. She was to come back to US after a family function at my side. After few months she came back and we stayed together for few months before my immigration to US got finalized and we came here. Immediately after coming here I got a job. She started a joint account depositing $ 25 and then all my salary would come in the joint account which she would use to shop and my salary will pay all household bills and often her expensive shopping via her credit card. She was a little crazy, for simple small things she used to get upset and would not talk for days. After coming to US she started behaving more strangely. She would drive to a far off mall and would leave me there and drive back and leave me shivering in the cold. She would abuse me financially and emotionally. I would be the one to clean all utensils and do all household chores while she would not even do simple things when I would ask her. Often she would demand lot of money from me telling me that she has done my immigration so I should pay her money. The jewellery that we gave her she kept in her mother's locker and whatever gifts we had from the marriage she transported those to her parents place. She also took away some jewellery that her parents had given me. She became pregnant and wanted to go back to her parents place to bear the baby so I made all arrangements to drop her to my country where her parents lived. I came back to US alone because I was still working and was paying the rent for her apartment and all household bills etc. She would call me in the middle of the night and abuse me for slightest of things and would keep a check on me for smallest of expenses. For example buying a sweater. In Jan this year our daughter was born and I went back to my country along with 2 bags full of gifts to see the mother and the child. I also gave her more than $ 5000. I was thrashed at her parents house. She told me that I should just leave. Her father told me that I have seen his good face and now he will show me his bad face. I was surprised and confused. Her father apparently had some business loss and was demanding money from me all this while. I asked my father to transfer more than $ 7000 to her mother's account. I was there for a month and then came back saddened. She had purposefully booked my return ticket on my birthday and when I landed I saw that she had withdrawn $ 7000 from our joint account and transferred the money to her account. I was depressed by the way this family had treated me and still tried my best to work things. I would call her and tell her to come back. I had married her for a life time but from their side it was all about money and extortion. Her father had behaved like her pimp. In July, I had a near fatal car accident and I was in the hospital for five days. After this I begged her to come back and help me but instead she demanded me that I should pay her $ 10,000 for the car damages. I had lost my job because I could not go to work for few days. I told her I cannot give her now and that she should give me some time for which she abused me and told me that my mother passed away ten years ago because God had punished me and that God is punishing me now too. I was so heart broken. My father came to help me after this accident. Some months passed and I found another job. In September, without my knowledge she came with her parents and stayed somewhere else and in October she did the most vindictive thing possible. We were given orders of protection and I was to vacate the apartment in 10 minutes. I was left homeless and my old father who came to help me was insulted. I went to a motel and in the next court date we were handed over child custody and child support papers. This woman and her family are extorting money from me in the name of child support now. I was still recovering after the shock of that accident and now I am going through so many court cases. She has abused the law that favors women to her advantage in multiple ways. Her parents are well to do and they are supporting her in all her misdeeds to extort money from me. In her previous divorce also, I got to know that she made lot of money via alimony and property settlement. Now she will misuse the child support money against me further and I would not be able to bear this situation. Already I am suffering from the multiple atrocities done by her pimp father on me. I might have to go back to my country because I cannot bear this situation. But in this process I will loose my daughter. She has already stolen her childhood from me. The biggest problem is they have employed tactics to extort money from me and are misusing law to cheat an honest and innocent man.
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 what should I do to get out of this situation?
Mi7522 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 what should I do to get out of this situation? Absolutely
Mi7522 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Anything but contact her. Are your losses and move on
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 I am not contacting her but what should I do with the child support orders of $ 1200 per month and the fact that I would be loosing my daughter and probably become a dead beat dad if I leave Also I might not be ever able to come back to US and see her as I will be owing too much for child support. In my country the salaries are not this high and I will never be able to afford paying $ 1200 from there
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 The system is bad. It is too much against the father. The woman can misuse the system to screw the man. I have seen many people contemplate suicide when they are in such a situation. Why does the law favor this woman and her family who have been such cheats and thugs. Her father knew all the time that this woman cannot work and earn her living. They duped an honest man like me to give into marriage and then bear child to get child support for 21 years. These days such women can do anything and get away with it.
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Is there any law that can prevent this from happening?
