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Should I cut off the friendship with my ex-boyfriend???

BlueIvy

By BlueIvy
in General Relationship Discussion

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BlueIvy Established Member

BlueIvy

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We haven't communicated in about 2 weeks, and haven't seen each other in 3 weeks, on the day we were suppose to plan birthday trip. Even though I deleted his number; I sent a Merry Christmas text and he never replied. We are snap chat friends and he looked at my story, so I know he's intentionally ignoring me.

 

I don't want him back but thought we could be cordial. I will miss the friendship.

 

It's funny how someone can say they love someone not too long ago, to acting like they are whatever.

 

The first week of NC I was sad and hurt, but now I am doing better. I think what hurts the most is not having him as a friend; I would tell him almost everything. There has been things happening and I can't tell him. And I have friends but I didn't tell them everything,lol.

 

But I can say IDK if I am still in love with him. Because before, I didn't see his faults but now I see what my friends saw, he was very insecure and manipulative. Also, when we would "break up," I also would never tell him good luck with someone else, and in one of the last texts I said I told him he can find love with someone else. Also, I have a very high sex drive but don't have a desire to be intimate with him again. Last time we had intimacy was 2-3 months ago. I guess I am really moving on this time, but totally not there yet. And sometimes I almost don't like him, because we promised we would always end things on a good note..and no matter what happens we would be in eachother's life in some way; especially considering our prior relationship before each other ended on bad notes.

 

I guess I am a little upset too because I didn't do anything wrong. I just feel it's just so petty.

 

I deleted him from Snap Chat.

 

That's life though.

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
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Oh for goodness sake.

 

Get a grip. If this is how you feel and he doesn't want to get married why bother at all?

 

This relationship is going nowhere. Never was.

 

The reason why you probably felt all these emotions is because deep down you knew that this one was not for you but you don't want to let go.

 

As I say - stop leading him on and being nice and just cut the man loose.

The only reason to hang on to this is to get self gratification from messing with his head and attention seeking from him... Are you that person???

 

Bingo...you called it!

 

@OP....Dating a man twice your age that has already know doesn't want kids, and has no plans to get married. Is this perhaps related to daddy issues? It seems you relish the attention you get from other, and being beautiful on the outside is useless if there is no beauty on the inside.

 

The looks will fade and then what? I reckon the out of state trip is off, and you will better to just move on with your life and find a guy your age. Another typical example of someone just after what is right for them i.e. looking after number 1

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BlueIvy Established Member

BlueIvy

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Bingo...you called it!

 

@OP....Dating a man twice your age that has already know doesn't want kids, and has no plans to get married. Is this perhaps related to daddy issues? It seems you relish the attention you get from other, and being beautiful on the outside is useless if there is no beauty on the inside.

 

The looks will fade and then what? I reckon the out of state trip is off, and you will better to just move on with your life and find a guy your age. Another typical example of someone just after what is right for them i.e. looking after number 1

 

 

I don't have daddy issues. I grew up with a father and we had a relationship. I have more going for myself than my exterior.

 

Well, I didn't know from 1 date would spur a nearly 2 year relationship. And IDK he didn't want kids or didn't want to get married. That's something I learned later on. Also, it's not every woman's goals to get married or have kids. My goals right now is pursuing and establishing my career.

Well, that trip was suppose to be like 2 weeks ago, so it's off and I am ok with that.

 

I thought we were friends.

 

Talking about me? I did really care for him :( It was never about seeking attention from him or self gratification.

hudson701 Established Member

hudson701

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Seems you have a bit of an ego and on a subconscious level, enjoy his attention for your own validation. You say you're considered 'beautiful' but I bet deep down you know you are beautiful, as most attractive girls do and play that to their advantage. Men chase, women choose, no truer words spoken. He is clearly intimated by your beauty- have you done anything to reassure him or allay his fears/insecurities?

 

Echo what others have said above- cut him loose and let him go for his own benefit. You will do more harm than good otherwise.

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BlueIvy Established Member

BlueIvy

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Seems you have a bit of an ego and on a subconscious level, enjoy his attention for your own validation. You say you're considered 'beautiful' but I bet deep down you know you are beautiful, as most attractive girls do and play that to their advantage. Men chase, women choose, no truer words spoken. He is clearly intimated by your beauty- have you done anything to reassure him or allay his fears/insecurities?

 

Echo what others have said above- cut him loose and let him go for his own benefit. You will do more harm than good otherwise.

 

I don't need validation from him. Well, if I have an ego, it's not my fault...almost every day someone says I am beautiful or very pretty. I say thanks and keep it moving. It doesn't mean much I suppose because I am rarely approached by the opposite sex. I don't really play it to my advantage...I work hard for what I want. I actually had people at my job say I am wasting my time here and should be modeling, and some of them are my co-workers. The only advantage my appearance can have is in modeling, which I do plan to pursue when I have more time. Other than that, I don't walk around like I am the **** and treat everyone fairly.

 

Maybe because I would say if someone commented on my looks, he would get upset because he feels when he complimented me, I didn't make a big deal out of it. However, I never acted better than him. I would tell him he's handsome and treated him like a king. I was faithful and loyal. I loved him so much... He's the first man I actually loved.

