Mandy Goold Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 My partner of 19 years together has left me & I feel so scared. He has been working away for the last 15 months. At first I was fine with this, it really didn't bother me been at home looking after our 2 boys but after a while I found out he was lying to me. He would go out n about at the weekends, sightseeing but would always lie about who was there & not tell me of the very late nights that he would have, he's a socialable man who enjoys his rugby n nights out so I know what he's like but couldn't understand why he kept lying to me. Yes I understand he didn't want to hurt me but all it did was make me wary & untrusting towards him which caused problems specially when he was home. In the end he said he couldn't take anymore it was over he was done. I was so shocked has I feel he should of at least sat me down & told me how he really felt he did keep saying leave it so we could move on but I asked for the lies to stop too but I didn't just leave. He said he was going to stay for Christmas for our boys.I texted him a few times telling him how I loved him & I would let this go & that we are a family & should stay together & work it out this made him so mad that he came home took a few things & left. He's gone to stay at his parents & his attitude to me is vile. I feel his parents should be saying go home, sort this but no they are saying you can't put up with that. I was just feeling so alone & hurt while he was away & all sorts of things were going through my head because of his lies but he said I drove him away, I feel so scared & it's all my fault.
No Limit Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 It's not your fault. Chances are he's cheated and the geographic distance makes it all the easier for him to keep face while leaving his family behind. Constant lying will cause distrust. Of course he doesn't want to see that, and his parents stand behind him because he's their son, simple as that. Just don't blame yourself. 2
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Are you married? And I agree it sounds like he's cheating. He may not be at his parents... He may be at his OW's place. Have you started digging to see what he's up to? Do you have a job and a way to support yourself? Get an appointment with an attorney to see what your rights are should you file for divorce. And stop telling him you love him! He's probably cheating and plans to blow your whole world apart! 2
GirlStillStrong Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 You may want to check this out: http://http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/314882-180 And please do not accept the blame he is throwing at you. A mature person owns up to his own behavior and his own decisions; this man sounds like a child. What is appropriate in your circumstances would be for him to apologize and stop doing the things that are making you upset and feeling paranoid or suspicious. He is doing the opposite. He's hiding something. You need to toughen yourself up here. 1
Author Mandy Goold Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Are you married? And I agree it sounds like he's cheating. He may not be at his parents... He may be at his OW's place. Have you started digging to see what he's up to? Do you have a job and a way to support yourself? Get an appointment with an attorney to see what your rights are should you file for divorce. And stop telling him you love him! He's probably cheating and plans to blow your whole world apart! Hi thanks for the advice,, yes we have been married for 10 years. No I don't work we both agreed I would stay at home with the boys but for the past 12 months I've been looking & still will well I have too. One of the reasons he left was because I questioned him about an affair, he said no he has never & never would & that because the trust had gone he wanted out but he couldn't see that because of his lies I was suspious & wary but surely anyone would be. He's defo at his parents well he does lie !!! But he's rubbing my nose init & it hurts watching him go out & he's so happy to be free. Thanks x
beach Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Ok then. So start planning as if you will be on your own. Get a job and begin to become more independent from him. Earning your own money will help you have SOME peace of mind. Sorry for your pain - it sucks.
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