CarrieT Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Is there any law that can prevent this from happening? Apparently not. This is why there are condoms. You were being extorted and manipulated before you had children. $1,200 in child support is not unreasonable. The rest of your tale and the amount of money they got from you was an early sign you did not heed. Get divorced ASAP and look for a good lawyer for partial custody. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Apparently not. This is why there are condoms. You were being extorted and manipulated before you had children. $1,200 in child support is not unreasonable. The rest of your tale and the amount of money they got from you was an early sign you did not heed. Get divorced ASAP and look for a good lawyer for partial custody. Seriously get a lawyer. 1
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Should I go back to my country and file for divorce where it will be cheaper. Now I have too much anxiety. My future is in jeopardy and that woman seems like is bent upon ruining my life. The reason for her previous divorce was abandonment and with me too she did the same - left me since Nov 2013. I am genuinely concerned about the future of my daughter. She will manipulate her too. She is a total control freak and will not let the child develop. This family is only concerned with money and they have used marriage and child to get money.
dreamingoftigers Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Can you not fight for custody? I am totally confused, why are these people actually very upset with you if you've been givibg thrm money? Did you leave/abandon your wife and daughter?
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Their whole motto was that I should keep on giving them money. Her father has planned it that way. He suffered some business loss and wants more and more money and is using her daughter to get money. They are not concerned what will happen to my daughter and they have tried to alienate me from my daughter. Their only interest is money. Their plan was to get as much money from me as possible and then leave me and find another innocent man to get money. Its a classic case of money extortion only the means is marriage of their daughter to educated men. Her previous husband was also well qualified and they used him to get her citizenship in US and then alimony. Then they abused marriage again and married her to me - their only motive was to get money from her husbands.
ktya Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 This is unfortunately all too common in the western world. Although i must say it is rare for the whole family to be in on such a blatant exercise. Get a good lawyer. Get together all of the receipts for the thousands upon thousands you transferred or gave to her and her family and get them to your lawyer. Also get some proof of the thousands in jewelery given my your parents. From the sounds of it, this woman has already taken years worth of child support from you, you may be able to defer payment for a while. If he support payments are breaking your back you may just want to leave the country. Good luck getting access to your daughter from these people. The best you can hope for is to leave ye country and stop paying, and when they realize the daughter is not a ticket to cash they may just give her to you. 2
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Yes they are abusing child support to their advantage. Her father has acted like her pimp and they are shamelessly making money via marrying their daughter to innocent men like me. The biggest problem is that law is on the woman's side, in the court it is easy for them to prove that the father has to support the child and the child custody should be given to the mother. They dont know how they have misused the system to their advantage. I am not well established here and am living paycheck to paychecck. With so much expenses on the lawyers and court fees I cannot sustain here and might have to go away which is one of their agenda to make me look bad in the eyes of my daughter. This family is like a gang of crooks who loots money by misusing the establishment of marriage. Law should be aware of how such women are misusing it to harass men. All court orders have such a language - that if you dont pay your license will be cancelled, you will be put in jail, this that will happen. Do I deserve such language when I was the one who was abused emotionally and financially.
dreamingoftigers Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 you keep saying how "the law says this" "the law is flawed" her father is a pimp." etc. I hear your frustration and it is not okay to use marriage to extort money. However, you don't have legal representation and you are in your home country without your daughter, no? What are you doing to fight for your daughter, research your options or get representation? Sure they are "turning her against you." What are you doing as a father to be present and protect her? When is the last time you have seen your daughter? As far as I know, you have parental rights.
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 I have not gone and have hired a lawyer who is going all guns blazing in the protection order case. There is child custody child support case too which I will also fight. I have a job here at present and my employer is already upset because of my court dates. I might not be able to give them a fight. They have a lot of money and are using all of their resources to fight against me. Lawyers are expensive and I cannot do child support, lawyer fee and rent an apartment all at the same time. I will fight for the custody too but the child is only 11 months old and 90 % of the cases the child goes to mother. I don't want to run away and want to support my daughter but I am dangerously close to running out of means to fight this battle.
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 How do I deal with this situation
dreamingoftigers Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Keep fighting, document everything. Seems that you are more upset about the money than wife or child. When is the last time you have seen your child?
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 I am concerned about my daughter very much and she will misuse the money against me I saw her about 3 weeks back because of the protection order there is this supervised visitation that I have to go through and that is also very expensive. I dont know what to do
CarrieT Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I dont know what to do Do you have a lawyer yet? THAT should be your first step.
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Yes I have a lawyer and he is earning $ 300 per hour from me while I earn less than 1/6th of that watch this video I am really scared
Author vkp924 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Any good lawyers you know in Westchester NY
Author vkp924 Posted December 13, 2014 Author Posted December 13, 2014 We are both originally from India
Satu Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 (edited) I think that you should end all direct contact with them that doesn't involve arranging access to your daughter. If you can arrange those visits through a third party, do so. They seem to have zoomed in some vulnerabilities you have, and are consciously and successfully using them against you. Don't let them do that. Be strong. Edited December 13, 2014 by Satu 1
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