It just doesn't make sense

March 21, 2005

Just a question to ask why in the hell I am always hurt by guys.

maybe I just pick the wrong ones to mess with, but it's like they just flock to me. They act all cool and nice for a while, then all the sudden it turns to ****. Then there is more stress to deal with. I am so tired of guys. Maybe since me and my dad don't get along well, it makes it worse. Probably. I think that maybe I have some distorted view of relatoinships and how they work, I just know that I am supposed to be treated well. Maybe I am too pushy. I just wish I knew why this guy just quit talking to me. He said it was cause I called him too much and got mad over everything. I tyhink that was a ****ed up thing to say to me, when I am sweet actually. Everyone says I am so pretty and that I look like Paris Hilton (some folks may not think she is that pretty though, lol) I just don't know why all my relationships aren't lasting long at all anymore and no matter what precautions I try to take at first, I get hurt. It is not so much that a guy leaves anymore, it is the actual fact of him wanting to leave and me stressing out and getting upset. I have WAY too much other things to grieve or worry about without a guy adding to it. I am just wondering if maybe it is me or if it just happens to be the guys I pick? I don't know.

Just cause I want to be around my guy when I am with someone, it's like the lasty one got all pissed and stuff and said that was immature. I don't know if he was just being an ass and was just trying to use me or if maybe I did screw something up. I haven't talked to him in almost 2 days, so maybe he'll call.

Why do I always fall for it though? Hell, the last guy kept telling me he loved me after like 1 week, lol. I told him no he didn't and it pissed me off cause I figured he was thinking I was dumb and could throw me a line like that and then I would be his "bitch" ya know?

I don't think so. Then again, I am jsut wondering if maybe he just thought I didn't really like him and ???????????

I don't know, I just don't see why if I am so pretty why am I having all this trouble with males and relationships?

I wonder if the guy is gonna call me anytime soon. Someone said they know him like the back of their hand and if I give him a couple of days, he'll call, for me to just act like I don't give a ****. Well, I guess I should, cause when I acted like I did care(I thought I was supposed to after he got weird acting after that"love" talk) then it made things worse. It is probably too late anyways, I son't want to talk to any guys for a long time. I am tired of being hurt and my head ****ed with, cause that's all that obviously happened. I think he really might have liked me at first. I don't know what happened. I knew as soon as he started saying he loved me, I was in trouble. I knew something bad was gonna happen. But what did I do?

I just wish I could stay away from guys like that if I could only s pot them. They trick me everytime. I just had to vent cause I feel like I am about in tears right now. It totally SUCKS! THanks for listening to this long draggin post. lol

March 21, 2005

Try not to find your happiness in a guy...You can't revolve your life around a man..He needs to revolve around you...Give yourself some credit, give yourself some importance and show men you don't need them...If you make a guy feel insecure he'll be all over you like beans on white rice...!!! You can't find your answers asking why, you need to ask yourself what?, what is it that I want in a man??...what do I want in a relationship?...and if he ain't giving it to you let him go...Don't torment yourself in asking why you have such luck...the problem is maybe you're looking to much in the wrong places...

I completely understand what you want...to spend time with your man...what girl doesn't!! But I realized the more I give my bf space the more he wants to be with me and I make him wonder why doesn't she want to be with me??? I put questions into his head not doubts just make him question himself...Men hate to be confused and I love confusing them...

March 21, 2005

Maybe I should have just given him his "space" that he asked for. I didn't know what he meant though, if he were trying to tell me somethgin or if he just really needed space for a little bit. But Gosh, after him coming on so strong, it made me confused when he acted like that. I guess I messed up by getting upset in front of him and calling. That was a dumb move. From now on, I won't give a rat's ass what a guy thinks or I won't feel it's my fault. And you know what, if this guy does call wanting something more again, I might tell him to kiss off, that he had his chance. I am not going to be controled and bossed around by some guy who doesn't know wha the **** he wants. I deserve to treated right and fairly, not mess with a wishy washy guy or something or have to play games.

