Justm3x Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I haven't been on here for a while, not sure if i feel embarrassed or just not been able to face up to what's happened this past month. My last post was that my ex had made contact about the death of my father, I wasn't going to reply but stupidly i did....... a decision i now regret and i feel so stupid for letting this happen because i was at a point that i felt i was moving on.... I replied with a thank you and then he went on to tell me that I wasn't the only one suffering with mental health issues, I asked him if he was ok and he said " of course, stop worrying about me and put yourself first for a change" ... that was it end of conversation. I went to bed to be woken up at 7.30am to a text from him, bearing in mind its 3.30am where he was. He went on to say how much he missed me, thought about me all the time, had wanted to call me so many times but couldn't and that a huge part of him will always love me.... he said there were so many things he wanted to say but couldn't !! .... he said he was sorry for all the bad things he had said to me and that he was selfish contacting me but he wanted to know that i was ok and there were so many other things he said. 3 hours later he had to get to work and he just told me to have a good day. I didnt know what to make of it all, stupidly i was on a high all day and then later that evening i got a text saying that he didn't think is was a good idea and that he was still with the woman he cheated on me with and that " she was a good person"................ I was right back to where i started but worse, how can someone be so cruel, as to say all this stuff and then make me feel like **** all over again.. I feel so stupid beyond belief and ashamed of myself, its killing me. I cant snap out of this black hole im in again, im struggling to cope again and i hate that someone has made me feel such a loser... i dont know what to do...
ballycastle Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Hi Jusm3x Sorry that you are feeling lousy. It hurts when they reach out like that doesn't it, and you believe they 'have made a mistake' and 'changed their minds.' I have been spending time on a site called Mirror of Afrodite, I think it might help you in regards to responding to actions rather than words. It helped me. You see, a person can say they miss you etc, but if they don't follow it up with an action, ie/ I miss you (words) with 'I will do anything to get you back, tell me how to put it right, let's me pay for dinner and talk (action) then you don't do anything. If they are unrelenting in wanting you back (if that's what you want) then you eventually speak to them again. Think of it when you really wanting something badly...let's say a concert ticket. You call, the ticket line doesn't answer. What do you do? You call again. This time they answer, but the tickets have sold out. So what do you do again bearing in mind you REALLY want to go to this concert? You search on line, until you find a site selling them. But it's more than you want to pay, but you find the extra money blah blah blah. Get my point? It's call the law of scarcity. If he really wants you, he will keep on trying. Up until that point its breadcrumbs. I learnt through sites like these to protect your heart. You are priceless, so he (or any man) needs to pay a high price for you. Until that point you don't respond to anything he says. I don't know why people do what they do to mess with our hearts. I do believe what he said though, but men (sorry to sound sexist) think/say out loud more than women, hence why we as women 'listen' to their every word and hope that it comes true. So he probably just 'said' it without thinking of the consequences it would have to YOU. I am sorry you are feeling the pain. I am too. keep posting on here and start again on your recovery. 2
Author Justm3x Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Thank you for your reply.... I have been on the website you suggested Mirror of Afrodite and found it very interesting, reading it made me see something i didn't and things i need to wise up too without a doubt. ........ You mentioned about actions louder than words and his actions after that was to block me contacting him, this was on Friday. The fact that he returned to the uk on Monday for 2 weeks and that he will be with his girlfriend leads me to believe that he is either worried that i will text while he is staying with his girlfriend or that he has found out that i sent his girlfriend the chat logs between us and he is mad as hell, I know it was a stupid thing to do, a moment of madness i will not be repeating my actions on that score. Only time will tell when he returns overseas as to whether he unblocks me.... which will give me the opportunity to ignore his texts if he contacts me again. My heart is telling me i wont hear from him again, but my head is telling me different....
