Tinytot Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Hi everyone. I'm new to the community, so please be patient with me. If I leave out any important info, please ask and I will answer. My ex broke up with me in late September, we were on the fence for about 3 weeks and we were still communicating with each other about our relationship, then he officially ended things with me. So, I guess it’s been almost2 months since we officially broke up. We were still texting for a few days after that because I was trying to reconcile with him. We were together for 3 years and had a 3 year friendship prior to that- I’m 26, he’s 32. After trying to plead my love to him for a few days, I finally just stopped reaching out to him. The last thing I asked him is if we had a chance (not right now) or if he was just over me, he said that he had no plans or desire to get with me as of now. After that I went NC. We were still friends on social media but I deleted him, his friends, and family at the end of October because I was tired of seeing certain people continuously post them being out at bars, etc. It was making me so angry and just really hurt. I felt how could this person be over me so quick and having the time of his life like he didn’t just end a long term relationship? Fast forward to about 5-6 weeks of NC, he sent me a text on Thanksgiving. I won’t write it verbatim but he said, “Hello! Hope all is well. I’m probably the last person you want to hear from and it’s understandable. This message has taken almost all day to text…I guess fearing of no reply or some type of backlash which is ok…I just want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving…I hope you’re doing well. hope you don’t hate me :/”. I responded to him a couple of hours later with a basic thank you, Happy Thanksgiving as well. He didn’t respond to me after that. Receiving this text from him really put me back at square one- I guess I was hoping for a different outcome, but because that didn’t lead anywhere it left me with even more confusion and sadness. I really don’t understand why he would feel the need to text me when the wounds aren’t healed- he knows I don't do the friends with exes thing. My friend, who is also his friend (we all met on a study abroad trip about 6 years ago), was able to see and speak to him within the past couple of days. She told me that she asked about us reconciling and he said “if I wanted to be in a relationship, [tinytot] would be the one I would want to be with, but I don’t want any relationship right now”. He also mentioned how he remembers how different I was when my ex broke up with me (remember, we were friends so I cried to him and he knew the way I acted, etc.) – I was very persistent and reaching out all the time, I basically did everything I wasn’t supposed to do for a very long time despite what people were telling me to do. This breakup, however, I went NC pretty quickly and didn’t break at all and even after he texted me I didn’t start with all the sobbing stuff again. I’m not 100% positive, but I think it’s possible that he’s wondering why I’m not the same way with him if I love him so much. Anyways, we broke up because he said there were issues he couldn’t deal with anymore. He was also stressed and unhappy with his life for about the last 6 months or so before we broke up. He wasn’t happy about his career, living situation, weight, etc. He was no angel, but I will tell you that 90% of the problems were due to me. I would fight with him all the time- turn absolutely nothing into a couple of days worth of fighting. I over-analyzed every little thing. He said he couldn’t handle my jealousy, trust issues, insecurities, etc anymore and I know he has told a couple of people that he was tired of me always thinking he was cheating on me. I’m very aware of my issues and where they stem from- since we have been broken up I have taken drastic measures to work on them because they essentially make me unhappy and won’t allow me to accept love. I have started reading self-help books, I go to church now, I’m able to re-direct my negative thoughts, and I will go back into therapy as soon as my insurance kicks back in (should be any day now and I’m greatly looking forward to it). Needless to say, I feel awful knowing I lost a man who truly loved me and who really tried to make things work up until his breaking point. I understand why we had to breakup- I really wouldn’t be able to be with someone like me either, honestly. We were pretty serious; he even told me that he wanted to start a family with me in a few years (when I finish grad school) and if you knew him, you would know that’s a huge thing to come from him. After we broke up I noticed he kept saying things like “I love you but not enough to be in a relationship right now”, “I think this is the right decision. Right now. And God and time will tell me if I made the right one”, and/or “I can’t be fully committed to a relationship and give you what one needs right now” (I’m assuming because I completely drained any hope from him). I don’t want to keep rambling but I think I covered the most important things. Also, there was never cheating, lying, etc. (Unless he was really good at covering it up- but see these types of thoughts is what landed me here in the first place:(). I guess I am looking for thoughts and opinions. I can’t imagine that we are done for good; we have been through some really deep things, in which I do not want to say out of fear of people judging me. I know only time can truly tell and no one really knows what’s going to happen, but does it sound like I would even have a chance with this man? Providing he sees a change in my attitude because I cried wolf so many times about changing/working on my issues. Please don’t say harsh things to me about my issues as I am already feeling sick to my stomach about it- don’t kick me when I’m already down. Should I send him a nice Christmas text? I definitely don’t want this NC to get to a point that seems like I don’t care and am being cold. Thank you, everyone. I appreciate you for taking the time to read my story- it really does help when people listen.
Recommended Posts