Ditching your date.

[losangelena]

That's what I consider clingy. It was our first date and he was all over me. Definitely not a man that I would ever be interested in.

 

I should have added more detail but I was really not looking for anything other than what to say to him.

 

I get it, but I think it would have saved you a lot of "you were so rude" replies if you'd added a little more detail in the beginning. I'm not harping on you, I'm just saying it would have been for YOUR benefit to have included more details, because instead of useful advice you just got a thread full of people telling you what a jerk you sounded like.

 

If you'd said up front that dinner had gone well but that he got inappropriate afterward or that you felt threatened, that would have elicited a much difference response (from me, at least). Suddenly, you bailing sounded more like a good idea than you being rude.

 

What you say is probably still the same though—accept his apology and say you're not interested.

[fred123]

real question is if you were into him you wouldnt have said ooo that guy is clingy? you would have allowed it to happen on a first date. imagine it was channing tatum or something this would be a completelty different thread!

[writergal]

That's what I consider clingy. It was our first date and he was all over me. Definitely not a man that I would ever be interested in.

 

I should have added more detail but I was really not looking for anything other than what to say to him.

 

By not adding that last bit about his behavior, you mislead with your OP. Your perception of touchy and clingy is far different than what actually was on his part, inappropriate touch.

 

Touchy and clingy is not the same as inappropriate touch. Getting drunk and fondling your breast and touching your legs is inappropriate behavior for a first date. Someone who is clingy / needy is someone who constantly contacts you or who literally will physically hang off of you. Someone who is touchy could be over-sensitive, high strung, or thin-skinned. Not in the physical sense.

 

Had you included in your OP that your date was a drunken letch, well you'd get far different feedback from posters. Always helpful to be honest when you post for feedback.

[doeblin]

That's what I consider clingy.

 

Clingy is when someone asks "How are you feeling yourself?" every 20 minutes, someone who texts you everyday to meet up.

def.: "To remain emotionally attached;" (via the free dictionary)

 

Usually it's best to stick to the dictionary definition when you communicate with people, you know.

 

This guy was not clingy, but a drunken sleazebag. This makes the whole case different.

Uninvited groping is not OK, and you never know how aggressive a strange drunk guy will be in the face of rejection, so I guess it's alright to ditch him without a word.

 

Text him "Not interested" and block him. That's all.

[elaine567]

Always helpful to be honest when you post for feedback.

 

Always helpful to change your story to something more acceptable, when you are being vilified for acting like a b*tch.

[GemmaUK]

I read 'super touchy' in the opening post to be touching too much or inappropriately.

 

 

Hence my previous reply.

[writergal]

Always helpful to change your story to something more acceptable, when you are being vilified for acting like a b*tch.

 

Well it makes no sense why the OP didn't just come out and say the guy was acting inappropriately at the bar in her first post. Makes no sense.

 

I actually had a guy ditch me on our first date when he said he had to go to the bathroom, and never came back. The thing is, he was a friend of my brother-in-law's and they both warned me ahead of time that if he said he had to go to the bathroom, that was code for "he's not interested" and will just leave. So about an hour into our date which was dinner, when he suddenly claimed he had to go to the bathroom, I said, "it was nice meeting you too!" and then called my sister who was with her husband at some bar, and told them he was probably on his way there to join them for a drink.

 

And guess what! He did! Lol! So my sister texted me and I drove over to the bar where they were at, and snuck up behind the guy who'd just ditched me, put my hand on his shoulder and said, "that was a long bathroom break huh! You owe me a beer for that dine and ditch!" He was mortified that I showed up, but I pointed to my sister and smiled. Obviously, we got over it and I told him that he needs to figure out a better way to leave his dates when he realizes he's not interested. To this day, ten years later, he STILL pulls that bathroom line crap with women and it's no wonder he's a bachelor in his late 40s. Idiot. Ha!

[smg15]

I wonder how the "weird girls" confidence was after you ditched her..No OP ive never been so rude to ditch a date and I wouldn't its not that hard to just excuse yourself and be honest after all..

 

 

Yeah I was young and it was wrong now that I look back at it. We all have done some silly things I'm our younger days.

[Gloria25]

no need for her to even respond at this point

 

No, I agree with others - clingy or not - she needs to apologize.

 

What's the matter with people? Lack of civility now a days.

[smg15]

No, I agree with others - clingy or not - she needs to apologize.

