jimbeam333 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 She broke it off with me via email. We have been going back and forth via email. I wanted to see her but she wouldn't see me in person. Only talk on phone. I have admitted my mistakes..reflected on our relationship...told her I didn't want things to end. She said sorry...I can't...I've reconnected with some else. So.... I sent her a nice email: No need to call or meet. I don't think you really want to call or see me and that's ok. You have your reasons. I'm not going to question them. What's done is done. Things happen for a reason. Choices have been made and we are no longer together. I will miss those daily msp and mcp emails. They always brightened my day. We are on separate paths in life and I am at peace with everything that has happened. I will move on as you have and see where my journey takes me. I do wish you the best and want to see you happy. We had special times and moments together that I will never forget. I care for you very much...I hope you find happiness with your new love that you couldn't find with me. Everything I have told you about my feelings for you is true. But its time to move on. Be well and take care. She quickly came back with: Can we have a phone conversation tonight? I don't want to never talk to you again. That would not feel right. I will say that everything you did say about why things did not work out were true. And you were right from the beginning. We are at different places in life and when I thought about being 63 when XXXXX graduated from high school that freaked me out. You know obviously that has nothing to do with XXXXX personally! I haven't responded and I don't plan to take her call. My opinion on this is: 1) She still loves me. 2) I question if she has really met someone else or she is just saying that because she is scared (she feels hurt and neglected). Am I making the right choice? Do I respond and start asking questions? Go NC....help??!?
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 She just sent me a text...can we please talk? What do I do? I ask because there may be a chance so many things went wrong over the last couple of months...words spoken that shouldn't have been...the right questions asked at the wrong time. I do believe she still loves me. And I question if she really 'reconnected' with someone. Perhaps she said that because she feels hurt and afraid and is trying to push me away. I'm very much a loss as to what to do. I said goodbye..and now she is begging me to talk. help help help...pretty please?
ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 How long since you all broke up? When was your email sent? I would take the call but prepare and steel yourself that the conversation won't go as you want. If I were you I would forever wonder what she wanted to say. Just know that the conversation may not go the way you want. I recently tried a reconciliation, got a chance and was so sure of our love and our relationship I truly didn't think it would fail. Turns out it did and she started dating a guy soon after. Take the call if you have to but consider that she doesn't love you and she has reconnected with another guy and it may just be a chance for her to feel less guilty. Good luck
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 10 days ago. We haven't spoken on the phone since 11/21.
Light Breeze Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Some would say here no, dont take the call and go NC at once. But, like you my breakup is fresh and probably am not thinking clearly. In my honest opinion though, you should take the call but prepare for the worst or you might be forever wondering and thinking "what ifs". Then, after all is said and done (worst case scenario) then say good bye and initiate NC. Good luck brother.
Mi7522 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Do not talk to her and tbh you sould not have sent that email. She broke up with you therefore you have no reason to talk anymore about what goes on in each other's lives. If you are pushing her away by doing what you're doing then your only option is to go NC. She knows you're there for her whenever she wants, take that away from her and work on yourself, give it at least a couple of weeks of NC before even considering of talking/texting her. You'll thank yourself later trust me.
6Pack Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Initially, my thoughts were to take the call, but now that I think about it, almost all scenarios I have been in like this, the Ex is wanting the last phone call for them to feel reassured that you do not hate them, to assuage their guilt, and to reaffirm that you are there as a fall back in case things do not work out with the other guy. What I would do now is - just go ghost on her....just dissappear. If she has any second thoughts about losing you, it will hit her like a ton of bricks, and she will come crawling back, THEN its up to you to decide what to do.
Chi townD Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Dude, there's no reason to talk to her. What for? What's going to change? NOTHING! Your email filled her head with the fact that you're never going to talk to her again. And that scared her and it also filled her with guilt. You're handling the break up well and like a gentleman and she didn't expect that. You need to be NC until you lose all romantic feelings for her. Then, you could entertain a friendship. But, if you talk to her, all you're going to do is allow her to ease her guilt by reaffirming to herself that the demise of the relationship was entirely your fault. You don't need to hear that crap. Dude, she wants to friend zone you. And that's not fair to you or her.
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 I texted her back...'why do you want to talk now?'. she replies 'i can't never talk to you'. 'I never wanted to hurt you.' 'So much hurt.'
