checkoutat10 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I just can't believe this is my life now. I am so heartbroken and sad. I am grieving the holidays which are now ruined for me. Still I have to put on a happy face for my children and I really don't feel like it at all. I am grieving the lost hopes, dreams, and plans we were making for the future. I am grieving because my former life as I knew it was a complete and total lie, dictated by two other people, who cared nothing for my feelings but involved me in their plans regardless by exclusion and betrayal. I am grieving because my WH wants to reconcile, and I don't. I am grieving my lost family. My four children who used to have two parents in love. Now that's been shattered, destroyed, and they are crushed. I am grieving everything today. Tears won't stop. Just so, so sad. Gotta get it together for the kids...... F*CK!!!!!!!
petee Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Hang in there. There's another poster on here saying that it does get easier, and experience says they're right. What an awful time of year for you and the kids to be going through this. You have started by making the decision, you don't want to reconcile. That's the hard part, the decision. You will be just fine, and in the background your WH will be looking in at you learning his lesson time and time again when he sees you, remembers the love and sees you go on in life, to what will become a future without him. If you don't mind me asking, how long since DDay?
Author checkoutat10 Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 It's been 6 months give or take, but we were in R and I just made the decision in the past 2 weeks that I can't R, my trust is shattered and he will never regain that from me. Plus, he is being secretive again and my world is destroyed over the what-ifs. We still live together and will have to until the house is sold....it's cruel.
sidney2718 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 It's been 6 months give or take, but we were in R and I just made the decision in the past 2 weeks that I can't R, my trust is shattered and he will never regain that from me. Plus, he is being secretive again and my world is destroyed over the what-ifs. We still live together and will have to until the house is sold....it's cruel. Yes, it is cruel, but in the long run it is better for your children NOT to live in an atmosphere that is poisoned by distrust and secrecy. 1
No Limit Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 You can't reconcile with someone who's only doing so half-heartedly. Don't believe his crocodile tears. His actions are a dead giveaway. Wishing you a lot of strength until you can move away from him.
Steen719 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 I wish I could reach right to you and show you how things can be better. They really do get easier. It takes time and you will be sad, mad, distraught and sad again. I cried a river. It's cathartic and really you can't get to the other side without walking straight through the pain. With kids, it makes it harder. I still feel bad about that, but I can't say I wish I had stayed with a cheating s*o*b. My son was older - 20 and so he had a better understanding of what was going on. He did not want me to be unhappy. It gets better, but that doesn't mean the residuals don't stay with us, but we handle those emotions better. Get involved with a divorce support group, exercise if you can, talk to someone who loves you and will listen, even if it is the same thing over and over. I am so sorry this is how it is for you and sad as it is, many of us know how hard this is. You will feel better; it takes time and getting through it. I learned a lot about myself through all of this and I am stronger for it. {{{HUGS}}} 1
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