March 21, 2005

Their you go...Give yourself the respect you deserve and if next time a guy ask you for space..take as a hint to slow down..maybe your expecting to much to soon...just let it flow and everything will just come together...remember you can't rush love

March 21, 2005

NSN, do you think it is too late? I did talk to him last night for a minute, he answered. When I told him I would let him go, he said"No, what's up?" We talked for a minute then let each other go. SO do you think I messed up by calling last night? I guess I just need to move on to the next loser.

March 21, 2005

you are right. walk away from men for a while. try it for a week. keep a journal. send postcards to everyone you know.

do something funny. just make sure it is what you want to do. something where you dfeel as though it is for your enjoyment and you do not have to impress anyone.

focus on yourself. for a day. a week. a month.

it does not make sense for two reasons:

you have alot going on in your head and the guys are making more noise and you want them to reduce the noise that is already there. they are an escape for you and they either do not know or do not understand. and they all think they have to be cool because they are insecure. look for the things that you want. someone that talks to you like a normal human being. asks you questions and listens to the answers. someone that keeps quiet. someone that dances. someone that spoils you. someone that plays cards. just know what it is and get that.

you have got to stop analysing so much. if you do not get along with your father then reach out to him. watch a game. ask him how he is. tell him you are worried that you do not get along and it is past the point of teenage angst. he may find it strange at first but once you starat talking then it will become clear.

it just sounds as though you are having trouble breathing. as though there is a weight that you cannot shake off. it will be fine. you just need to know that the men you are meeting are not helping. and the first thing people in your life should do is make life better.

there is one more thing: whether you know it or not you deserve happiness. you deserve peace. you should not be sad and frustrated. you should be smiling. the men you meet should want to make you smile. and maybe giggle a little. the point is it sounds like you are meeting men who do not know what they want to do or how to do it. you are strong. you need strong people.

March 21, 2005

NO..it's not to late..In what terms did you guys end in??? I

March 21, 2005

Well, I ended up crying over at his house. Ok, when he said we should be friends, he was sitting there and he said"Ya know, I really like you, U just can't be with someone who has to be stuck up someone all the time" and I said"Fine, I don't care....so this means I can talk to other guys?" and he sadi"Oh so it's like that?" and I was thinking, "Well, what the hell?" Not that I wanted to talk to other guys, it's just that he said all that. Then, I realized the only reason he said we should just be friends, is so that that way Iwouldn't expect him to be with me all the time but we would still be in touch or whatever, and I know cause it bothered him what I said.

Anyways, I ended up crying and getting ill and just leaving, althought he asked if he could still call me and I was like"no, why, so you can get a piece of a$$?" He was like "what?" And so I don't know. I know that he did really like me, I just don't know if I have pushed him away or changed his mind or what. I hope not. I just got upset cause I am going through some stressful times and I didn';t need more from him. I guess we should have just slowed down, he didn't mean anything bad by it. Now I don't even know what he wants to do really. I think he may still be interested, I just don't know. I kinda wish I wouldn't have called, but then again I think it was ok last night. I won't call anymore til he calls me though. I hope I don't miss his call, sometimes the caller ID isn't plugged in. lol

My cell phone doesn't always have minutes on it either.

I don't know. I just wonder if he misses me and stuff like that or if he just doesn't even wanna bother.

What do you think?

March 21, 2005

you need a vacation as far away from that manipulative fool as possible.

you are right to want to get away and keep men at a distance. stick with being strong.

March 21, 2005

I think you're over reacting...The reason he wanted to stay in contact is because he wanted to see if you weren't so possessive of him and let him breathe a little...By talking to you as friends maybe his interest will grow and that way he gets to know you with no commitment if he realizes he's not into you in that way...A man needs time to think but also needs assurance from the woman's part...Don't be so obsessed with having him by your side...Just think if he's not with you and he really does like you he'll miss you and want to see you...But you have to give him the opportunity too miss you, you get it?! Don't revolve your happiness around him, find happiness in you and some friend...Make him realize that you DON'T NEED HIM...MAKE HIM THINK HE NEEDS YOU!!!