Mi7522 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I texted her back...'why do you want to talk now?'. she replies 'i can't never talk to you'. 'I never wanted to hurt you.' 'So much hurt.' Do not respond any more. You are broken up. Please heed my advice
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Thanks everyone. I was thinking of sending her a final message. There is nothing to be said except for this. You left me for all the wrong reasons. You didn't talk to me, came to your own conclusions and now...its done. Maybe one day we will talk...but not now. One day...
Elle1975 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 You're shooting yourself in the foot when you answer her texts, especially following this email of yours that you sent her. You asked what she wanted to talk about and BAM "srry didn't mean to hurt you", no "I love you". You said you accepted the break up, you should probably act like you did, or she will see it as a manipulation to get her back. 1
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Good point. No mention of love. I do think she feels guilty as hell..and she should. I'm gonna ghost her. Problem is...I will run into her on occasion. What do I do during these times?
Mi7522 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Good point. No mention of love. I do think she feels guilty as hell..and she should. I'm gonna ghost her. Problem is...I will run into her on occasion. What do I do during these times? If you make coincidental eye contact then you just give her a wave. If not then you have nothing to worry about because you won't see her
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 I haven't responded to her last texts. She just sent another one. 'Hello?'
Mi7522 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I haven't responded to her last texts. She just sent another one. 'Hello?' Ignore, don't concern yourself with this. They're breadcrumbs. You'll only hurt yourself in the long run 1
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Agreed. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I'm going out tomorrow...mingle...start working on myself. Time to move on.... 1
Chi townD Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Very good. And just remember during those weak times. She made a choice to have you out of her life. You're giving her exactly what she's asking for. Those text she sent you was just her trying to ease her own guilt. It wasn't anything like, "I'm sorry. I was wrong and I'll do anything to get you back." It was "sorry I hurt you". Which states to you she has no intention of getting back with you. So, any conversation would have been a waste of your time. 1
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 No. She is three years older than me. I had kids later in life than she did. We were together three years. And she loves kids...guidance councelor at a grammar school...threapist who works with you kids and teens. Its a poor excuse. No...there were other issues. We were both in a bad place due to things that occurred over the last 4-5 months. Things were said in anger...questions asked...too much thinking and not enough talking.
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 i am feeling weak. i want to send her an email. ask questions. see if she is feeling the same hurt that she has inflicted on me. ask if she is afraid because of the hurt. ask if she still love's me? help...
6Pack Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 i am feeling weak. i want to send her an email. ask questions. see if she is feeling the same hurt that she has inflicted on me. ask if she is afraid because of the hurt. ask if she still love's me? help... No! Dont do it! Do not send her any communications at all! Do not give in! Trust us! You will thank us later!
Elle1975 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I understand it hurts but I'll use the expression "grow some balls" and put your foot down. I know you want her back but keeping in contact and sending a few "I'm happy for you" emails aren't going to do you any good, quite the contrary. I wouldn't even wave, or smile. Be civil, but think about number one, it's you and your family, which she isn't part of anymore. You have surely broke up with someone in your life, how did you feel when the person kept in contact, did that make you change your mind? And anyway, most likely it's over forever, so the point of NC is to heal up and not make a fool of yourself. Salvage your self esteem or it's going to take a hit, on top of the pain you're going through because of the break up. Enough said, don't answer, go out to the movies or something. If she keeps it up, be short, tell her you respect her decision, she can respect yours and leave you alone. And please no more "Im glad you are happy fking someone else" emails because you're not. You can do it.
Author jimbeam333 Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 another text....'so...no to talk'. i'm so torn. this whole thing has gone on and on via email without ONCE speaking on the phone. would it be wrong to have her call me. no begging on my part...no pleading...i know she feels guilty. i'll hear what she has to say because i think i need that. then i will casually tell her you gave up on our relationship, goodbye.
bubbaganoosh Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 You want to heal? Then stop with the emails and text messages. All your doing is keeping the wound open and the bleeding will ever stop. I'm sure you have questions and want answers and the only thing that will happen is it will lead to more questions and if your not getting the answers you want you'll keep finding new away to ask the same thing hoping for the perfect answer. In other word, you'll never het the answer you want. My advice is to close the book on this one and after you heal, find another but only when your ready.
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