 

What's the matter with people? Lack of civility now a days.

 

 

 

When someone does something awful like that an apology would not be accepted anyway. But then again the guy did contact her after the date so maybe in his case since he is desperate he may accept it lol

[Gloria25]

When someone does something awful like that an apology would not be accepted anyway. But then again the guy did contact her after the date so maybe in his case since he is desperate he may accept it lol

 

Sorry, I missed the part where the OP added more to this thread.

 

Like writergal said, the more info we get, the better we can give feedback here.

[TigerLilly78]

I see some people have an issue with how I handled this..

 

We finished our date at the restaurant - which was going just fine. We ended up at a bar afterwords and he got fairly drunk. He was grabbing my legs and putting his arms around me and at one point touched my breast. Way too clingy of behaviour for me so I left because I was upset.

 

He's been texting me an apologizing, I've yet to respond but I think I'm just going to text back and tell him that it's good he knows his behaviour was unacceptable but that I am not interested.

 

 

This dose change things a little but still wouldn't it have been easier to just look him in the face and say im sorry I have to be going goodnight? At the very least it would have saved you a lot of the melt down texts afterwards. And just cause he was drunk doesn't mean he didn't sober up and wonder if you were ok cause you totally vanished.

 

There was a better way to handle this is all im saying op also if he was as smashed as your saying I would have prob told the bar tender I was leaving and to see if he could have made sure the guy got home safely at least as well but then again thats just how I am not saying everyone would/should do that..

 

People act quite different when they are very drunk then they would sober so taking that into consideration I wouldn't have hated him enough to ditch him but I would have excused myself and left..what he did wasn't right but still neither was what you did two wrongs do not make a right after all.

[Els]

Are you 12 years old?

If you want to end a meetup, the adult thing to do is to tell them politely, not to do the bathroom thing. Geez.

[newmoon]

i've done it. twice in my lifetime. both times i wandered off to the 'bathroom' but took off to the parking lot, drove home, and never talked to the person again. both were first dates and i felt justified because the men misled me about who they were. one claimed he LOVED museums and complained the entire time we were walking around that it was boring. it happens, and sometimes they don't deserve any explanation.

[organizedchaos]

he bought u flowers which some girls think is really sweet

 

Not for a first date.

[organizedchaos]

That's what I consider clingy. It was our first date and he was all over me. Definitely not a man that I would ever be interested in.

 

I should have added more detail but I was really not looking for anything other than what to say to him.

 

The devil is in the details. Remember that.

[writergal]

Are you 12 years old?

If you want to end a meetup, the adult thing to do is to tell them politely, not to do the bathroom thing. Geez.

 

Ha, ha! He's a 48 year old guy going on 13. I even met his best pal at my sister's wedding. The two of them are like Cheech and Chong, or like the two characters in the movie Dumb and Dumber. One is a lawyer, the other is a mortgage broker. But both are still bachelors because no woman in her right mind will put up with their shenanigans. I gave him so much crap that night he did that to me. I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe that my brother-in-law would be friends with such a schmuck. That night I made him buy my beers and then my sister and I gave him sh*t the rest of the night. I was fixed up with him because my brother-in-law thought our common interests would make us compatible. Um, no.

 

Anyway, it's too bad the OP wasn't upfront about what that guy did on their first date in her original post. Any guy who gets that drunk and then becomes an octopus with no boundaries, needs to be told "no 2nd date for you!"

[writergal]

i've done it. twice in my lifetime. both times i wandered off to the 'bathroom' but took off to the parking lot, drove home, and never talked to the person again. both were first dates and i felt justified because the men misled me about who they were. one claimed he LOVED museums and complained the entire time we were walking around that it was boring. it happens, and sometimes they don't deserve any explanation.

 

That's too funny that you pulled the ol bathroom ditch on a date too. I hate it when guys misrepresent themselves. I would have called him out on his lies from his profile, and then left him in the museum.

[havocser]

I met this guy at a bar and randomly gave him my phone number. He was a total stranger so I didn't know how the first date would go. He brought me flowers a few days prior and I totally thought that was a nice gesture but then thought this guy was coming on too strong.

 

At dinner we had a good time. I slipped and said something about my guy friend (I know don't talk about a dude on a date) but it was just a funny little story that related to what we were talking about. After that was my first warning sign as he got a little too upset about me having a guy friend but we were still having fun.

