Darren2013 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Whether someone is high maintenance or low maintenance is really relative to whether the way you operate is compatible with them. There are some women I consider high maintenance that some guys would have an easy time dating because their needs, goals and the general way they operate is different from me. I consider myself low Maintence and what I mean by that is I don't need alot of time and attention from a woman to be satisfied in the relationship. I can go months at a time without sex and not care. I am confident I can go 2 months at a time and maybe longer without seeing my girlfriend. Besides I truly believe absence makes my heart grow founder and my level of appreciation for her rises during the time away. I need that element of missing her while in a relationship and that's why I purposely pursue women who are long distance geographically because then it gives me all the justification I need not to see her that often. So I too need a woman that is just as low maintenance as I am. This woman in Kentucky may be the rare breed out there that I'm looking for. I really have nothing to lose by at least going out to meet her once and really check her out. I owe it to myself because if there's any chance she is the one for me then women like her are hard to come by. Worst case scenario is I will have wasted 2 days on the road for nothing. It is a small investment just to see what happens and I feel good taking that risk. My last girlfriend was very high Maintence relative to myself. She needs constant attention and affection and would call me everyday 3-4 times a day. I felt smothered in that relationship. She did not want me to have any contact with my female friends and would get jealous easily. She would want sex on every date and go for 3 hours. She would want me to spend like 90% of my free time with her. Then eventually near the end she said move in with her. I said that was out of the question. I wasted 3 years with her because I got too comfortable and didn't have the courage to end it. Even though I wish I ended it sooner in hindsight she did me a favor to finally cut me loose even though it was an ugly breakup. I'm glad to have been set free from her. So some guy who is high Maintence would be compatible with her. Everyone needs different levels of attention. Do you consider yourself high Maintence or low Maintence? I am low Maintence when it comes to phone calls too. I don't want my girlfriend to call everyday. Twice a week maximum is enough.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 (edited) I doubt I'll get a lot of agreement on this one but I've always kinda seen it as how much a person expects/demands from their partner, somebody who has high standards in a relationship is more likely to be seen as high maintenance than someone who lets stuff roll without questioning it. For example, I would say in that sense I'm high maintenance because I expect a lot from partners. I don't tolerate being treated badly, whether its something a person does like scream in my face in an argument or something they don't do, like not bothering to text or call me each day (I've only ever had daily contact in every relationship I've ever had but some people on here seem to think it's also natural to go a few days without speaking to someone they're with, so each to their own). If someone lets me down last minute I won't give them more than maybe one more chance, if someone cheats on me I'm gone, if somebody doesn't put effort into the relationship I'm gone. Whereas from some of the threads on here, there are women who let anything slide: they get cheated on, their boyfriend spends more time with his friends than with them, forgets their birthday, hits on other relatives at a party, goes on online dating then claims it was just 'fun', those women are probably considered low maintenance because the guy has to do very little to maintain the relationship and the girl's interest. I read something cool once, that in a relationship you should show the other person every day why it's a good idea to be with you and stay with you. Don't stop courting and wooing and impressing someone once you moved in or got married, keep showing that person that you love them and you're worth being with. Otherwise things stagnate and people get taken for granted. I mean I'm actually quite chilled in most respects, I'm not jealous, I am more than happy to spend time apart, have our own friends, go on trips with friends away from each other, I support and encourage all of my boyfriend's hobbies and to have a life away from 'us' and I do the same. But if he started to treat me like I wasn't important to him anymore, I wouldn't stick around unless he was willing to work on it. I don't expect gifts other than on birthdays and at Xmas and I'm SO unmotivated by money, I don't expect or desire expensive presents even on holidays, I earn more than my current boyfriend and we split everything down the middle (including social things like meals out, trips away). So I'm low maintenance in that sense I guess. I don't expect texts all day every day and I'm busy with my own stuff and career and friends, but if I'm not living with someone I expect daily contact or I'd presume they just weren't that into me. So who knows. Maybe some women out there would be really compatible with you, Darren, if they are of a similar mindset, but I think most women would want/expect a LOT more than you're willing to offer them, and maybe once you've been seeing each other a while and she realises it can't progress into living together or anything more serious she'll rethink. Edited December 6, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse 2