March 21, 2005

Thanks, NSN and prisoner.

Why can't I realize these things? Its' like my head is just spinning!!

I'll be fine though.

Ok, so maybe me and this guy will work out? I just don't know if it is worth it anymore after all this. If he will treat me right and we can get things back on track, it might be good. MAybe I don't even need a relationship right now if I can't even handle it. I guess sometimes I have seen guys as an escape. That's exactly right, and they don't understand even if they do realize it. I did really start to like this last guy a lot, really I did. It seemed as though he could make me so happy. lol

Maybe he will understand and maybe we can work this out, if he still wants to.

I don't even know at the moment if he wants to. I think he does. I hope so, cause I think we would be pretty compatible. IF he would move past his stage of no contact and all the games.

I don't want to be stuck up him 24/7, I would just like to know he really cares and is not just doing all of this for his benefit. I would like to be able to trust him.

March 21, 2005

Then maybe he wouldn't think I get so upset so easily. Or whatever that mess he said was.

March 21, 2005

you are in some kind of spiral.

try and remember what your instincts are.

moving on now does not have to mean moving on fiorever. you need thoughtful and mature. may be he needs time to get there. put all your energy on him and you may miss the chance to relax and meet someone who has what you want.

no one is perfect but better than what you describe should be easy. oh and it is obvious that you are not crying about him.

March 21, 2005

He did say he likes me and that I am beautiful. I remember him saying that, almost like he was telling himself that. So, maybe he thought by us just being friends, I wouldn't feel the need to be "stuck up him" and we could still have something.

Why didn't I just take it for that instead of crying and getting all frustrated at him?

I just keep wondering if he even wants to try anymore. I don't know.

Maybe it's not even important to him now. I don't know. I won't call though anymore til I hear from him. And since I called last night(which was ok I guess) then that might delay his a phone call from him????

I hope it's not too late, cause I kinda think I was in the wrong for getting so upset and worried over us needing to slow down. That was my bad.

Either I will go with the flow, or maybe I am just supposed to be with someone else. Maybe all this crap happens for a reason, I just wish I could skip the drama of guys cause I sure don't need it.

Anyways, thanks yall for helping me put this in a clearer perspective. I should not depend on guys so much. I think I was doing good at first, then he started saying he loved me and all that and trying to make me go crazy over him probably so he could hurt me. That's what I am afraid of. I am so confused, but it will be ok.

Thanks again.

March 21, 2005

WOMAN..you need to get your thoughts together...calm down and stop thinking about it so much..Just let it be whatever happens happens...If you want to call him call him...if he calls you pick up...it's not that hard...just don't suffercate him and make it seem like he HAS to call you or talk to you in order for you to know he's interested or in order to make you happy...DON'T FIND YOUR HAPPINESS IN HIM...FIND IN YOURSELF...Then you can love and be loved...

March 21, 2005

Right.

I do need to do that. I need to stop thinking so much, even he said that the other night. I should not have worried so much about him wanting his space and all that. I just didn't want to be jerked around. Now that I don't think that was what he was trying to do, I can chill a little better. I guess me and him should just be friends, and if he comes on stronger again, I will tell him to stop. I can't allow myself to be upset over another thing, especially a guy right now.

As long as I know he was not trying to play with me.... the reason I was worried about it was because of what someone told me about him. I don't know whether to believe this person or not. It wasn't directly aobut me, it was about the guy in general. I was willing to give him a chance, and now I am just plain confused. No more worrying right now though cause I am gonna give him a chance to call me. If he doesn't call after like 3 or 4 days, that will tell me all I need to know. If he doesn't call me within that time period with me not calling him either, he must not be missing me too much. I guess we'll see in a few days.

Thanks again...

March 21, 2005

Prisoner, like you said, I am not crying about him. And you said he was a manipulating fool, and that's what I was afraid of to begin with. Someone told me he was like that. So when he started saying he loved me and bull**** and didn't even show me really, that's when I got upset cause I told him in a nice way he didn't love me yet and stuff. I think he was just saying that so that I would fall for him and all that and be his little bitch.

