Signals arent clear

[Danda]

If you lose the momentum and you both fade out, it happens. You've invested a whopping two dates. Based on your posts you seem like a really thoughtful person, aren't screwing around with multiple chicks at once, even online or something, and you already know you can attract a woman you find attractive in return. I'm sure you could get another cool lady if you had to. So if it fades, it fades. Less fretting, more enjoying.

[angel.eyes]

Personally, I would meet before you leave. You may look less than your very best, but okay...whatever. Wait 2-3 weeks and I suspect you'll be greeted with a "sorry this isn't going to work out" or, more likely crickets and silence, when you finally get back. Honestly, she's rapidly losing interest from your description. It's not as if you're the only male on Tinder. Not meeting for a prolonged time period is a death knell to progress in this scenario. You need to be more proactive about meeting.

[sean_89]

Thanks Danda, I know that I hope to get to know her better but that I can only control my own actions, just trying to ensure that I'm doing all that I can. It's been QUITE a while since a girl has made me this nervous, hence why I'm here. But the possibility of something fading on either end or both ends is definitely possible.

 

Angel, thanks to you too. I'll try to figure something out. At the end of the day, I would like to see her before I go regardless, just because. It may not be a magnificently planned date but hopefully there can be something. Honestly, she hasn't been active on Tinder (it shows) since we stopped talking on it in the beginning, and she told me I was the only person she had met off there, thats why I started throwing out the idea of being a rebound. However, with that said, I know the timing is not great, and hopefully I'll end up doing the best that I can do with what I have time to do, and see what happens.

[sean_89]

So I have a dilemma:

 

Scheduled hangout for tomorrow, turns out she is ill and "likely" has to cancel.

 

As for myself, I've been wrote off on pills for the last week because of infections. I was going to make the extra effort to hang out with her tomorrow but would probably have to keep it short(ish). But I did want to see her.

 

She seems to be a bit bummed that I MAY be leaving Friday morning for 10 days.

 

So, do I stay for a few extra days and lose a few days of my holidays for a girl that I've just kind of met? I want to see her but am questioning if I should sacrifice spending time with my family for it.

 

Is she really bummed about me leaving that early and she wants to see me or is she bummed that she had to cancel the last two dates and is doing this for herself?

 

I am at about 70% of my normal state between the pills and the discomfort of eating mush all week but I know you guys said it would be better to see her than not to see her. Although I've made it clear to her that I'm not myself I still don't even know if she would be comfortable coming over to watch a movie, etc. even if I stayed. I'm not sure what else we could do.

 

But is it worth it?

[Jack101]

This is a problem everyone encounters. What you did wrong is you didn't kiss her on the first date. If you don't kiss her on the first date or soon, she will start losing interest in you and view your relationship with more platonic than anything romantic. You showed her you don't have the balls to kiss her which was a big "No-No" and a red flag in her book. You also seem to be too available and over pursuing her. Let her contact you and make a date then. I don't believe you are experienced enough. Have fun! and Improve! Next time, go for the kiss on the first date.

Edited July 9, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed spam.

[xUnknown]

Further to this, is it a bad sign if I have surgery and she doesn't acknowledge it / ask me how it went etc.? I know we're not together but I keep thinking if the situation was reversed that these are things I would be doing. is this a sign of a lack of interest? is she interested in me... as a rebound? Maybe it's the post surgery drugs, maybe its the fact that I'm leaving for the holidays soon for a couple of weeks, but I seem to have this on my mind more than I'd like.

 

I don't know how it is for you, but I had knee surgery twice. First time I ended things with a girl and really didn't care... second time, would over think every single aspect of my relationship. The meds mess with my head. Perhaps its done the same to you too...

 

But, I do think it is a little bit odd she didn't mention it - especially if you've told her you were going to have surgery.

[xUnknown]

So I have a dilemma:

 

Scheduled hangout for tomorrow, turns out she is ill and "likely" has to cancel.

 

As for myself, I've been wrote off on pills for the last week because of infections. I was going to make the extra effort to hang out with her tomorrow but would probably have to keep it short(ish). But I did want to see her.

 

She seems to be a bit bummed that I MAY be leaving Friday morning for 10 days.

 

So, do I stay for a few extra days and lose a few days of my holidays for a girl that I've just kind of met? I want to see her but am questioning if I should sacrifice spending time with my family for it.

 

Is she really bummed about me leaving that early and she wants to see me or is she bummed that she had to cancel the last two dates and is doing this for herself?

 

I am at about 70% of my normal state between the pills and the discomfort of eating mush all week but I know you guys said it would be better to see her than not to see her. Although I've made it clear to her that I'm not myself I still don't even know if she would be comfortable coming over to watch a movie, etc. even if I stayed. I'm not sure what else we could do.

 

But is it worth it?

 

I would suggest not seeing her until youre 100% off the medication. But again, thats just from my experience with those type of pain killers.

 

I would NOT take days from your vacation for you to see her. In my opinion, that will give off the needy vibe. She knows you're busy, either she can be more accommodating, or, you hit her up after the vacation.

 

Try to do something that isn't much of a physical activity. Perhaps go see a movie instead. Have you kissed her yet? If not, I would definitely try to at the end of your next date.

[sean_89]

I didn't see these posts, actually thought that nobody was following this anymore lol.

 

I ended up staying for a few extra days but not because of her. I actually ended up not getting what I needed to get done before I left and I told her that (not in those words).

 

I guess my instinct led me to do differently than both of the last two posters said. Obivously this is a forum with a lot of viewpoints and no one can ever know for sure what works and what won't work.

 

I went skating, on my meds. She couldn't skate so she held my arm the entire time which was nice - nothing like forcing her to touch me (this was the first time).

 

She has the flu and my mouth is still in a state so I didn't know if a kiss (small one) would be in the cards or not but it felt nice having her arm on me so I thought it might happen.

 

I asked her about the holidays etc. if she was excited to see anyone who was coming home that she hasn't seen for a while. She caught me off guard and told me that she just got out of an LDR (which I already knew from instagram) a month ago and that her ex boyfriend was coming home and that theyw ere probably going to spend some time together. So I just played it cool like whatever and tried to move off that subject to something else. But I dont know, between that and her turning her face away when she hugs me from the first date to now I don't know if a kiss is really what she wants. I was kind of taken back a little bit when she said this which was about 1/2 way through the skate when she was still holding my arm.

 

I was hoping she might come back afterwards for a movie where we could get closer on the couch etc but she had to go home and help get ready to move into a new place tomorrow.

 

She did text me repeatedly saying how much fun she had.

Edited December 20, 2014 by sean_89

[sean_89]

whats my gameplan over the holidays? should I just step back over the holidays and not contact her? surely I will want to sporadically but I mean if her ex is going to be sitting next to her that makes me feel like a fool.

[sean_89]

Or should she be off my radar completely? She did tell me that she wanted to hear from me over the holidays, seemed concerned about when I was coming back, etc. Not sure what she meant by telling me about the ex.

[sean_89]

Alright all, I actually got the answer that I've been looking for I think. Now to put my mind at ease for a little while. Thanks to all you fine folks for following this thread and my ranting. Happy holidays

[xUnknown]

Alright all, I actually got the answer that I've been looking for I think. Now to put my mind at ease for a little while. Thanks to all you fine folks for following this thread and my ranting. Happy holidays

 

What was the answer you got?

 

To me it sounds like she isn't over her ex, especially if they're still in contact. I would lay low and just move on.