Pennyapple Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 He is very cute and smart, but he is quite passive. Although he never turns down any invitation, he never initiates any either, not just with me, he's like this with his friends too. We are friends that flirt a little bit. And I'm having a huge crush on him. Should I take the initiative and ask him out? Is it a good idea to chase a somewhat aloof man?
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Lemme tell you, My recent experience has taught me again, that if a guy isn't making a move/effort to get with you - HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Recently, I thought a guy was showing interest in me. I tried to reciprocate and pretty much wore a T-shirt that said "I like you, dude", and nope nothing. But, I've found out some stuff about him that confirms why he hasn't made any effort to actually get to know me - despite what "appears" to be his attraction for me. While I won't go into the murky details, just trust me on this one. If a guy isn't making a move on you, doesn't matter the reason, it's enough for him to not have a strong enough interest in you. Cuz, trust me, the day he sees a chick he really wants, you'll be amazed how he comes out of his shell. Again, just trust me on this one
Blakely Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Sure why not. What do you have to lose? sometimes you have to bring people out of their shell. everyone's different. don't be too aggressive. You'll be able to gauge his signals to gauge if it's working or not.
El Oh El Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 GO FOR IT, I think you should. Girls should chase more because girls really are the ones with the power. Guys become wimps today.. all this social manipulation. Fear of rejection. Let me ask you. Is he a momma's boy?? If so, go for it. He's just used to his mommy being the one who starts the conversation. Sorry Gloria, but trust ME on this one
NotUnlikeWaves Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Lemme tell you, My recent experience has taught me again, that if a guy isn't making a move/effort to get with you - HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Recently, I thought a guy was showing interest in me. I tried to reciprocate and pretty much wore a T-shirt that said "I like you, dude", and nope nothing. But, I've found out some stuff about him that confirms why he hasn't made any effort to actually get to know me - despite what "appears" to be his attraction for me. While I won't go into the murky details, just trust me on this one. If a guy isn't making a move on you, doesn't matter the reason, it's enough for him to not have a strong enough interest in you. Cuz, trust me, the day he sees a chick he really wants, you'll be amazed how he comes out of his shell. Again, just trust me on this one lmao, this is so inaccurate it's hilarious There have been maybe 10 women in the last year who I was incredibly attracted to but I didn't pursue them Whether or not a guy pursues a woman is more based on the following things 1)Would she be open to my advances? - nobody wants to get rejected and rejection sucks 2)Is there a decent way of doing this where it's not extremely awkward? - nobody wants to approach a girl and have it be awkward as hell where you're cringing hard on the inside 3)His natural inclination to approach - some guys are so shy where they can only make a move with lots and lots of encouragement. You think you're going to get rejected so you don't make a move unless you get enough encouragement If I have 2 girls in front of me - one is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and everything I want but approaching her would mean a very awkward setting and she doesn't seem all that much into me and another girl is decent looking enough but she seems to be approachable and she is out with a friend of a friend, I'm approaching the one who is decent looking not the superbabe all day everyday. Being perfect doesn't matter if she doesn't like me 1
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 lmao, this is so inaccurate it's hilarious There have been maybe 10 women in the last year who I was incredibly attracted to but I didn't pursue them Whether or not a guy pursues a woman is more based on the following things 1)Would she be open to my advances? - nobody wants to get rejected and rejection sucks 2)Is there a decent way of doing this where it's not extremely awkward? - nobody wants to approach a girl and have it be awkward as hell where you're cringing hard on the inside 3)His natural inclination to approach - some guys are so shy where they can only make a move with lots and lots of encouragement. You think you're going to get rejected so you don't make a move unless you get enough encouragement If I have 2 girls in front of me - one is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and everything I want but approaching her would mean a very awkward setting and she doesn't seem all that much into me and another girl is decent looking enough but she seems to be approachable and she is out with a friend of a friend, I'm approaching the one who is decent looking not the superbabe all day everyday. Being perfect doesn't matter if she doesn't like me Oh pleeze, it is accurate... All this time I was thinking he's shy, or I need to give him encouragement, and/or he's interested in the chick I've seen him with - come to find out he's obsessed with neither me nor the chick I've seen him with...SURPRISE!!! He's obsessed with some chick he dated years ago and still maintains regular contact with her. And trust me, he's coming out of his shell to stay in contact with this chick he's obsessed over - even though I still see him sneaking glances at me!!!. So again, when a guy is not making a move on you, trust me, something else is going on. You may or may not find out for sure what it is. I mean, to give it a benefit of a doubt, you can maybe make an effort or so to let him know that you are actually breathing the same air he is - but don't do like me and try too hard...You'll be embarrassed when you find out you wasted your time. Actually, at the time I got interested in this guy, I had swapped numbers with another guy and left that to pursue this nonsense. Big mistake. So, Lesson #2, never keep all your eggs in one basket. 1