ballycastle Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Thank you for your reply.... I have been on the website you suggested Mirror of Afrodite and found it very interesting, reading it made me see something i didn't and things i need to wise up too without a doubt. ........ You mentioned about actions louder than words and his actions after that was to block me contacting him, this was on Friday. The fact that he returned to the uk on Monday for 2 weeks and that he will be with his girlfriend leads me to believe that he is either worried that i will text while he is staying with his girlfriend or that he has found out that i sent his girlfriend the chat logs between us and he is mad as hell, I know it was a stupid thing to do, a moment of madness i will not be repeating my actions on that score. Only time will tell when he returns overseas as to whether he unblocks me.... which will give me the opportunity to ignore his texts if he contacts me again. My heart is telling me i wont hear from him again, but my head is telling me different.... Hi he might contact you again, he might not, who knows? All you have to do is to gather strength from somewhere and just be silent. Silent says much more than giving him the time of day. You have the right to be angry/hurt/betrayed that is fine, but as you said you have learnt from it, to not repeat your actions. I am learning too, we all are. It is hard which is why we are all here. I have just spent the last 2 hours uploading all my ex's presents that he gave me for Christmas on Ebay. A year of them sitting in my bedroom. I couldn't face touching them, but I hope making some cash out of it will at least help me move on. I hope we all can. In. Time.
Light Breeze Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I haven't been on here for a while, not sure if i feel embarrassed or just not been able to face up to what's happened this past month. My last post was that my ex had made contact about the death of my father, I wasn't going to reply but stupidly i did....... a decision i now regret and i feel so stupid for letting this happen because i was at a point that i felt i was moving on.... I replied with a thank you and then he went on to tell me that I wasn't the only one suffering with mental health issues, I asked him if he was ok and he said " of course, stop worrying about me and put yourself first for a change" ... that was it end of conversation. I went to bed to be woken up at 7.30am to a text from him, bearing in mind its 3.30am where he was. He went on to say how much he missed me, thought about me all the time, had wanted to call me so many times but couldn't and that a huge part of him will always love me.... he said there were so many things he wanted to say but couldn't !! .... he said he was sorry for all the bad things he had said to me and that he was selfish contacting me but he wanted to know that i was ok and there were so many other things he said. 3 hours later he had to get to work and he just told me to have a good day. I didnt know what to make of it all, stupidly i was on a high all day and then later that evening i got a text saying that he didn't think is was a good idea and that he was still with the woman he cheated on me with and that " she was a good person"................ I was right back to where i started but worse, how can someone be so cruel, as to say all this stuff and then make me feel like **** all over again.. I feel so stupid beyond belief and ashamed of myself, its killing me. I cant snap out of this black hole im in again, im struggling to cope again and i hate that someone has made me feel such a loser... i dont know what to do... You are not stupid your ex is just insensitive. I think this guy is selfish knowing what his words could do to you. I'm betting he probably is not doing too good in his new relationship and that he needs assurance that you are still there for him. As to coping again after that well I started NC with my ex a month ago but had to break it three days ago because I needed some stuff back. Seeing her so happy and in love with someone barely two months after she ended a 7 year relationship almost killed me. What I did was to cry it all out, then joined a free kickboxing lesson that day and just hit anything I saw. Then NC again, I got my numbness back right now, promised myself never to break NC ever again.
Author Justm3x Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Thank you for your reply..... i had the same feeling, that he's not very happy and keeps remembering the good time, which he did actually say to me.... he said he thinks about the good times and then feels guilty because he said he had no right to think i would accept him back in my life... Like you it was a 7 year relationship and also like you i will have NC from now on and if he does make contact i will not reply.... Ballycastle told me about a site which i did investigate and it has given me some help with my feelings and how to deal with them.... like me i hope that those of us here can find some sort of peace and happiness with people that wont treat us so badly
Closetotheedge Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 he wants you as a backup plan or even worse to cheat on his new GF with you shove this man away soon as possible my dear.
Author Justm3x Posted December 7, 2014 Author Posted December 7, 2014 Yes i think your right..... i think he thinks about what hes lost, I dont think he has the same relationship with the woman he cheated on me with and i think he has days when he thinks about stuff and it gets him down.... but the longer i go without contact the stronger i will get, im sure
Itspointless Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 but men (sorry to sound sexist) think/say out loud more than women, hence why we as women 'listen' to their every word and hope that it comes true. So apparently I was the woman and she was the man.
Recommended Posts