Lostgirl50 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Divorced after 25 years married - it is almost 2 years since the divorce. Gone from a family to just me most of the time. I was a stay at home mom and loved every minute of it. Now, back in school full time. I am having to adapt to being alone. I finally ate alone alone in a restaurant for the first time last week. I hated it. This is so painful. I pain that cannot be taken away. Anyone know how long it will last? I used to be a outgoing woman marrie to an introvert. The opposite has now occured. He is the outgoing one I have heard and now I am the one is home with no friends- somehow all our friends were his in the end cause they knew him first. Odd huh? Any tips to how one gets used to being alone and not crying a lot? Thank you!
StalwartMind Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 It's easier for some but having a strong mentality greatly helps. Some people feel alone while in relationships despite you would think they should have no reason to. This again is because we are all wired quite uniquely. If you for a moment put aside the feeling of loneliness, what can you think of that would really make you feel alive, fresh, happy and increasing your desire to have more of. The answer to most questions often lie within ourselves, sometimes it can just feel like finding a needle in a haystack. When all your daily things you need to do have been taken care of I'd turn my focus into finding out what I'd really want for myself and then make that my goal. It can be difficult to give a broad answer that may work as a solution for you, as you know best how you like to approach stuff. Even being more introverted than before, the opportunities are still plentiful. In the end it really depends on you, and how much surplus of energy you feel you have to put into any effort that will bring you closer to what you desire. 2
Art_Critic Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I always used hobbies that I got enjoyment from.. woodworking etc... I also spent (and still do even though I'm married) a great deal of time in the mountains at a cabin retreat I have by myself, getting rid of the stress of my job and living life by myself. Make sure you don't start dating men that are not good for you just to be with someone, create a good friend network, go to outings and pick up some new hobbies before you date to stop from feeling alone.
Author Lostgirl50 Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 It's easier for some but having a strong mentality greatly helps. Some people feel alone while in relationships despite you would think they should have no reason to. This again is because we are all wired quite uniquely. If you for a moment put aside the feeling of loneliness, what can you think of that would really make you feel alive, fresh, happy and increasing your desire to have more of. The answer to most questions often lie within ourselves, sometimes it can just feel like finding a needle in a haystack. When all your daily things you need to do have been taken care of I'd turn my focus into finding out what I'd really want for myself and then make that my goal. It can be difficult to give a broad answer that may work as a solution for you, as you know best how you like to approach stuff. Even being more introverted than before, the opportunities are still plentiful. In the end it really depends on you, and how much surplus of energy you feel you have to put into any effort that will bring you closer to what you desire. Thank you for replying. . I agree with what you say. When I was married I knew what I wanted , how to get etc. now, divorced I am shall we say lost? I went back to school to upgrade my skills to get a good job. But, also, to challedge myself , and get back in the world. Well, I poured too much into my school work. It consumed me. I am still in school but have to do something for fun. Orders from doctor. I got back into my knitting. I once was outgoing and creative . The word bored never entered into my mind. Now, I have no idea what to do by myself. Or what my interests are. So strange just to type this. I guess in the past I was always with someone doing activities. Now, I a little afraid . Man I am so wierd !
Author Lostgirl50 Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 I always used hobbies that I got enjoyment from.. woodworking etc... I also spent (and still do even though I'm married) a great deal of time in the mountains at a cabin retreat I have by myself, getting rid of the stress of my job and living life by myself. Make sure you don't start dating men that are not good for you just to be with someone, create a good friend network, go to outings and pick up some new hobbies before you date to stop from feeling alone. Hobbis are wonderful! I started back to knitting. And you are correct it does help with stress by helping one to unwind (pun intended). As for men, you are right. I so want to date but the fear is strong that my radar skills are not what they one were are who would be good for me. And might I add, I admire yo having a cabin! I do love nature - a small cabin wood stove, a bed, and bathroom would be bliss ! Thank you so much for replying ! 1
True Gent Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 (edited) 2 years on your own after 25 years of family life probably isn't enough time to really adjust fully. You are doing good by trying to better yourself and going to a resteraunt on your own is a positive step too. It doesn't matter at this stage that it feels strange or even horrible, you are on the right track by getting yourself up and out into the world. I can't beleive I'm now just over a full year of being alone, it's flown over and I'm still adjusting and finding myself after a 9 year relationship with my now ex fiancée. 25 years of marriage is a very long time, there is no way on earth that I'd expect you to be feeling 100% happy with life at this stage. Just keep on going as you are, I'm sure you will have some interests you can get pleasure from. You don't need a big plan, you just have to recognise you are going to take some time to find your own feet again. As long as you try to keep some optimism and do anything you want to do with no pressure or time limits and just go with it. You will get there. I must say personally the freedom of living as a single person is a very good feeling and isn't something I'm going to be willing to give up easily. Edited December 6, 2014 by True Gent 1
tobrieornottobrie Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 I'm so sorry that you are hurting right now, I'm sure that this has been a really difficult time for you. Have you considered any sort of counseling or therapy to deal with some of the emotion of what you are going through? Have you been doing things that you really enjoy? What were some of your hobbies before? Do you garden or perhaps do you really enjoy reading? Try focusing on those things perhaps? Just something to think about. Best of luck to you, friend. the brie's cheese knees
Satu Posted December 9, 2014 Posted December 9, 2014 Time alone is a luxury. Do things that make you feel good. Learn a new language. Learn a musical instrument. Invite someone you like over for a lovely meal. Write poetry. Maybe not all or any of the above, but if you aren't enjoying your time alone it might be because you're not using your time in the best way. Find your lust for life, your hunger for experience, and feed it.
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