 

We got to the bar and I apparently forgot my ID at home and he was a total sweetheart and took me home to go grab it which I thought was very nice.

 

But then after that the date just started going sour. He had left to go to the washroom and a guy from the table next to me came up to me to ask me if I was alright and that things were looking uncomfortable.

 

Right after that was when I decided to ditch. I processed it for about 20 minutes. I didn't have the guts to tell him I was leaving. He was very clingy and I was afraid he would have gotten mad. Seeing as he was a stranger I thought for it to be in my best interest to just take off.

 

Maybe some of you haven't been on as bad as a date as I was subjected to but maybe one day you'll have the displeasure of experiencing it and find what I did to be reasonable.

[TigerLilly78]

I met this guy at a bar and randomly gave him my phone number. He was a total stranger so I didn't know how the first date would go. He brought me flowers a few days prior and I totally thought that was a nice gesture but then thought this guy was coming on too strong.

 

At dinner we had a good time. I slipped and said something about my guy friend (I know don't talk about a dude on a date) but it was just a funny little story that related to what we were talking about. After that was my first warning sign as he got a little too upset about me having a guy friend but we were still having fun.

 

We got to the bar and I apparently forgot my ID at home and he was a total sweetheart and took me home to go grab it which I thought was very nice.

 

But then after that the date just started going sour. He had left to go to the washroom and a guy from the table next to me came up to me to ask me if I was alright and that things were looking uncomfortable.

 

Right after that was when I decided to ditch. I processed it for about 20 minutes. I didn't have the guts to tell him I was leaving. He was very clingy and I was afraid he would have gotten mad. Seeing as he was a stranger I thought for it to be in my best interest to just take off.

 

Maybe some of you haven't been on as bad as a date as I was subjected to but maybe one day you'll have the displeasure of experiencing it and find what I did to be reasonable.

 

 

I don't understand then if you were fearful why didn't you say something to the guy who tried to help if things were this bad? its not adding up im sorry OP..your story keeps evolving to try and help you not look rude..what dose it matter if he was a stranger? you felt ok enough to give him your number in the st place and then to let him drive you to get your ID.. How mad would he have gotten in a public place?

 

I don't think you were all that afraid of this guy I just think things weren't going as you would have liked so you bailed simple as that..and instead of doing the adult thing you went the immature route and ditched..you had every right to leave no ones debating that its the way you went about it thats wrong..

[Redhead14]

Have you ever done this?

 

I'm feeling a little bad but I think me leaving was warranted, this guy bought me a stupid expensive bouquet of flowers before the first date and we had our date last night and he was super touchy and clingy with me.

 

I told him I had to go to the washroom and hopped in a cab and went home.

 

He's been texting me and I don't know what to say, do I tell him the truth that he was just too clingy and came on way too strong or do I let him down nice and lie by saying I got sick or something

 

This man could be considered over the top for a first date, but he mean't well by bringing flowers. As for him being touchy feely, you should have let him know you were uncomfortable with that and then if he respected that, you should have finished the date with him to it's natural conclusion. If you then still were uncomfortable or not liking him, you tell him that you've had a nice time but you two aren't a good match or something to that effect.

 

If he didn't stop being touchy feely, then I would have said, you've made me uncomfortable and I'm sorry but I want to leave.

 

Since you've done what you've done, I would simply call him and tell him you are not interested in seeing him again. What you did was disrespectful, you can save face by calling and being honest.

[ScreaminEagle]

Maybe you should take a break from dating. Karma is a bitch. While you ditched him on a date and call flowers stupid, I am willing to bet you will be on the receiving end in the bedroom. Go ahead text him how you feel, lord knows you don't have the maturity and social skills to do otherwise.

[venusishername]

Have you ever done this?

 

I'm feeling a little bad but I think me leaving was warranted, this guy bought me a stupid expensive bouquet of flowers before the first date and we had our date last night and he was super touchy and clingy with me.

 

I told him I had to go to the washroom and hopped in a cab and went home.

 

He's been texting me and I don't know what to say, do I tell him the truth that he was just too clingy and came on way too strong or do I let him down nice and lie by saying I got sick or something

 

Wow. Just tell him he came on too strong, you felt uncomfortable, and you don't think it's a good fit. No harm no foul.

[dagur]

Despite how touchy creepy weird he was, your behaviour was rude. You should've at least told him you were leaving (that you had to get home or something). Anyway, send him one final text that you're not interested, if he continues texting him after that just ignore him.