GemmaUK Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I have pretty much ruled out long distance due to high maintenance guys who needed more time than I could give on a daily basis. Plus I would rather go on a date on say a Friday, go home, maybe meet up later over the weekend...just take it all easy when getting to know someone. With LD I have found a whole weekend of 24/7 tends to be the expectation and that is tough when you don't actually know someone very well. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I have pretty much ruled out long distance due to high maintenance guys who needed more time than I could give on a daily basis. Plus I would rather go on a date on say a Friday, go home, maybe meet up later over the weekend...just take it all easy when getting to know someone. With LD I have found a whole weekend of 24/7 tends to be the expectation and that is tough when you don't actually know someone very well. Totally agree there Gemma. I tried to date someone long distance, from the start, and it was so hard. Instead of just being able to meet up for a drink after work and then maybe a few days later it was extremely difficult having to meet someone for a solid two to four days, when you're just getting to know each other. Plus it's hard in terms of intimacy, usually I'm not into sex with someone until it's exclusive and sleeping next to someone even moreso, but when someone's coming to stay from that far I felt I couldn't ask them to get a hotel, and also had nowhere in my shared house for them so from the second visit they were sleeping in my bed with me. Plus all of the stuff you don't wanna do around a new date, very quickly (going to the small ensuite adjacent bathroom etc.!) Just too much too soon. I ended up feeling really pressured and burnt out quickly. 2
GemmaUK Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Totally agree there Gemma. I tried to date someone long distance, from the start, and it was so hard. Instead of just being able to meet up for a drink after work and then maybe a few days later it was extremely difficult having to meet someone for a solid two to four days, when you're just getting to know each other. Plus it's hard in terms of intimacy, usually I'm not into sex with someone until it's exclusive and sleeping next to someone even moreso, but when someone's coming to stay from that far I felt I couldn't ask them to get a hotel, and also had nowhere in my shared house for them so from the second visit they were sleeping in my bed with me. Plus all of the stuff you don't wanna do around a new date, very quickly (going to the small ensuite adjacent bathroom etc.!) Just too much too soon. I ended up feeling really pressured and burnt out quickly. Absolutely agree! LD is not a low maintenance scenario - but that is only from 3 out of 3 personal experiences I have had of it. Local dating has for me always been much less demanding.
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Maybe I have a different understanding of "high maintenance"...from what's been described so far in this thread, for me, would describe people who are needy, controlling and/or insecure....and, probably thrive on drama. I have a gf of a gf who married a guy who's a dog. They get into horrible fights. Instead of her just leaving him, seems like she enjoys the Jerry Springer action. And she enjoys telling my gf about it all the time. Kinda like these Housewives, Bad Girls, etc. shows on now a days. Some people just like drama. I thought "high maintenance" means some one who is always on your back. They also have high monetary wants/cravings. If you buy a house, it must have 10 rooms and be big. If you buy clothing, it must be name brand. If you drive a car, it must be big with rims. Get my drift? Then, they're always nagging, yelling, cuz you can't do anything right. They bore easily, you're supposed to be their entertainment. If your hair, makeup, nails, etc. aren't like you're going to an awards show - they don't want you. I don't have time for that. Now, I also don't think I'm capable of what some people consider as "normal". I don't have to see, call, even text family, friends and/or a guy I'm seeing every day. Sometimes my gfs will call me several times in one day and I don't see why. I just spoke to them this morning. What happened between this morning and later in the day that you "must" speak to me about? I'm also very quite and stoic. I think that would bore a guy out of their mind. I mean, when I'm first getting to know someone, yes, there's a lot of communication, but after that - I can't blab all the time. Not to sound mean, but I remember one guy would call me around the time I'd get home and Law and Order re-runs were on and I'd be like 'Can he just hurry up with this call so I can watch my show?'. I also don't like to be pressured into social situations. I've had people I know invite me out to stuff and I'd refuse and they'd get upset and start calling, banging on my door and that just makes me not to want to go more. I don't like to be forced to hang out with people. I often prefer to do things on my own. So, I don't know...I think guys in the past mistaken my way of being of having low interest and/or not needing/wanting them, when that was not the case. I just can only go so far. But, of the moments I am with someone - few as they may be - I treat them BEYOND well. I don't know, maybe that's me making up for the absence?
