ChuckDee33 Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I'd just like to write here, and feel free to add or enlighten upon my post, about something I discovered the hard way in my own life: It takes more than love for a relationship to work. Sometimes I wonder what kind of love my gf of 20 months and I had with each other. We said the infamous three words to each other about 3 months after we first met. I guess the timing, the atmosphere, the feelings were all just aligned perfectly to say it. I remember it like it was yesterday really. I wanted to say it first but I was afraid for some reason I would not hear what I wanted but then she just said it as we were holding each other close under the moonlight in the hot tub on that cold mountain night after Valentines Day. Yeah, sappy but it's real and it meant a lot to me. I was so overjoyed when she told me and of course I told her the same and we cried and held each other forever, naked and invulnerable to anything else outside our perfect little world. Well, that was over two years ago and we've been apart for 7 months now. She said she doesn't feel the same for me, the excitement faded, a lot of trust was broken, a lot of fights played out. I'm sure we displayed many of the problems any other long term relationship goes through. I was stupid and lied to her about little things that didn't even matter, just so I wouldn't have to deal with another argument or fight. I just couldn't get it through my thick skull that it would always end up better and easier for both of us if I just told the simple truth. It happened one too many times for her I suppose and that I know is one of the major factors that eventually led to her breaking up with me. Another is that we fought a lot over stupid things and we couldn't seem to stop. We didn't communicate enough about how we were really feeling so the real problems just got pushed to the side most of the time. Another saying that I like to apply to our demise is "Love can be life's best friend, life can be love's worst enemy." Sometimes factors outside of our direct control will bring down a relationship, like lack of quality alone time, lack of energy, lack of excitement, falling into a routine. Sometimes we know these things are present but we have to deal with other things in our lives and they get in the way of our relationships and love. It sucks but it's true that we just can't control every situation or circumstance in our life. We have the power to make certain choices in life and those choices have consequences, good and bad. Sometimes though we have to deal with forces greater than ourselves that can change a number of things in our lives. My point is that in a relationship, real love is not just saying to the other person and to yourself that you love them. You have to feel that and ACT it everyday that you can and be real about it. Sometimes people get to a certain 'comfort level' with their partner and they don't try to work at it anymore. The love just kind of stays where it is and, in a lot of cases, it declines. Love is something that we have to continuously work at, we can't just reach a certain level and run with it. I think that true love is like something that you can always be reaching harder for, even if you know you've already got it. Love is in constant danger of being lost or broken so we have to treat it that way. Does anybody know what I'm saying?? Anyway, true love takes hard work, trust, commitment, faithfulness understanding, communication and passion. You can love somebody all you want but you know that the other problems, especially if you are hiding from them, will rear their ugly heads sooner or later. You better confront the problems head on while you still have a chance. If you don't, you can rest assured that the relationship will break down and fail eventually. Take it from me, I made some bad choices, more than she did, and the person I thought could be the love of my life forever is now is somebody I can't even see or talk to anymore because it hurts to much. It's painful as hell because she means so much to me and she always will be a part of me no matter what. But that's a whole other post altogether. Live like you mean it and love like you mean it. And to quote my favorite movie - "Get busy livin'...or get busy dyin'." Peace, I'm out.
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 Originally posted by ChuckDee33 Anyway, true love takes hard work, trust, commitment, faithfulness understanding, communication and passion. "It takes more than rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along". Peace to you too.
Duwey Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 I agree to a certain extent. It does take tough work to have a relationship that's just as tough as you put into it. You can't ever lax on it or get into that "comfort zone" where (in my case) you're not married but have been together for a while. You feel safe and secure, but sometimes that not always enough. And if that's the case then one partner has to tell the other and get it OUT there in the open. Open to discuss, if possible. It's not always possible because there's infinite variable within the human mind that don't always become in sync with the equation of the perfect resolution. Even with my current relationship declining because she "wants more space", I still believe in working together. Although, in this situation I have to bend that idea and use it so that I cooperate with her by giving her the space. "We" work together, although there may not be a "we" for much longer. I still hold true to the idea that working together and keeping open communication is the way to go. Though in my current case that may cause more harm than good. It's hard because I can cry just thinking about it right now, but it's true.
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