sadsoul Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 My fiance and I who have been dating for over 10 years just broke up. I am devastated and don't know how I will ever move on. There were problems in our relationship, although I thought they could be worked out, while he did not. I have never felt this type of pain before in my life. ANy adivce, words of wisdom? Thanks.
caramelbrownchick Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 As much as it seems the pain will not go away there is light at the end of the tunnel but your probably better off without him, I think we sometimes get comfortable with a person and even though they might not be totally right for us we are just so used to everything about them that it hurts like hell when they are gonna, my advice for you is to start dating other guys you will begin to meet guys that you actually like and that have better qualities then your x fiance, I promise girl believe me I was in a similar situation and the more i met new guys the more I forgot about him.
RoxStar Posted March 21, 2005 Posted March 21, 2005 I was with someone for 10 years and then it ended. I thought my life was never going to be the same and I was right. However back when that happened I thought I was lost without him. I wasnt. I found myself again. I became better and stronger and happier. I learned a lot about myself and my life was never the same. It took a while for me to see all the bad that I turned a blind eye too. It took me a long time to get over it but I did and you will too. I didnt belive this at the time but everything does happen for a reason and what goes around comes around.
boursin_cheese Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 SadSoul, I'm right there with you. My fiance and I broke up almost 8 weeks ago. We were together 7 yrs and friends for a long time before that. For both of us (he is sharing his thoughts with me) it is as if we lost our family, our home and our sense of adult identity and closest confidant. We both love each other very much still. As much as I've missed him, he's missed me. It hasn't changed the outcome for us. We're not reconciling (never say never?). Basically, I accept that there is no present or future for me with him in it but I have no peace in the acceptance. He's drawing comfort from knowing that I'm still here, that I still love him and that he is demonstrating his strength of will by sticking to his decision "no matter what". I think I'm just going through the motions. Some days, hell, some hours are better than others. Staying busy keeps me - just busy - not happy. But my house is clean, my bills are paid, some home improvement projects get done when I'm awake all night, I'm back in training for summer racing - so even though I feel terrible, good feelings are coming out the keeping busy effort. Call me vain (because I am) but when I look in the mirror and look awful it just makes me more depressed, so I'm spending considerable time on my physical appearance. It helps me to know I look great while I tell people my fiance and I broke it off, he moved out, blah blah. Suddenly there is only one person paying the bills and that calls for conservation of resources, but I'm trying to be generous with myself too. If I think buying something will make me feel better, I buy. If I want chocolate snack-pack for breakfast lunch and dinner, I indulge myself. I'm muddling through. Granted, it doesn't have the haughty, positive ring of "moving on" but it's some kind of motion! And muddle is a funny kind of word. Have you had a muddle today? OK, I think I'll stop now... Check back in and let us know how you are doing? I'll look for you on the boards. b.c.
flsgirl Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 I'm sorry this happened to you. The break-up of my relationship of three years was devastating enough. I can't imagine what 10 years can feel like. I agree with b.c. about staying busy. I think it's time for you to be a little selfish. Take time for yourself to go shopping, get a massage, get manicures and pedicures or even do something new with your hair. Maybe pick a new hobby or focus on one that you have or had. Join an organization or a gym or even take a mini-vacation. Just do everything you can to stay busy. You're going to feel sad for awhile (you're expected to), but at least by keeping busy it helps ease the pain and maybe help you discover something new about yourself. Let me tell you, the breakup of a LTR is really a time of self discovery. I started doing things I thought I'd never do. If you have the funds, I seriously would consider a therapist. It was the best money that I ever spent and she helped shed light on things I either didn't want to see or didn't see. I firmly believe that everything in this world happens for a reason. That just means there's something better for you out there. It'll be perfect. I know right now you think your world is over. Just remember you lived before this man just fine and you can live without him. Focus on you! Eventually your pain will start to subside and you'll realize that you're going to be just fine. Goodluck....
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