Author Darren2013 Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Totally agree there Gemma. I tried to date someone long distance, from the start, and it was so hard. Instead of just being able to meet up for a drink after work and then maybe a few days later it was extremely difficult having to meet someone for a solid two to four days, when you're just getting to know each other. Plus it's hard in terms of intimacy, usually I'm not into sex with someone until it's exclusive and sleeping next to someone even moreso, but when someone's coming to stay from that far I felt I couldn't ask them to get a hotel, and also had nowhere in my shared house for them so from the second visit they were sleeping in my bed with me. Plus all of the stuff you don't wanna do around a new date, very quickly (going to the small ensuite adjacent bathroom etc.!) Just too much too soon. I ended up feeling really pressured and burnt out quickly. What if the person coming from far away to visit you wants to get their own hotel room? I personally prefer having my own private motel room when I have to travel out of town for any reason.
Author Darren2013 Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Maybe I have a different understanding of "high maintenance"...from what's been described so far in this thread, for me, would describe people who are needy, controlling and/or insecure....and, probably thrive on drama. I have a gf of a gf who married a guy who's a dog. They get into horrible fights. Instead of her just leaving him, seems like she enjoys the Jerry Springer action. And she enjoys telling my gf about it all the time. Kinda like these Housewives, Bad Girls, etc. shows on now a days. Some people just like drama. I thought "high maintenance" means some one who is always on your back. They also have high monetary wants/cravings. If you buy a house, it must have 10 rooms and be big. If you buy clothing, it must be name brand. If you drive a car, it must be big with rims. Get my drift? Then, they're always nagging, yelling, cuz you can't do anything right. They bore easily, you're supposed to be their entertainment. If your hair, makeup, nails, etc. aren't like you're going to an awards show - they don't want you. I don't have time for that. Now, I also don't think I'm capable of what some people consider as "normal". I don't have to see, call, even text family, friends and/or a guy I'm seeing every day. Sometimes my gfs will call me several times in one day and I don't see why. I just spoke to them this morning. What happened between this morning and later in the day that you "must" speak to me about? I'm also very quite and stoic. I think that would bore a guy out of their mind. I mean, when I'm first getting to know someone, yes, there's a lot of communication, but after that - I can't blab all the time. Not to sound mean, but I remember one guy would call me around the time I'd get home and Law and Order re-runs were on and I'd be like 'Can he just hurry up with this call so I can watch my show?'. I also don't like to be pressured into social situations. I've had people I know invite me out to stuff and I'd refuse and they'd get upset and start calling, banging on my door and that just makes me not to want to go more. I don't like to be forced to hang out with people. I often prefer to do things on my own. So, I don't know...I think guys in the past mistaken my way of being of having low interest and/or not needing/wanting them, when that was not the case. I just can only go so far. But, of the moments I am with someone - few as they may be - I treat them BEYOND well. I don't know, maybe that's me making up for the absence? Quality time is much more important to me than quantity time. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Quality time is much more important to me than quantity time. you have to spend some quantity of time with a person to determine whether you can have quality time..and that your def of quality matches theirs.....some guys thinking watching the wrestling or football together 24/7 is quality time...i tend to disagree on that...deb
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 you have to spend some quantity of time with a person to determine whether you can have quality time..and that your def of quality matches theirs.....some guys thinking watching the wrestling or football together 24/7 is quality time...i tend to disagree on that...deb Just to clarify, are you saying that the same way some women wanna drag guys to the mall - when they should be doing it with their girlfriends is akin to a guy expecting a woman to watch wrestling and/or football with him all the time? I don't know about that. Some women actually like some sports and watching a game with their SO. But, I don't think you'll find a guy who feels the same way about being dragged to a mall.
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