 

You make it seem like I am evil and he is innocent. If you read prior threads regarding him, that wasn't the case.

 

He never replied back to say Merry Christmas. It's as if I mean nothing.But yes I deleted his number, this will be the last time I contact him.

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BlueIvy Established Member

BlueIvy

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Seems you have a bit of an ego and on a subconscious level, enjoy his attention for your own validation. You say you're considered 'beautiful' but I bet deep down you know you are beautiful, as most attractive girls do and play that to their advantage. Men chase, women choose, no truer words spoken. He is clearly intimated by your beauty- have you done anything to reassure him or allay his fears/insecurities?

 

Echo what others have said above- cut him loose and let him go for his own benefit. You will do more harm than good otherwise.

 

Happy New Year!

 

So, I broke NC and like drove to his house (10 mins away) and asked if he wanted to go on a ride with me. I admit part of it was boredom, but part of it was missing spending time with him.

 

Surprisingly, he opened the door and let me in. After saying hi and making small talk, I asked him why he's been ignoring me.

 

He is passive aggressive so he didn't answer immediately, and reminded me of how I sent a nasty text and if I need to be reminded of that text.

In that text, I basically said good bye and I am deleting his number and moving on. And how I don't think he really loved me and how if he didn't want to be friends, he could have told me and I would have left him alone.

 

But apparently, it wasn't just that. He said while planning my birthday trip, I mentioned how I was going to hang out with another man, a man who I went on 1 date with 4 months ago. He said it was apparent I was using him and how everyone has been using him lately. And why would he spend that much money if there is another man I am going out with.

 

And he basically said I am at his house now because I feel guilty because I know I ****ed up. So, he basically made it seem like I was the bad guy.

 

I told him it was a miscommunication and I only went on a date once with him. And if he felt that way, he should have told me. I also went on to say that I never used him and he knows this. For instance,When he asked to buy me a printer, I declined. I only asked him for stuff if I really need it, for instance, an expensive calculator I need for math that I couldn't afford at the time, because I had a low pay, part time job.

 

Honestly, I was shocked that was his reasoning for not wanting to deal with me anymore, because I never used him. In fact, before the blow out, he said how I never used him and some people around him are users and I am not like that.

 

Anyway, I was about to leave and it seemed he wanted me to stay. He even asKed if I wanted to go to movies. I said yes. But the movies were like sold out so he said we can do what I want. So, we ended up eating Ethiopian food, which he never liked. And then he mentioned how he felt the energy between us. He even told me IDK how much he loves me and how pretty I am. Later on, he commented on how I get more beautiful as I get older. He also commented on my weight loss and said if am I doing it to get a new bf, I just laughed it off.

 

I know it's stupid but I stayed the night. We didn't have sex but we made out pretty heavy. In the am, he went to have breakfast with a work colleague and told me don't leave until he comes back, and he will be back soon. I was still sleeping. When he came back, we basically talked until I went home. Also, while I was half sleeping, he mentioned something about how a guy like him could be with a girl like me/people must think he's rich to have someone like me. I was half sleeping so I am not 100% sure. And when we were heading to eat out, he asked me to hold his hands...

 

One thing that struck out is he made a bet and I won, which meant he owed me $. He said he would give me some but I declined. For one, I didn't need his money and 2. I didn't want him to think I was using him again.:confused:

Edited by BlueIvy
loveboid Established Member

loveboid

Posted
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He sounds abusive to me. Putting you down. It starts off slow and it just weakens you over time without your realizing it. It's terrible behavior. It may even be why you're still with him.

 

I don't think what you two have is true love. I would continue dating other people. I would go no contact with him again. Find something to distract you...get a puppy or something.

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BlueIvy Established Member

BlueIvy

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He sounds abusive to me. Putting you down. It starts off slow and it just weakens you over time without your realizing it. It's terrible behavior. It may even be why you're still with him.

 

I don't think what you two have is true love. I would continue dating other people. I would go no contact with him again. Find something to distract you...get a puppy or something.

 

As I said, part of it is boredom but I like hanging out with him. We both can hang out with each other frequently and not be sick of each other. I Don't feel connected to a lot of ppl outside my family, so when I do I expect long term friendship.

 

I also work FT and will be going to school shortly so I don't have time to take care of a pet.

 

I was doing good but only so much you can Do by yourself. I only have a few friends and sometimes our schedule conflicts. And one friend out of country. And Im close with a cousin but she's a homebody.

 

As for dating, I've been taking to this guy but I don't think it's going anywhere. A lot of dudes my age suck. As much as ppl call me beautiful, Im rarely approached so that comes into play too.

 

We do love each other, idk think he would have done what he has done for me if it wasn't.

Edited by BlueIvy
loveboid Established Member

loveboid

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Well you know your situation better. This might be good for both of you. It's good to have a friend.

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FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Why don't you move away to school and make a fresh start? Meet more men in a new city.

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BlueIvy Established Member

BlueIvy

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Why don't you move away to school and make a fresh start? Meet more men in a new city.

 

I live close to the city. And my school is in the city which is like within 5 miles of my house.

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