CalvinM Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 She (30) and I (33) have been dating for almost three months. We've been intimate up to, but not including sex. Tonight she told me she still isn't ready for us to sleep with each other. I think I've been pretty patient, haven't pressured her, but I'm starting to wonder whether it's worth my time, since we're exclusive and intimacy within a relationship is important to me. Am I within my rights to dump her because of this?
evanescentworld Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 In view of your previous thread, I would say such action is long overdue. You're what's known as an InCel. Involuntary celibate. One definition is that of a person forced to remain in a sexless situation by the dictates of their partner, even though it is the last thing they want. I did say it would take a long time. Clearly, this is not something you can reasonably be asked to be patient about. I'm sorry it's come to this but yes - time to cut the ties. But be honest, and tell her why. Bear in mind she may promise to 'come out of her shell' quickly... but that's not the right motivation. The motivation should be because she truly desires you, wants to make love with you, and has decided for herself that it would be a wonderful thing to do. Not because she feels she should, or believes that by promising you sex, you'll stay....
Mirages Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 So in a broader sense, is this phenomenon a case of 1: religious abstinence, 2: personal hesitance, or 3: power and control "witchiness," on her part Calvin? These 3 choices are very different possibilities, each calling for a quite different response from you, yet any of them could be true. I feel that yours is case 2, eh?
evanescentworld Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Best to read his other thread. I have posted a link.
Author CalvinM Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 She's only been with one other guy. It's not related to religion at all.
fred123 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 how can a guy avoid this situation? if he asked her at the start how long it took her with her ex bfs or if he knew this information he wouldnt be wasting his time?
Author CalvinM Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Here's what I said: "I really like you and I've enjoyed the time we spent together, but waiting four months for us to be physical with each other doesn't make me feel comfortable in our relationship. We clearly have different expectations and ideas of what it means to be in a healthy exclusive relationship and for me, being intimate with you is one of them."
evanescentworld Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Holy Crap - don't tell me you broke up with her by text - ?!
Blakely Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Sometimes kissing can feel more intimate than 'sex'. So if yAll have been intimate in all other ways excluding sex, what was her reasoning for holding back? Unless sex is more important to you than everything else she brings to the table, just chill. 3 months really isn't that long, and isn't it refreshing to be with somebody who actually respects sex? That's rare these days! She might be worth the wait.... 1
evanescentworld Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 She doesn't 'respect' sex. She just doesn't want to have it with him! I recommend you read his other thread....!
Author CalvinM Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 This honestly hasn't been much of a relationship and I finally found out why she's been holding back. She's still in love with her ex. It totally explains why she's been emotionally unavailable since we ran into him on the second date and why she isn't "interested in sex".
evanescentworld Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 When did she tell you that? Holy fudd, for goodness' sake.... !
Blakely Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Well I hope you dumped Her. Totally not worth your time!
Author CalvinM Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Just now. We conveniently ran into him after our second date and it struck me as odd, given that he doesn't like anywhere near downtown. I really didn't think much of it, but looking back, that should've been a huge red flag.
evanescentworld Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Is all this via text? If it is, you know the routine. Block, delete, go No Contact. Talk about dodging a bullet.... How much longer was she going to keep you at arm's length before confessing to that?
Author CalvinM Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Yeah, I did. "You were the one that wanted to be exclusive. And I find it hard to believe it was just a coincidence that he showed up after on our second date. Whatever this was, it's done."
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