Some guys are like that.

I don't know if it is my fault, but I may have showed him I was a lot smarter than he thought I was....

So then he wanted to turn it around on me when he saw I might be too smart for his ****.

If I could only decide what to think. That's bad when you can't even decide how you feel about something.lol

March 21, 2005

I think that me trying to keep him at a distance(reasonable distance) was not wrong of me, although I thought at first I had done something wrong by that and that was the reason he was treating me this way. But for him to do this just cause I wanted him to be there for me and show interest and assure me of things after he kept asking me if I loved him(crazy) then it's not right. He should understand that I need him to show me and stuff. See, I really think he was just trying to manipulate me or use me or something. I feel so guilty, and I don't know why. Did I really do something? Maybe I should not have called him. I don't know.

This should not be so hard. It really shouldn't. At first, I was cool. Then he sarts asking me if I love him and he said he loved me then disappeared almost and said we needed to slow down. I thought I did something wrong. Even if I try to slow down, what if he is just using me and he keeps dragging me through this? I can't take it right now. I am too upset and stressed over other things.

I know, I have got to just chill and I have decided to say he can screw off and I need to forget he ever existed right now.

Atleast for right now.

March 21, 2005

you know yourself enough to understand that his words were just noise.

you know your self well enough to see that he wants something you are not willing to give. he wants you to be something you are not willing to be. you are not lost without him.

i hear anger. i hear pain. i hear regret. your guilt is coming from blaming yourself for other people's actions. stop that.

move on. today. now. he does not want what you want.

it is right for you to walk away and you should figure out how you are going to be able to tell the right guy from the wrong one.

what do you like? what do you hate? the point is that relationships are a tough and expensive way to find yourself.

do what NSN writes/suggests: find the happiness in you. he has nothing for you. except pain and misery i guess.

March 21, 2005

Think nothing can be more attractive to a guy than a young, independent, sassy woman and you become one when you respect yourself. In my experience the less i care about the guy the more he cares about me. Try to act like you don't give a s*** about him. Don't think about the whole thing too much. Act as if it's YOU who needs space,who values her freedom. You'r pretty right? so what the hell you can go out with any guy any time and if some bloke is not interested, well that's his loss. Feel like a queen. But actually very often it doesn't matter how pretty you are, it's the way you act which makes them run after or away from you, but if you are pretty it will give you extra confidence to act independent.

Also in general i would advice not to rush with physical contact. They value you more if you don't rush things (or rather not follow their speed). If you haven't been dating for a long time it's also much easier to break up if you didn't do it with him partly because you don't feel like you'v been used (at least in my experience).

When you go out for a long time with a bloke and you feel he's really into you, then you can change the rules. Then you can act (well hopefully you'l feel it too) like he is the only one who matters to you, then you become HIS but for now try to behave like you belong to yourself, like you don't need anyone..its them who needs you and honestly guys will then fight over to win you.

March 22, 2005

Thanks. I guess it doesn't matter that I am pretty, I guess I just turned this guy off or something. Maybe he never was into a relationship thing really, I don't guess I will really know for sure. Oh well, I just wish I knew what I did. Just cause I didn't tell him I loved him aqfter 2 weeks? Maybe he was just trying to use me.

I don't give a crap right now. I am about sick and tired of guys.

I can't stand how they act all sweet and all that bull crap. Then turn into losers and a**h***s.

March 22, 2005

ORRRR....

Maybe I just have a SUCK ASS personality....

That's what I feel like after dealing with these son of a bitches

Sorry ya'll... I am in a very bad mood right now

March 22, 2005

you cannot continue to hurt yourself because you know how you felt when someone told you they loved you.

if you saw through them then thatis a good thing and it proves that you are the strong one. you are the smart one.

you are the one who knows yourself. You do not need a guy for that. be in a bad mood. feel the pain. you will get over it and then you can

move on and next time you will tell them that you are not on this earth to play a game. if you wanted that you would go to toy store.

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