Silent_Shadow Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I'm an Asian American male, raised by a very religious single mom. I'm not overly religious myself, just introverted, shy, and insecure so dating is really few and far inbetween for me. I get told I'm handsome sometimes on my good days. I'm mixed White Canadian and Filipino. Anyways my last girlfriend was black and my racist aunt pissed me off to no end about that. My mother was more understanding but told me the relationship wasn't going to last if I had to drive three hours everytime to meet her when I really should be focusing on work and school. Anyways long story short, I was a virgin and so was she, mostly for the reasons OP stated, trust issues I guess? That said I guess she was tired of waiting and initiated second base with me one night. Odd thing is, eventually she wanted to try sex but said it hurt and wanted to stop, so we're both still rookies at lovemaking yet aren't virgins anymore? Does that makes sense? Do I regret this? Idk. Why should I? Nothing changed, I still feel the same. Eventually we broke up cause she told me she didn't love me back but wanted to be friends? I guess she was just curious, can't fault her, so was I.... I was hurt nonetheless and don't make an effort to contact her, instead I try to forget her by chatting up girls at work. Uh, what was I getting at? Virginity status should be inconsequential to your partner, granted they genuinely love you and desire a long lasting relationship. Sex is not as magical or hyped up as this over sexualized or promiscuous society claims it to be, especially if it's with someone you don't trust/love. Don't ever let yourself feel pressured into anything yes, yet also don't stick to that rule too much to the point you make your partner feel undesired. So obviously balance is key, and you really have no guideline aside from your gut feeling of knowing you're ready to trust this individual. Seems like you'd prefer a more traditional partner, or at the very least, one who'd respect your wishes in abstaining until the right moment. That's why dating is a numbers game and it's imperative you eventually chat about these sort of things. If these traditional values are important to you, hold onto them if you want yet realize if you want a partner who would feel the same or would be inclined to agree to be patient for "true love" then realistically you're going to have to take initiative and ask shy guys out. Chances are the outgoing type of guys who are around your age in this country are used to eventually becoming intimate within months of dating. As my mother would say, a very impatient, uncivilized, and for the most part selfish culture indeed. Ulterior motives in this capitalist society predominantly being sex, money, or status. Or that's something one of my more religious relatives would say. Yet the world is not so black and white. People can also argue that it's imperative to mature sexually as an adult when dating so you can feel compatible with your lover, even though most things like that can be learned, as long as you both love each other's personalities and are physically attracted, who's to say? Not me, not your parents, not them. Only you. Only you know when the time is right to trust the man you supposedly deem worthy of your love.
Jame22 Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Would you stay with someone who wants to stay a virgin for a few years (1-2) because she wants to develop emotional connection, wants to fall in love and feel 100% comfortable first? A lot of guys aren't just looking for sex. But at the same time it's an important component of any healthy relationship. Waiting 1-2 years is certainly not healthy..any sane man would be out the door the moment he heard this. 1
irresolute Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Would you stay with someone who wants to stay a virgin for a few years (1-2) because she wants to develop emotional connection, wants to fall in love and feel 100% comfortable first? One or two years is unreasonable. How old are you? :$
sagetalk Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Would you stay with someone who wants to stay a virgin for a few years (1-2) because she wants to develop emotional connection, wants to fall in love and feel 100% comfortable first? If you want to wait, then wait. Don't let people pressure you into sex. They will if you let them. There are people out there that will wait.
giblesp Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 I find that Asian guys are generally more conservative/traditional and in-line with your desires. I'd have to strongly disagree with that.
truth_seeker Posted December 13, 2014 Posted December 13, 2014 Are you kidding me??? If I met a great girl and she was a virgin, I would be ecstatic... it's like buying a home no one has ever lived in before... unlike renting out an apartment that's been lived in by many people for years and years...
Donnie Darko Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I tried dating a virgin in college for a few months. It left me sexually frustrated and unsatisfied with the relationship. That said, I will comment that I did really like her. I still remember that her Christmas gifts were one of the best first gifts that I ever received from someone that I was dating. She actually took the time to know me and get me something that I really liked. We discussed having sex a few times and rather than pressuring her I just decided to break up with her and date other girls and I had a lot more fun and was much more satisfied with my relationships.
WonderKid Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Never dated a virgin before. And I could already tell if a girl was or not. I thought that if I ended up having sex with one of them, it would unlock some type of mental Pandora box I would not been ready for.
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Are you kidding me??? If I met a great girl and she was a virgin, I would be ecstatic... it's like buying a home no one has ever lived in before... unlike renting out an apartment that's been lived in by many people for years and years... Ya it would be like buying a home that you can't live in either but still pay a mortgage on. 1
Recommended Posts