towardthefuture Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I was with my ex girlfriend for 8 years. We lived together. The last two and a half years were pretty rough, and I didn't treat her right, kind of neglected our relationship and was depressed about some things (I got a bad illness and had to go into the hospital for 8 months, couldn't find a job after because of the resume gap). Last Friday she dumped me. At the time I didn't handle it very well, we had a breakup conversation and of course like a fool I pleaded with her to stay, that I can change, please don't go, etc. After she left we texted back and forth a little bit, some more begging and some more definitiveness from her (things like "I'll always cherish our time together, but I can't talk any more"). I told her I'd give her the weekend, then on Monday I mailed her a letter owning up to all the things I did wrong in the relationship, not saying it was all my fault, but owning up to my end. She responded saying she read my letter but she still can't talk. Then I went and read up on NC and started implementing it. I was doing ok, I was working out every day and I redid myself a little, improved my grooming, and I was looking and feeling good, but without a sense of closure things were driving me crazy. I ended up breaking no contact last night on day 5 when she emailed me about some logistics with her moving out. Had a conversation with her, she basically told me she thinks she made the right decision, I should move on, she doesn't want to talk about it any more and she needs space. Without pleading I asked some questions about why it ended. Faced some resistance ("I'm really done, don't want to talk any more"), but I got some answers. I told her I was really worried that we had broken up and she would make a mistake and quickly get married to a guy she barely knows (she's 'that age'), and she said she's not thinking about another relationship now but that's her mistake to make and I have no say. The only glimmer of good news from the conversation was when I told her how committed I'd been to working out the last five days and I'd already burned off almost all of my belly fat she seemed impressed ('Wow'). I left the convo with a sense of closure and a lot more acceptance that the relationship is over. However, I still love her and want her back in my life. What's obvious is I can't break no contact again, right? This time she flat out asked for space. Before it was just, "I can't talk now". So I have to be mature and honor that request. I have a sense of moving on and looking for myself and what I want to do. That feels good, feels good that the door is definitely shut for now. I feel like I can let her go, at least for now, and move on. At the same time, I still love her and want her back. I'm resuming NC except to talk logistics about moving if it's absolutely necessary. I'm going to work on me, this time it's different than the previous NC because I really feel like I'm finding myself and working on me for me instead of trying to perform this real life 80s training montage to win her back. That said I still love her and want her back. What do you guys think time will do to this situation? Do we still have a chance to get back together some time in the future? How much NC should I give before trying to contact again? She said she wished I would wait for her to reach out to me 'which might never happen'. I could use your help. Can I get some answers to my questions and maybe some general insights?
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