NotUnlikeWaves Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Oh pleeze, it is accurate... All this time I was thinking he's shy, or I need to give him encouragement, and/or he's interested in the chick I've seen him with - come to find out he's obsessed with neither me nor the chick I've seen him with...SURPRISE!!! He's obsessed with some chick he dated years ago and still maintains regular contact with her. And trust me, he's coming out of his shell to stay in contact with this chick he's obsessed over - even though I still see him sneaking glances at me!!!. So if one man is like that, the entire population of 3 billion men is like that? No? Then don't give inaccurate advice. Most of us don't approach because we don't like the setting/don't think you will like us/assume you have a boyfriend and welcome to how the dating world has been for men for 10,000 years. You got a taste of what men deal with everyday. You're not going to succeed 100% of the time, doesn't mean you never try
El Oh El Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Ever heard that phrase "The bird in your hand is better than the two in the bush"?? That's because one of the two in the bush didn't go into the hand. And that hand moved to another bush, because it really didn't want what's in it's hand. It just listens to those damn geiko commercials too much. Muahaha
preraph Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 It's your call. For me, if a guy can't get up the oomph to initiate things with me, he's too passive to be very interesting. I like people who have some drive. 1
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 So if one man is like that, the entire population of 3 billion men is like that? No? Then don't give inaccurate advice. Most of us don't approach because we don't like the setting/don't think you will like us/assume you have a boyfriend and welcome to how the dating world has been for men for 10,000 years. You got a taste of what men deal with everyday. You're not going to succeed 100% of the time, doesn't mean you never try I'm not saying "don't try", but the OP's thread literally says "chase" him. I'm not gonna go out of my way, again, like I did recently. I will make a try or so, but if he's not reciprocating, I'm not gonna sit around pondering and making up excuses in my head as to why he isn't making a move and/or if it's my fault or something.
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Ever heard that phrase "The bird in your hand is better than the two in the bush"?? That's because one of the two in the bush didn't go into the hand. And that hand moved to another bush, because it really didn't want what's in it's hand. It just listens to those damn geiko commercials too much. Muahaha I don't get it? Please explain.
callingyouuu Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 There have been maybe 10 women in the last year who I was incredibly attracted to but I didn't pursue them I'm also in this category, so cheers to us! That said, I think if you decide not to pursue him, only do it because you don't like that he's passive. That would be reasonable. Don't do it because you assume he's not interested in you, because if he's anything like me, that can easily not be the case. 1
NotUnlikeWaves Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 I'm not saying "don't try", but the OP's thread literally says "chase" him. I'm not gonna go out of my way, again, like I did recently. I will make a try or so, but if he's not reciprocating, I'm not gonna sit around pondering and making up excuses in my head as to why he isn't making a move and/or if it's my fault or something. If you make a move and he doesn't reciprocate, that's reasonable to stop pursuing it I thought you meant that don't make a move at all 1
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Chase? No Ask out once? Sure. You never know until you try. 1
Danda Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 It's like there are two different scenarios in this debate being treated as though they are interchangeable, but they are not. 1. A seemingly shy or aloof guy is given encouragement to approach but doesn't. 2. A seemingly shy or aloof guy is NOT given encouragement to approach and doesn't. The OP describes situation #1, in which case I would agree that it'd be best to move on as he is not interested enough to pursue her despite being given encouragement. But of course in scenario #2 the guy could definitely be very interested but understandably hesitant without any green lights he can detect.
Author Pennyapple Posted December 6, 2014 Author Posted December 6, 2014 Thanks a lot for the replying!! I think I will definitely give it a try. I don't want to regret years later that I let go of a great guy. Even failure is better than regrets. What you guys are discussing is basically how far I should go to get him. Should I just drop a hint or should I try to impress him. Some tactics would also be very helpful!! 1
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 Thanks a lot for the replying!! I think I will definitely give it a try. I don't want to regret years later that I let go of a great guy. Even failure is better than regrets. What you guys are discussing is basically how far I should go to get him. Should I just drop a hint or should I try to impress him. Some tactics would also be very helpful!! Well, since you're already in the same circle of friends, why don't you tell him something like 'Would you like to join me for a coffee sometime at "X" place? I hear they serve great "Y"'
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